tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35427216370708609272024-02-18T18:15:02.801-08:00Reflections of a Literary JourneyAmandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.comBlogger235125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-84976549726386101862012-12-27T18:42:00.002-08:002012-12-27T18:42:15.922-08:00Everything's An Offer
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Everything's An Offer: How to do more with less by Robert
Poynton<o:p></o:p></div>
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Here are some of my favourite excerpts…<o:p></o:p></div>
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As I sat in the wings, I realized why I continue to be
excited about the practices of improvisation even after all this time. It is
because they give you something to do that can fill this gap. The practices
provide a structure that is easy and quick to grasp. That structure is very
open but nonetheless provides constant guidance and support. It doesn’t give
you a prescriptive plan, it gives you something to navigate by that helps you
to make your own choices. It is this practice that enables improvisers to
embody exactly the qualities that business leaders like Norman identify as critical:
flexibility, adaptability, cocreativity, collaboration and so on. The practice
is what makes it possible for improvisers to make more with less in no time at
all and glean an enormous amount of personal satisfaction from doing so. And as
Gary pointed out in the Three Lions Bakery, this practice is within the reach
of all of us. It is something you can put into action, on your own, in your own
way, for your own purposes, whenever you wish. To work with the ideas we will
explore here you need no permission, no task force, no marketing campaign or
formal training. You don’t even have to tell anyone you are doing it. This
means that while the practice of improvisation may not be an answer, it is a
great response.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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The heart of this practice can be summed up in six words:
let go, notice more, use everything.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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The mental adjustment required to make all these ideas
happen was to realize that plans, however meticulous they may be, are only part
of the story, even with things as tangible as wood, stone and cement. I had to
learn firsthand on the building site what the best architects, engineers and
builders already know from experience. Namely, that the inevitable gap between
what you anticipate and what actually happens is an opportunity as well as a
problem. In that gap lie all kinds of possibilities—to adapt and improve the
thing you are making, to create a better fit or to allow the circumstances to
suggest more appropriate alternatives. Plans are the first word, not the last,
and departing from them is not a sign of weakness or failure. Whatever you are
making, the most effective and rewarding projects require a great deal of
creative adaptation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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This is not just about comedy. People laugh at improvisation
not because it is funny, per se, but because they find it joyful.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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This raises the question “ How do improvisers generate
flow?” The most familiar method—break a problem into its component parts and
analyze what to do—won’t work. However quickly you think, there isn’t time to
process all the possible responses and work out what the best one would be.
Being smart or clever in the conventional sense is not enough. In fact, on the
improv stage, trying to be clever often does more harm than good (an idea we
will explore more thoroughly later on). Improvisers need a more efficient
method than trying to cram thousands of possible scenarios into their brains.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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A similar difficulty bedeviled attempts by engineers to make
robots walk. Robots with large centralized “brains” can become paralyzed when
trying to process everything around them. As a result, they would spend their
time “not walking, but worrying about getting the layout of the yard right.”3
Robot engineers (and their robots) took a great step forward when, instead of
trying to give their machines a central processor clever enough to analyze
everything, they provided each leg with a little processing power of its own and
some simple rules to follow (rather like the reflexes in our own bodies).
Improvisers have arrived at a similar solution. As Gary explained on that
pivotal day in the Three Lions Bakery, what they have is a practice made up of
a small set of simple rules (or individual “practices”) that can be applied in
any situation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Practice is not only something you do, but something you
keep doing. If you want to be really good at something you are never done with
practice. The best footballers in the world still practice their passing. The
best musicians still play scales.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Seeing a world full of offers feels very different from
seeing a world full of problems. Problems are something you want to get rid of,
whereas an offer is something you can take and use.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Let’s try again and this time I will give you some direction
based on the practice of seeing everything as an offer. As before, we are
looking for an original title for a story. This time, before you do anything
else, look around you and just start to reel off (or note) what you see,
particularly anything you hadn’t noticed before. Don’t limit yourself to the
names of objects—include textures, associations, anything. Open up to your
other senses too, what do you hear, touch, feel, taste, smell? Include your
inner sensations, too. It only takes a few seconds and allowing yourself to
slow down, just a tiny bit, will enable you to respond all the faster. I am
going to join in and do the same thing as I write. Here we go…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Couch, leaf, black, cement, house, cloudless, purple, soft,
corduroy, square, handle, smooth, patchy, musical, grouchy, raffia, Japanese,
roller skates, trunk, beauty. There are some offers. As yet I don’t know where
these will lead me but I know they are offers. Now that they have been made
visible dozens of potential titles are available, too, just by combining them.
For example: “The Japanese Roller Skates” or “Patchy Black” or “The Grouchy
House” or “Raffia and Cement” or “Cloudless Beauty” or “Couched in Purple.” I
could easily go on, but you get the point.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nonetheless it is important to understand that seeing
everything as an offer is not about looking on the bright side. In Monty
Python’s Life of Brian people break into song as they are being crucified,
happily intoning, “Always look on the bright side of life.” This is not what I
mean by seeing everything as an offer. Looking on the bright side is a kind of
judgment and, as we will explore in Chapter 8, part of the improviser’s practice
is to stay out of judgment (i.e., to try and avoid premature decisions about
what is good or bad).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Seeing everything as an offer does not require you to see
the loss of your job, your dog or your grandfather’s antique wristwatch as a
good thing—it just asks you to look at the reality you face, ugly or otherwise,
and ask yourself the question “What is here that I can use?” An offer is not
nice or nasty, prickly or cuddly; someone falling asleep in your presentation,
a pay raise or a broken leg are all offers in equal measure. The only question
the practice leads to is “What do I want to do with this?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When bad things happen, we feel bad. Trying to see them as
good feels fake and creates conflict within us. Much better to concentrate on
how you can constructively use whatever you have been given.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If the practice is “use what you have,” then “what do I
have?” is an obvious question you can attack immediately, which gives you a
simple, easy way to get going.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This does not mean that accepting is good and blocking is
bad. You need both, but in different measures and at different moments. The
skill is to know how to use accepting and blocking to your advantage; not by
using them equally, but by understanding the consequences of each so you know
which serves your purpose.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Occasionally this discussion of the virtues of accepting
leads people to believe I am recommending you should say yes to every offer. I
am not. It is impossible to accept every offer, and if you try, you will
quickly end up feeling confused, overburdened or exploited. Accepting too many
offers can bring its own difficulties, as we shall see in the next chapter.
What is most important, whether you block or accept, is to do so consciously
rather than simply being driven by habit and circumstance.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One senior executive had a very perceptive way of summing up
the balance between accepting and blocking. In the immediate aftermath of a
workshop he said, “I have realized that I block about 95 percent of the time.”
Gary and I asked him what conclusion he drew from this, and he said, “Blocking
seems to be an essential part of my role, so I think I probably should be
blocking about 70 percent of the time, but I realize now that often I just
block out of habit, ignorance, or fear. I am going to work hard to cut out the
25 percent that I block unnecessarily because that is where the future of my
company lies.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This shift of focus may be a little counterintuitive at
first, but it is easy enough once you get the hang of it. This can be quite a
big change—most of us normally spend an inordinate amount of time and energy
worrying about ourselves. So when that knot in your stomach tightens up and you
feel panic beginning to rise, push your attention out instead of letting it
flee (or sink) inwards. Don’t think you have to come up with an answer or a
clever response. Look around you, notice what other people are doing or saying,
pay close attention to their expressions, their body language, their energy. If
you do, just like the improviser, you will find that, almost invariably,
something suggests itself. We often work harder than we need in order to try
and look good, and we can save ourselves a lot of effort simply by being
present.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Improvisers also concentrate on adopting a physical attitude
they call “fit and well,” which is the opposite of “sick and feeble.” It
consists of being open, balanced and upright. This physical attitude is in
itself a creative force and will often induce or allow new ideas to come forth.
Confidence can create competence, as well as the other way around. There is
nothing mystical about this. Recent developments in science have started to
uncover the biochemical underpinnings of thought and feeling, and it turns out
that the neurotransmitters that mediate how we think and feel are produced as
much in the body as in the brain. Your bodily state literally affects what you
think. It is not a metaphor. Move your body and you will change your personal
biochemistry in a tangible way.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since there is nothing you can do to stop shadow stories
coming, the practice is to let go of them, or at least, not to become attached
to them. When you let go of one shadow story another one will soon spring up
unbidden, which you can also let go of. This means there are plenty of
opportunities to practice. One specific way of working on this is to make sure
that you don’t finish other people’s sentences. Let them say what they want,
rather than filling in with your own shadow story. If you let them finish, you
might find that what they say is more interesting than you had imagined. Even
if it isn’t, they will thank you for respecting them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Step 1—List the Routines. Take some project or process that
feels stuck and list all the routines you can find. Include anything that is a
repeated piece of behavior, like “we use TV advertising,” “we sit in the same
place at the table” or “our recommended retail price is always something and ninety-nine
cents.” You want to be as comprehensive as you can. Don’t worry if the routines
sound obvious or dull. This step alone can be illuminating. Is the list long or
short? Were routines easy or hard to find? Are they your own particular
routines or are they industry or category ones? Can you spot any redundant
conventions (like the headless fish)? Step 2—Choose Some Routines to Break. The
second step is to choose a few of these to break (you only need a few). Look
for the ones that might be limiting you, or that might just be fun to play
around with. Step 3—Brainstorm Ways to Break These Routines. Then brainstorm
ways in which you could break them. Don’t hold back here. This is a chance to
let a little bit of nonsense into the process, and nonsensical thoughts often
lead you toward new ideas.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Step 4—Choose Which Idea to Use to Break the Routine. From
the long list of ideas, choose one to adopt. This is the point where you get
practical, so you might need to tone down or adapt some of the wilder ideas to
fit your circumstances.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Improv directors and teachers discovered awhile ago that “be
changed by what you hear” is a much better piece of direction for an actor than
“listen better.” This is logical—you can only know I have heard you if there is
some kind of observable response, otherwise you are merely broadcasting. In a
nutshell, their advice would be to get bad at poker—it is the opposite of the
poker face that gives nothing away—you need to show, demonstrate or signal that
you have heard.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That kind of motivation is invaluable, and, by stark
contrast with motivational speakers, it costs nothing, which is a thumping big
offer. Next time you have the annual conference or company meeting, why not
invert the normal convention and instead of getting an outside speaker, turn it
into an Abrashoff-style exercise in listening that demonstrates a real
willingness to be changed? Or design it to elicit suggestions and ideas and
then use the podium to announce those ideas that you can put into action immediately.
If it feels risky to turn a conference into a listening exercise, just imagine
for a moment the risk you are taking with yet more blah blah blah.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Imagine we are working together on a basic three-ball
exchange (the fundamental unit of juggling in which each ball swaps place). I
see that the throws from your right hand regularly fall too far forward—out of
reach of the left. Rather than give you detailed corrective instructions, I
simply ask you to notice what is happening to the throws from your right hand.
As your awareness kicks in, there is a very strong tendency to autocorrect and
the throws from your right hand start to land in a better place on their own.
Experience shows this works better than telling you what corrections to make.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The same is true with the improvisational practice. Try not
to issue corrective instructions like “I must block less.” Instead, if blocking
were the area you wanted to work on, set yourself the goal of noticing when and
how you block. Write it down in a journal or diary. See if you notice any
obvious patterns but don’t try too hard to analyze it. Stay with noticing.
Often, that effort alone will induce a constructive change.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yet though Igor was undoubtedly unusual, Homo sovieticus was
remarkably familiar. I have seen plenty of people in London or Los Angeles
struggle in much the same way. Improvisational exercises are designed so that
no one can determine what happens; however, like Igor, many people find this
difficult to accept and quickly start to tell other people what to say or do.
Rather than allow something to emerge, they try to coerce or compel other people
to conform with their own idea. This happens fast. Many people have so little
tolerance for uncertainty and ambiguity that they will get visibly agitated
within a matter of seconds.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Even if they refuse
to play, you can still use that. You could ask them why there was resistance to
doing something different and that might provoke a conversation they really
need to have.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Psychologist Guy Claxton dubs the kind of rational,
conceptual thought which happily delivers verbal explanations as our “hare
brain.” He contrasts this with our unconscious, intuitive capacities which he
calls the “tortoise mind.” By definition the tortoise mind is invisible and
mysterious and doesn’t give reasoned explanations. Which allows the hare brain
to assume that the tortoise mind is only good at low-level functions like
regulating heartbeat or digesting food.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In a nutshell, I see that certainty is becoming less
important than creativity. We are not so much living in an age of change, but
living through a change of age.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A recent session at the Saïd Business School brought this
home to me. A participant (on a leadership program) either failed to hear or
completely misunderstood an instruction for a game. As a result, an exercise
which depended on a message being passed along a line was about to crash
completely. I stood to one side of the room watching, and as the flow of the
game began to stutter and it began to break down, I could feel the heat of
people’s gaze. They were looking to me to see whether this was right or if it
was working. I could feel anxiety rising and an inner voice started to whisper
that I could step in and correct what was happening. I was on verge of doing so
when something inside me shifted. My breathing slowed, I felt very grounded and
suddenly it became obvious to me that I didn’t have to listen to the voice. I
smiled involuntarily, my body relaxed and everyone around the room understood,
as clearly as if I had said it out loud, that everything was just fine. I would
even wager that at this point some people thought I had set up the disruption
on purpose. In reality I had no idea that it would occur or what would happen
next, but I knew and trusted the feeling that it would lead somewhere
interesting, which it did. It opened the door to a fabulous few minutes. We
laughed and learned so much. The breakdown in communication that had happened
in the game gave us a real experience of the issues leaders face and led to a
great conversation. What the group was able to observe and create together was
far more powerful than anything I might have prepared beforehand. This was the
joy of uncertainty coming home to roost.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-33630672846883791222012-12-27T18:36:00.002-08:002012-12-27T18:36:43.000-08:00It Looked Different on the ModelIt Looked Different on the Model: Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy by Laurie Notaro<br />
<br />
From Amazon:<br />
<br />
Everyone’s favorite Idiot Girl, Laurie Notaro, is just trying to find the right fit, whether it’s in the adorable blouse that looks charming on the mannequin but leaves her in a literal bind or in her neighborhood after she’s shamefully exposed at a holiday party by delivering a low-quality rendition of “Jingle Bells.” Notaro makes misstep after riotous misstep as she shares tales of marriage and family, including stories about the dog-bark translator that deciphers Notaro’s and her husband’s own “woofs” a little too accurately, the emails from her mother with “FWD” in the subject line (“which in email code means Forecasting World Destruction”), and the dead-of-night shopping sprees and Devil Dog–devouring monkeyshines of a creature known as “Ambien Laurie.” At every turn, Notaro’s pluck and irresistible candor set the New York Times bestselling author on a journey that’s laugh-out-loud funny and utterly unforgettable.<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-81240372590174650962012-12-27T18:34:00.001-08:002012-12-27T18:34:07.307-08:00GracelingGraceling by Kristin Cashore<br />
<br />
From Amazon:<br />
<br />
If you had the power to kill with your bare hands, what would you do with it?<br /><br />Graceling takes readers inside the world of Katsa, a warrior-girl in her late teens with one blue eye and one green eye. This gives her haunting beauty, but also marks her as a Graceling. Gracelings are beings with special talents—swimming, storytelling, dancing. Katsa's Grace is considered more useful: her ability to fight (and kill, if she wanted to) is unequaled in the seven kingdoms. Forced to act as a henchman for a manipulative king, Katsa channels her guilt by forming a secret council of like-minded citizens who carry out secret missions to promote justice over cruelty and abuses of power.<br /><br />Combining elements of fantasy and romance, Cashore skillfully portrays the confusion, discovery, and angst that smart, strong-willed girls experience as they creep toward adulthood. Katsa wrestles with questions of freedom, truth, and knowing when to rely on a friend for help. This is no small task for an angry girl who had eschewed friendships (with the exception of one cousin that she trusts) for her more ready skills of self-reliance, hunting, and fighting. Katsa also comes to know the real power of her Grace and the nature of Graces in general: they are not always what they appear to be.<br /><br />Graceling is the first book in a series, and Kristin Cashore’s first work of fiction. It sets up a vivid world with engaging characters that readers will certainly look forward to following beyond the last chapter of this book. (Ages 14 and up) --Heidi Broadhead<br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-54825113570391529282012-12-27T18:30:00.002-08:002012-12-27T18:30:12.787-08:00The Age of MiraclesThe Age of Miracles by Karen Thompson Walker<br />
<br />
From Amazon:<br />
<br />
It’s never the disasters you see coming that finally come to pass—it’s the ones you don’t expect at all,” says Julia, in this spellbinding novel of catastrophe and survival by a superb new writer. Luminous, suspenseful, unforgettable, The Age of Miracles tells the haunting and beautiful story of Julia and her family as they struggle to live in a time of extraordinary change.<br /> <br />On an ordinary Saturday in a California suburb, Julia awakes to discover that something has happened to the rotation of the earth. The days and nights are growing longer and longer; gravity is affected; the birds, the tides, human behavior, and cosmic rhythms are thrown into disarray. In a world that seems filled with danger and loss, Julia also must face surprising developments in herself, and in her personal world—divisions widening between her parents, strange behavior by her friends, the pain and vulnerability of first love, a growing sense of isolation, and a surprising, rebellious new strength. With crystalline prose and the indelible magic of a born storyteller, Karen Thompson Walker gives us a breathtaking portrait of people finding ways to go on in an ever-evolving world.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-42351698668813241642012-12-27T18:27:00.003-08:002012-12-27T18:27:32.831-08:00WildWild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed<br />
<br />
Description from Amazon:<br />
<br />
A powerful, blazingly honest memoir: the story of an eleven-hundred-mile solo hike that broke down a young woman reeling from catastrophe—and built her back up again.<br /> <br />At twenty-two, Cheryl Strayed thought she had lost everything. In the wake of her mother's death, her family scattered and her own marriage was soon destroyed. Four years later, with nothing more to lose, she made the most impulsive decision of her life: to hike the Pacific Crest Trail from the Mojave Desert through California and Oregon to Washington State (1,100 miles) and to do it alone. She had no experience as a long-distance hiker, and the trail was little more than “an idea, vague and outlandish and full of promise.” But it was a promise of piecing back together a life that had come undone. <br /> <br />Strayed faces down rattlesnakes and black bears, intense heat and record snowfalls, and both the beauty and loneliness of the trail. Told with great suspense and style, sparkling with warmth and humor, Wild vividly captures the terrors and pleasures of one young woman forging ahead against all odds on a journey that maddened, strengthened, and ultimately healed her.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-35365014438922377572012-12-16T14:25:00.001-08:002012-12-16T14:26:30.267-08:00BoomerangBoomerang by Michael Lewis<br />
<br />
I lent this book before I had a chance to note my favourite excerpts...<br />
<br />
From Amazon:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="p1">
The tsunami of cheap credit that rolled across the planet between 2002 and 2008 was more than a simple financial phenomenon: it was temptation, offering entire societies the chance to reveal aspects of their characters they could not normally afford to indulge. </div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
Icelanders wanted to stop fishing and become investment bankers. The Greeks wanted to turn their country into a piñata stuffed with cash and allow as many citizens as possible to take a whack at it. The Germans wanted to be even more German; the Irish wanted to stop being Irish. </div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
Michael Lewis's investigation of bubbles beyond our shores is so brilliantly, sadly hilarious that it leads the American reader to a comfortable complacency: oh, those foolish foreigners. But when he turns a merciless eye on California and Washington, DC, we see that the narrative is a trap baited with humor, and we understand the reckoning that awaits the greatest and greediest of debtor nations.</div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1"><br />
</span> To get a flavor for the book and Lewis' writing style, here are some of Lewis' passages, in his own words:</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p4">
Iceland: "Iceland instantly became the only nation on earth that Americans could point to and say, `Well, at least we didn't do that!'"</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p4">
Greece: "As it turned out, what the Greeks wanted to do, once the lights went out and they were alone in the dark with a pile of borrowed money, was to turn their government into a pinata stuffed with fantastic sums and give as many citizens as possible a whack at it."</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p4">
Ireland: "But while the Icelandic male used foreign money to conquer foreign places--trophy companies in Britain, chunks of Scandinavia--the Irish male used foreign money to conquer Ireland. Left alone in a dark room with a pile of money, the Irish decided what they really wanted to do was buy Ireland. From each other."</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p4">
Germany: "Either Germans must agree to integrate Europe fiscally, so that Germany and Greece bear the same relationship to each other as, say, Indiana and Mississippi (the tax dollars of ordinary Germans would go into a common coffer and be used to pay for the lifestyles of ordinary Greeks) or the Greeks (and probably, eventually, every non-German) must introduce `structural reforms,' a euphemism for magically and radically transforming themselves into a people as efficient and productive as the Germans."</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p4">
Quoting Lewis quote UCLA neuroscientist Peter Whybrow in the book's last chapter (on California's financial problems, not European countries), Lewis writes, "'Human beings are wandering around with brains that are fabulously limited. We've got the core of the average lizard.' Wrapped around this reptilian core is a mammalian layer (associated with maternal concern and social interaction), and around that is wrapped a third layer, which enables feats of memory and the capacity for abstract thought. 'The only problem is our passions are still driven by the lizard core.' Even a person on a diet who sensibly avoids coming face-to-face with a piece of chocolate cake will find it hard to control himself if the chocolate cake somehow finds him. Every pastry chef in America understands this, and now nueroscience does, too. 'In that moment the value of eating the chocolate cake exceeds the value of the diet. We cannot think down the road when we are faced with the chocolate cake.' ... Everywhere you turn you see Americans sacrifice their long-term interests for a short-term reward."</div>
<div class="p4">
<br />
http://www.vanityfair.com/contributors/michael-lewis</div>
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-28801332943133863062012-12-16T14:19:00.001-08:002012-12-16T14:19:17.042-08:00The Deep Democracy of Open Forums
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Deep Democracy of Open Forums: Practical Steps to
Conflict Prevention and Resolution for the Family, Workplace, and World by
Arnold Mindell<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some of my favourite excerpts…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Therefore, in this book, I look forward to sharing with you and describing<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How to recognize and explore conflict, instead of
conflicting with conflict and repressing
it<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ways to enjoy and know your deepest self during group
meetings<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How to use inner experience in organizations<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How to put deep democracy into practice when complex feelings and diversity issues are at stake<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How to apply deep democracy to create "preventative
medicine" in organization meetings
such as Open Forums, in all sorts of
communities, at any time, and especially during crisis periods<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How to work with the surface issues that trouble our
organizations, and explore the deepest
feelings, dreams, and stories that create
communities<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How the mysterious background that hovers around each of
us and our organizations contains the
power of change</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My point is that considering the "dictators" or
the system to be the problem is
superficial. The deeper problem lies with the manner in which all of us do or do not use our awareness
of the roles and "ghosts"
(that is, third parties who are spoken about but not directly
represented) in community. Each time we
ignore our own hurtful signals and the
signals of others, each time we ignore ghosts, we co-create a terrifying world, and destroy our own organizations.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In process work, awareness is the key. As in Taoism's view,
the necessary next steps to
relationships are found in the momentary situation. The job of conflict managers is not only to
reorganize people, but also to help
people recognize how their own communication signals and dreams, the hidden signals and feelings, the
hidden Tao, so to speak, of<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a given situation reorganize organizations. These vital
signals and dreams bring people back
into step with one another. The point is to
train our awareness to notice the necessary next steps hidden in what
I will later define as "body
signals" and "organizational ghosts." Awareness inevitably reveals the new steps
that can transform even intractable
conflict.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The point is that democracy furthers power, not
awareness. Therefore, no one intervenes
when a person or group exerts its psychological power and "rules" others. Today's
democracy is like an old dance. We need
a new dance, a deeper democracy, based on awareness of what is happening inside ourselves and
others.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The point of the story is that democratic procedures such
as Robert's Rules of Order work best
only when they have been preceded by
awareness of the deepest inner experiences of the group's members. Democracy as an outer form has great value, but
without precise awareness of inner
states, it can unwittingly propagate abuse and denigration by supporting power over people.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you want more information on process-oriented methods of
helping organizations solve apparently
intractable problems, see my Year One for an overview of conflict
work. The Leader as Martial Artist gives
you a general background to the methods, and my Sitting in the Fire addresses
large-group work with highly emotional
issues around war, race, and gender.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gossip is important; it tells us that there is a kind of
dreaming going on; things are happening
in the group, under the surface.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The facilitator must point out that ageism-favoring one age group of people
over another age group-is a moment-to-moment process as well as a social
problem.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
process-oriented
worldwork is really a continuum with at least three formats:
business-styled negotiation and
community-making procedures, Open Forum
work, and large-group emotional work. These formats overlap and can be combined,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In this book, I focus mainly on the Open Forum because of
its wide application and preventative
value: If it is used regularly, many (perhaps
all) of the more extreme situations may be avoided. The semilinear process of Open Forums is progressive: There
is a beginning, a conflict, and, often,
an end or resolution. For example, a problem is stated and methods of dealing with that problem are
explored. Then, dialogue that<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
allows unpredictable emotional interchange can emerge.
Finally, this interchange is followed by
proposals gained from insights into existing
diversity factors and prior experiences with the current tension.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The most helpful idea
I know of for clearing out your mind and
preparing for the Open Forum is to consider that the Open Forum you want to facilitate is entirely within
yourself. Take a moment and try the
following suggestions for innerwork.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Imagine the coming (or a possible) Open Forum. If you are
not preparing for one in the moment,
imagine one, think of an issue important
to you that you would like to see processed in an Open Forum. What issue comes to mind just
now?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Imagine two speakers who come forward to dialogue about
the issue at stake. Give these two
people names, Ms. You and Mr. Other. Now
imagine the Open Forum and these two speakers.
Let's say that each speaker talks for one minute. Listen quietly to what each has to say. Let each side speak
deeply about her or his point of view. (Make
notes.) Let each side speak about what
is essential to him or her. What are the basic points each side is trying to make?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ms. You:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mr. Other:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. Now ask yourself: "How do the two sides represent
different aspects of my own thinking,
behavior, and deep-seated feelings?
Which side or view would I like to be more conscious of in the future? How can I be open to and
understand this side of myself?"
Does your imaginary Open Forum reflect inner problems you have recently been thinking about? Open
Forums can be a powerful method of
discovering what is happening deep
within yourself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4. Also ask yourself how the imaginary Open Forum reflects
relationship issues you have been
thinking about. What side have you been
on inside yourself, and how does your one-sidedness help to create problems? What would you like
to change, if anything, in your own
life as a result of this innerwork, in this next few minutes and in the coming week?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The point of this exercise is to get clear in yourself about
who you are and how you are the world.
If you<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When awareness is
present, the spontaneous behavior of everyone is awakened and unpredictable processes emerge that are
what's best for all. In the example of
the Open Forum in Ireland, I spoke about the body gestures of the man with lethal blood pressure, and
how noticing those gestures led to the
common ground between opposing parties.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are not clear about the subsidiary issues under the
umbrella topic, you may find yourself sideswiped.
You begin the Open Forum by focusing on
the stated issue, then someone representing a group or issue that you forgot comes forward and
attacks you for marginalizing them.
Then, in spite of your good intentions, there you are, being attacked and looking embarrassed. Instead of
being the helpful facilitator you
wanted to be, you have suddenly become a victim of the very people you were hoping to empower!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The moral of the story is "Know what's under the
umbrella" ahead of time, and when a
subsidiary issue arises, frame it. For example, in the forum on sexism, one woman complained that
she was not compensated equally with
men for her job. At this very moment, another participant raised her hand to speak and seemed to
change the subject, discussing how much
worse things were for older women regarded as
"over the hill." You might then say, "Oh, here is the
topic of ageism," and so forth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The people you speak to can help you do the necessary
outreach before the forum. Ask them who
to contact, whom they would like to see there, what magazines and papers they
read; ask about websites, and the like.
Follow your intuition; call the top rank as well as those lower down in your
city, business, or school hierarchy. (Amanda: good insights on invitation)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What do you look like to other people? Finding this out could be a big shock to you!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How are you seen in terms of your ...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">♦</span> Gender<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">♦</span> Race<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Age<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">♦</span> Health<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">♦</span> Social
rank<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">♦</span>
Education<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">♦</span>
Profession<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">♦</span> Sexual
orientation<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">♦</span>
Religion<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">♦</span>
Language<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You should first answer these questions yourself, then ask
others as well. You need to know how you
are perceived and discuss those perceptions
with others so that you are less surprised by participants'
reactions. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The following innerwork is designed to make you feel as
able as possible to use the abilities at
your disposal.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Consider an issue you would like to see addressed in an
Open Forum. What is the topic at hand?
What are some of the possible subsidiary
issues that might arise? Who are your teammates? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Can you imagine the circumstances under which you might
feel the shyest in the Open Forum you
are imaging? Can you imagine the type
of person at the Open Forum who might make you
feel the shyest or most fearful? What are the key elements and attributes? Confrontation? Humiliation?
Sorrow? Guilt?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. Now imagine what that person might say and how she
might behave. This can be difficult to
do, but try it anyhow. Listen to her
viewpoint. What is it? Does she say or imply that you know too little, are insignificant, are out of
place, etc.?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4. When you are ready, imagine being that person, thinking
her thoughts and even gesturing the way
she gestures. Now, in your innerwork,
make faces and gestures like she might make.
Sit like she sits; speak to yourself as that person. Note the
feeling of being that person. What does
this feel like? As that person, what is
your central message? Write it out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5. Now let's go back to your position, and if you can,
appreciate your viewpoint as well. Be as
kind as you can be, and think about what
you might say in return. Take your own side lovingly and listen to your message. Speak back;
speak about your viewpoint. Write it
out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
6. Imagine something or someone that can help you and
your opponent come closer together. Let
your unconscious mind create a
resolution, something simple and immediate. Take a moment with this. Notice how this coming
closer happens, and write down this
resolution. Is it someone who appreciates and
loves both sides? Is it someone standing on one side or another?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
7. Recognize how the roles you just played (namely, that of
yourself and your opponent) might be
parts of a larger group process. Imagine
the whole group processing these roles; perhaps two figures come forward to process these
roles as others look on. Play them out
in your imagination, even write out some
of the statements made by both sides, and get to know these roles and the positions.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even if only one person in one hundred is aware of what is
happening, the group will feel safe, and respected.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Choose speakers from
the most extreme positions you can find
on the issue, to avoid the "hovering ghosts" phenomenon.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
An optimistic,
happy-go-lucky facilitator walking into an area where there has
been much bloodshed is not appropriate
or effective. If you ignore the trauma
and history there, people will not trust you. They will give you a
chance if you acknowledge that it is difficult
to begin a discussion on such a painful
issue. Make sure people realize that you empathize with them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think limiting the invited speakers to five minutes is
helpful.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Experts," politicians, and social activists may
want to go on forever, inadvertently
dominating others by speaking on and on.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don't worry about
cutting them short. Such speakers may not feel hurt if you tell them the time limitation ahead of the event,
then, at a given moment during their
presentation, smile and say, "Your time is about up!"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In large Open Forums, holding folks down to about two
minutes each by saying, "Your two
minutes are up," allows others to speak as
well. You can frame your request positively by saying, "Yours is
an important point, now sum it up,
please, because others are waiting to
make points as well."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The more you communicate awareness of processes, the safer people will feel. For
example, if a person or a group
threatens another group or individual, instead of only tolerating a silence, you might say, "In the moment,
someone has spoken strongly, and someone
else in the room might be too scared to speak back."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have spoken of "weather reporting," that is,
noticing and announcing the atmosphere
in the room. Keep your eye on body signals,
such as the smiles, postures, and gestures that do not make
immediate sense to you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Notice roles (the momentary players, such as the
"oppressor," the
"oppressed," "terrorists," "leaders,"
etc.-each group has its own names for
these roles).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You will need to become aware of "ghost
roles"-that is, people and events
that are mentioned but not present or represented. (Examples of ghost roles abound: folks who have been
spoken about but who have died, the
trees spoken of in a discussion about the environment but not represented, or the president of a country
mentioned who is not present.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Notice communication barriers or "edges"-the
sudden inability of individuals to speak
or complete what they are saying.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Hot spots are
especially important in the Open Forum. A hot spot is a moment during a group process where
something flickers in the group's
attention but is dropped because it is too scary, too emotional.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is no one fixed definition of a hot spot, since it is
a matter of opinion as to what is
"hot." For example, if someone mentions sex and everyone giggles, that could be a hot spot.
If someone insinuates that the community
has a problem that is difficult to speak about, then everyone is silent, that could be a hot spot.
If men's rights at home are mentioned in
Japan and everyone laughs, that is a hot spot. Facilitators of Open Forums need to develop awareness of
hot spots.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In principle, hot spots contain core, essential feelings and
are good energy in which to
"cook" community issues. However, these hot spots are often so hot, at first, that the issues
are avoided. Eventually you must explore
them, because they are the places where fires and earthquakes can break out later. In geology, hot spots
are places in the upper crust of the
Earth where hot stuff from below touches the surface. They are spots where volcanic eruptions originate
later.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In any case, after the first speakers have introduced the
various sides of the topic to be
discussed, use your awareness to notice roles,
ghost roles, edges, and hot spots. Hot spots are important because they contain deep issues. If you miss a hot spot,
it returns-and when it<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
returns, it usually is in an escalated fashion. Most
violence occurs because hot spots were
never addressed in the first place.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>In Open Forums, give
gentle attention to hot spots. Sometimes all
you need to say is "Oops, that was a very big topic. Do we want to
stay with it or move on?"<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Awareness insights about such ghost roles and hot spots
serve as powerful interventions and are
best delivered with gentleness. Remember
that awareness itself can be used as a power tactic over others. Mention what you notice; call it simply a
viewpoint, not a fact. For example, say
something like "It seems to me as if the government might be an unrepresented figure."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For example, instead of using the term "hot spot,"
you might say, "That was an
emotional moment, shall we return to it?" Instead of "ghost role," you might say,
"That government is part of us right now
in our attitudes."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember working with a group in a mental health center
that was having trouble with their
"boss." They said that the boss was a
"real dictator" who had no feeling for others. Since the boss
did not show up at the meeting arranged
to settle the problem, the boss became a
ghost role. Seeing that, Amy suggested that everyone play the boss. Suddenly, all the participants
became more direct and straightforward;
they became distant instead of behaving as usual-feeling and relating to one another. Gradually, each
gleaned a different view of the boss and
everyone laughed. The boss's style was just what was needed. In this case, the mainstream
power, the boss, was a ghost-and one
that was needed!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you use a semilinear style, try, after someone from one side of the issue has spoken, to
help someone from the other side speak
as well and not just cower in the background in fear. In a tense situation, even if no one's hand from
the "other side" is raised,
you might ask, "Would someone from the other side like to say
anything?" If no one chooses to
speak, you can leave your role as facilitator
and say, "I will just take this role temporarily, since otherwise
it will be left out."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Call the two imaginary positions in conflict A and B.
Imagine position A says, "Woof,
woof, woof!" and position B responds with
"Meeeooowww!" Let's say A and B, dog and cat, are really
stuck. No one is budging. Things are
getting louder and louder and beginning to
scare everyone. Violence is imminent. What next? Run for the hills?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No, sit in the fire! One way of working with this escalation
is to walk over to B, stand next to that
person, and try saying something like,
"Indeed, our position is truly Meeeoow, but some of us also see the point of the Woof!" Move back to A and
say, "Woof is for us the only way
to go, but then, after hearing from you, some of us will admit that Meeoooww is not entirely foreign to us!"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As the facilitator,
you can go from one side to the other and say, "Yes, some of us
over here do hear a little bit of what
you are saying, though the majority of
us in this position do not agree with you." This increases the
fluidity of the process because you give
people a model for going over an edge.
They don't want to admit that they agree, but in their hearts, they
really do agree. Sometimes participants
will not show agreement with the other side because they fear being perceived
by their own side as a traitor.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Imagine a confrontation between these two parties. Listen
closely in your innerwork to what people
are saying. First, what are the leaders
saying?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Leaders: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(For example, the leaders might be saying, "We are
doing a good job, we mean well, and are
fed up with constantly being attacked.")<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What are the opponents (or the activists) suggesting?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Opponents: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(For example, "You people want all the power and have
no real interest in the life situations
of people you have marginalized!")<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now look at these two statements and try to find the core,
the essence, of each of the messages.
What is the essence of the leaders'
idea? Of the opponents' position?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Essence of the leaders' message: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(For example, "We are good people, stop hurting
us.")<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Essence of the opponents' message: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(For example, "We are protecting ourselves from you. We
hate to be so tough, and might relax if
you respected and valued us more.")<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why does each side have to become so dramatic? Can you feel
that reason? The reason the leaders have
become so dramatic is that:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(For example, they are afraid that the organization will
fail.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The activists are dramatic because: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(For example, they feel ignored as people.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now let me ask you a truly inner-directed question about
yourself. How are you leading your life
in such a manner as to sometimes marginalize
important parts of yourself? In what manner have you been marginalizing one of your own deepest
aspects-which has therefore become more
dramatic in its communication to you, than you care to admit?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After doing this work, you may feel able to understand the
various sides of your community or
organization well enough to stand for them.
In this way, during the forum, you can help the marginalized group make its points heard and enable changes to
be made. You are more likely to feel
compassion for those in power and enable them to take a stand and, at the same time, remain open
enough to the issues about privileges
and powers to create possible solutions. (Amanda: why inner work like The Work
is important to do before hosting)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This makes big news. The crook, thief, criminal, and liar were caught! Every
day, new oppressors are identified and
jailed! Hurrah! Nevertheless, their number is inexhaustible, in part because so few of us are aware of the
oppressor as a ghost role present in
everyone's behavior.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Any given topic has at least three levels of consciousness
associated with it. Let me summarize
these levels:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyday reality, or consensus reality: This is the world
people identify as being the real one.
In an Open Forum, everyday reality is
the world of people and events, figures and facts. You have the mainstream and marginalized sections of the
population. Statistics and numbers are
everyday reality. Systemic change occurs
when people begin to discuss changes in the organization's structure or rules-its expression of
consensus reality.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dreamland: This is the world of body signals and of ghosts
and roles that people rarely see as
themselves, but project outside into the
world as parties (which are, or are not present). Dreamland is a reality too, but not a consensual one. For
example, an oppressive style of
communication can be a ghost role, part of Dreamland projected onto oppressive individuals or
groups. Heartfulness, even God, or the
Earth can be roles to be played out in
Dreamland. Game-playing is a crucial aspect of Dreamland that every organization needs to experience at one
point or another.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Essence or common ground: This consists of basic energetic
tendencies, deep, common universal
principles and experiences-such as the
striving for life, death, and immortality-that all human beings in this universe may likely
share at one time or another. Essence
consciousness is especially important for those
who feel marginalized, because they are not interested in the polarizations of everyday life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The reason for understanding and defining these levels is
that if there is an unsolvable conflict
at one level, you can always turn to
another to find the resolution. If everyone is a victim in everyday
reality, the oppressor can always be
found in Dreamland-that is, in the body
signals and unidentified and disowned behavior.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you find yourself under attack, admitting your one-sidedness can create a
quick and satisfactory solution.
However, some attackers are not satisfied with quick solutions and you may be inadvertently pulled into a
debate. What then?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, as facilitator, be acutely aware of the delicacy of
such moments; they are usually hot
spots. The other side that is being put
down by clapping will eventually seek revenge. In my experience,
people who are put down remain quiet
for an average of twenty minutes. Then
comes their retaliation against the whole Open Forum: "This is a horrible place and nothing good was accomplished."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Therefore, when folks clap, frame it, saying, "While
many appreciate what has just been
said, I still remember the other side." Then you model awareness of all sides.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Specific semilinear methods for working with the small
groups after an Open Forum might be
modeled after the World Cafe concept or
Open Space technology. World Cafe might be good for small forums, where people sit at tables for four with a
piece of paper for a tablecloth. After
twenty minutes, three of the four switch to another table, sharing what they learned, and make more notes.
After several switches, put the papers
together and you have a record of discoveries. Open Space technology is similar. People create
interest groups around the main theme.
They then brainstorm on the topic of that interest group and collect their discoveries and resolutions
on paper, collecting the papers
afterward (Atlee 2001).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People appreciate the sun, but they feel that nature did the
work, or that the community did the
work. If they think that they did the
work, be happy. Your work was successful in the Taoist view of
things. In a larger sense, no one
"does" anything, and no one needs to he thanked; the power of life itself is at work
and in need of recognition.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The following
innerwork may be helpful.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Recall someone or some group from the Open Forum
that amazed or upset you the most, for
whatever reason. Let's focus on one such
person that upset you. Choose one. Recall what
she looked like and how she behaved. Make a note about her behavior. Was she too aggressive, loud,
insensitive, etc.?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. At least for a minute or two, imitate her, sit like her,
act like her, and finally be her. Sit
the way she might sit, and speak to yourself
the way she might speak. Try to feel your way into her feelings, just a little bit. Try seeing things from
her viewpoint, then take on her
viewpoint.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. What is meaningful and accurate about her viewpoint, her
way of thinking? Don't you also
sometimes think or feel this way, even a
little, on rare occasions? Try to identify such occasions.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4. What are that person's gender, race, sexual orientation,
age, health, nationality, economic
class, and educational background? In
what way do these social characteristics or designations play a role in the feelings you might have
about her, and about this side of
yourself that she represents? You need to ask
yourself these questions, because some of your feelings and
projections are linked to social
issues. What social power and privileges
does she have (or not have) that you do not have (or have)?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5. How might you use that behavior of hers, and that power
of yours that you have projected on her?
Perhaps you can even use that power
represented by her in a new or better manner
than she is using it. Make a note about how you would like to use this power in yourself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
6. Now imagine meeting this real person again and notice
any changes in your feelings toward her,
if any. Consider and imagine in what
manner your relationship with her will now change. Will it be more direct, softer, have more
understanding?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Ten minutes before the end, say: "We have ten
minutes left, and we are just beginning
to discover various aspects of this
organization. What has to happen next? Who has not spoken? Who will do what? Where and when will we do
it?"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My point, however, is that teammates working<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
together can frame certain views as reflections of diversity
in personality and culture and unblock
potentially deadly conflicts that arise
between people with seemingly irreconcilable styles who cannot
comprehend one another.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For example, any answer that is given to "Why don't you
know more about us?" will be wrong.
The question is a kind of trap; it is not
really a question at all. Rather, it is an indirect expression of agony
and frustration. The resolution is to
allow the agony and frustration behind
the question to emerge. The basic message the activist is giving
the speakers is "I dislike you
because you are hurting me directly and indirectly in the following ways ..."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alternatively, you might say to the speakers: "Others
insist that your way of speaking he more
reasonable. I hear the essence of what
you are telling us; we are socially shaming you and that must
stop." Go for the essence of a
situation that lies behind the message. Anger is important, but it is not the crucial element;
people get angry if the essence is
ignored.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Taking the role of the activist, you might say, "Some
of us activists are talking about outer
politics and the harm incurred by the unconsciousness of patriarchal and insensitive
leadership." At another point, when
resistance to the activist arises, you might say, "As activists we have been talking mainly about outer
realities. Now some of us are interested
in the dreaming government, that is the `enemy within,' patriarchal behavior that goes unnoticed, for
example, in speaking styles."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since you and others
listen mainly to the correct content of what she is saying, you
cannot figure out why you no longer
want to listen. The answer is simple.
Again, the old ghost of the repressor is present in the
communication style, which is completely
lacking in relatedness and fellowship.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Process work is part of a new, possibly more inclusive,
movement that encompasses the fair
distribution of wealth and material goods,
but also addresses issues of power, rank, and fellowship in
communication. The reason for this new
movement is simple: fair distribution of
material things inhibits but does not stop the abuses of racism,
sexism, and homophobia.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While the social activist says, "Stop the bad guys out
there," the psychosocial activist
says: "Let's begin a second revolution; let's notice those bad guys in our dreaming as
well. Notice how we relate to one
another, right here and now." Pushy styles are always ghosts, powers used unwittingly against people, instead of
for relationship.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The psychosocial activist manifests in her personal life
what she wants to see happen
politically. I think of Gandhi, who said, "Model the world you are wishing for." Today, he
would say, "Model, in the moment,
the world you are suggesting." If you want others to become
conscious of their misuse of power, be
conscious of the power you are using in the style of communication you choose to use in this
present moment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the second revolution, people who do a lot of innerwork
can be our guides. They notice the
abuser in themselves-how they put themselves
down, and how their communication style can put others down. I remember once watching a woman arguing in
favor of lesbian power, suddenly switch
her position to protect a homophobic man who could not understand why people of the same gender
had to have relationships. He said,
"I cannot understand why any of this unusual relationship stuff has to go on." Others attacked
him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She saw him freezing up, and recognized that he was being
marginalized. She said that she did not
want him to suffer like that. After all,
she had had enough inner experience putting herself down, and did not want the same to happen to him, although
the situation was reversed. She said
that she did not want this person to suffer, because she already knew what that feels like from
the inside. The man stuttered and
almost cried.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have always dreamed of such moments, but until then, had
never seen one happen in public. The
awareness, "We don't agree, and at the
same time we are one another," was actually lived out and
fully expressed. She used her own
innerwork on her sense of oppression as
a model for caring-even for her erstwhile opponent. She said, "I
know what it is like inside of me to be
put down and therefore I do not want you
to have to feel that way." That is the psychosocial activist.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is always a conflict in style between emotional and
intellectual roles. Framing the
situation by explaining that these are
different approaches is usually helpful.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ask the participants what they imagine being the reason for
the person's departure. If they think
the person left out of fear, then fear
is a ghost.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The question I posed
was "In relation to your community, what do you feel your rank is
in the areas of gender, race, sexual
orientation, age, health, spiritual connectedness, economics, education, social status in the
given community, psychological
well-being, and linguistic ability?" I did not define these attributes but let the people do so for
themselves.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Portland class found that if you had a cumulative rank of
less than nineteen, you would not speak
up! I would bet that if you have a score
of less than twenty-one, it is hard for you to speak up in a given situation. If you scored above twenty-one,
you probably feel confident in your
group. In another group or context, you will have more or less rank, depending on the moment and the
situation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thus, rank is cumulative and relative to a particular group
and theme. The bottom line is that
facilitators need to be sensitive to and
aware of the effects of rank and power on themselves and the
participants. Rank and power are
ghosts; they never show themselves directly.
However, you can surely feel them in your body!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Moreover, I should have sensed, knowing myself, that
activists rarely work well with one
another, each feeling her or his liberal position "is the best and only." I could
have said: "Your position is important;
you are an elder in this city. Thank you for your work." Then
I might have also added: "My
position is different. I want to listen to the
most disturbing voices here, so that they feel heard and are not
forced to resort to guns
elsewhere." Open Forums may reduce violence in the workplace and in the city, but only if all
voices are heard.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dialogue does not make money; it is beyond complex and
simple and requires subtle awareness of changes in feeling. We cannot
measure the results of such dialogue;
it meanders in a more circuitous, nonlinear
manner. All this takes patience. The purpose of the forum is not to solve the world's problems, but to
reawaken participants to their
diversity-both as individuals and as a large group-so that the process
of community can begin.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But please don't forget another question about success:
"Did the community learn about
itself?" To this question, the answer is
"Always." Open Forums are 100 percent successful in revealing
more parts of the community to its
members.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We need to change our minds about anger and realize it is not difficult to work with.
Most anger arises in response to not
being heard, respected, or trusted. Therefore, listening, respecting, and trusting are the keys-and they are
cost-free.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all need more rank awareness and consciousness of our own
inner states of revenge and retaliation. My book Sitting in the Fire
contains more tips for working on these
topics.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To see the whole
picture, however, we need to consider all theories simultaneously. We cannot separate one issue or approach
from another. For example, while
working on nationality factors that contribute to violence, we must remember economics. While working on
economics, we must remember race and
gender. While working on sexism we have to
remember health issues. While working on health issues we have to remember sexual orientation. While working on
sexual orientation we have to remember
racism.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Violence is an extreme state. Trying to cajole people
experiencing hatred, anger, and violence
into a more tractable, normal state of consciousness by suggesting good-heartedness or
nonviolence rarely works for long.
Recall the forum in Dublin I mentioned earlier in this book. Telling the combatants to cool down did not help;
what did help was awareness.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When this growing process begins, the side that has been
marginalized begins to remember
long-forgotten and painful memories about
war. That pain, which everyone wanted to forget, rises out of the
past like the spirit of the dead. As a
facilitator, you need to hear and grieve
that history, present now. Go into the history, not around it.
There you find the hope for a better
future. Even ask the dead what kind of
world they would create today.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The exception is if you are
working in an area where violence or war has just abated. In that
case, people may even need help avoiding
such subjects in an Open Forum, where
gentleness and patience are needed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the past, theater acted out our cultural problems and had
healing effects on a community. Theater
is important. It gives us a chance to
see our issues enacted.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today I understand that the real world of ours that is full
of peace and conflict is a monastery. I
love the peacefulness and beauty of identified
monasteries, but I also realize that peace is a state of mind that can be found anywhere we go. At that time, I
needed more of a sense of detachment in
my self and my work, the detachment I projected
onto the Roshi. My koan was "Forget the facilitator and become
one." That is, "Become an
elder." Or said differently, "Let things happen!"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After training yourself and learning as much as you can, it
is time to let the facilitator go, let
her die, let her move aside for nature to take
her place. The facilitator's symbolic death is a paradoxical moment
in which you are both dead and alive at
the same time. When the facilitator is
forgotten, the elder arises, and things happen on their own. At that moment, the Open Forum, social dialogue,
and organizational development become
nature's artwork. When the facilitator becomes
an elder, the Open Forum transforms into a monastery in which our interactions become nature's painting.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Today you may look
crazy. Tomorrow, it could be me.
Therefore, "You today and me tomorrow" is my motto. It
could also be "Me today and you
tomorrow."<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Choose speakers from the most extreme positions you can find on the issue to avoid the "hovering
ghosts" phenomenon.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Awareness work means noticing the weather (the
momentary atmosphere reigning in a
group); roles (the momentary players,
such as "oppressor," "oppressed," "terrorists,"
"leaders," etc. Each group has
its own names for these roles); ghost roles
(roles mentioned but not occupied by anyone present); edges (communication breaks); and hot spots
(apparently forbidden topics). Be gentle
in conveying your awareness; let the people
and their processes show you how to proceed. Remember that everyone has all roles inside.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Suggest an awareness intervention only three times. If it
is not picked up, recognize it is not
yet "time" for the community
as a whole. Take your awareness, then, as a suggestion to yourself. Tell the folks, "Whoops, that's my
process, I'll work on it at home."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-72737329980667491532012-12-16T13:46:00.003-08:002012-12-16T13:46:55.219-08:00So Far from Home: Lost and Found in Our Brave New World
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So Far from Home: Lost and Found in Our Brave New World by
Margaret J. Wheatley<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Some of my favourite excerpts…<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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This is not a book that contemplates what we might do next,
what we’ve learned from all our efforts, where we might put our energy and
experience in order to create positive change. I no longer believe that we can
save the world. Powerful, life-destroying dynamics have been set in motion that
cannot be stopped. We’re on a disastrous course with each other and with the
planet. We’ve lost track of our best human qualities and forgotten the real
sources of satisfaction, meaning and joy.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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We thought we could change the world.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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This vision, this hope, this possibility motivated me for
most of my life. It still occasionally seduces me into contemplating what might
be the next project, the next collaboration, the next big idea that could turn
this world around. But I’m learning to resist the temptation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My intention is that we do our work with greater resolve and
energy, with more delight and confidence, even as we understand that it won’t
turn this world around. Our work is essential; we just have to hold it
differently. This was beautifully described by Václav Havel, leader of the
Velvet Revolution, the poet-playwright who then became president of the new
Czech Republic: “Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well,
but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>How do we replace
hope of creating change with confidence that we’re doing the right work?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Though in frequent battles with politicians, leaders and
bureaucrats, they strive to keep their hearts open and not to succumb to anger
and aggression.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or perhaps you still rely on the hope that it’s possible to
save the world.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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If we choose to stay in our work and claim the role of
warrior, our aspiration changes in a dramatic way—we give up needing anyone
else to adopt our good work. We focus on where we are, who we’re with, what
we’re doing within our specific sphere of influence. We do our work with even
greater focus and determination: and we abandon dreams of influencing anybody
else. This is what I mean by giving up saving the world.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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As we accept what is, we become people who stand in contrast
to what is, freed from the aggression, grasping and confusion of this time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The world does not change “one person at a time.” I’d like
to abolish that phrase—now applied to just about every-thing—because it
misrepresents how change happens. To understand emergence, we need to shift our
attention from the one-at-a-time to the whole, to the varying dynamics and
influences that are clearly visible in individuals but that do not originate in
the individual.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I know of many people doing change work who are consciously
using emergence as their theory of change. They work from an “emergent design”
rather than a strategic plan, meaning they have a clear intent, take the first
actions, then see what’s needed next. Working this way requires a great deal of
awareness, constantly curious to see how the larger system is interacting with
our project, what other dynamics are in play, how people are reacting. If we’re
really good, we take in as much feedback as possible and use it to figure out
what to do next.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Epigeneticist Richard Frances describes genes not as
directors of the play of life but as part of an improvisational ensemble cast.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sherry Turkel, in her brilliant book Alone Together: Why We
Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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This loss of capacity to describe experiences in anything
over 140 characters or in descriptive language compounds a more serious
consequence of working and living with the Internet. We are rapidly losing the
ability to think long and hard about anything, even those issues or topics we
care about.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And as we surfed, clicked, and linked on the Net,
discovering things that interested us, we didn’t notice that we were losing
fundamental human capacities such as memory, meaning making, and thinking. We
were paying a terrible price for instant access to everything, but we were too
distracted to even notice. Information, the fundamental source of change, lost
its essential role. Distracted but not informed, with no patience or time to
think, the world now looms as increasingly chaotic. We lost our sense-making
capacity but didn’t notice that it was we who were no longer making sense. As
the world appeared more and more irrational, we lost interest in the future. It
was just too random.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before I map how we got into this cycle of escalating
bureaucracy that makes us impotent in the face of life’s uncertainty and
complexity, let’s relax for a moment and recall where we are in this universe
filled with complex systems that find order for free, that create rather than
destroy life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nature’s complex systems achieve order without control,
order that displays itself in patterns of great beauty. The intricate, infinite
patterns of fractals and the rhythmic beauty of strange attractors mesmerize
with their revelations of life’s deep harmony.54 These exquisite patterns are
self-organization made visible—diverse and plentiful parts interacted and
interpenetrated to create a well-ordered system.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The beautiful order of complexity arises from deep within
the system, from internal coherence, not external control.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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All systems create themselves from self-organization,
organizing around an identity. Behaviors, norms, cultures arise from this
process. Normally, we try to fix bad behaviors or dysfunctional patterns at the
surface level by reprogramming people’s behaviors or changing bosses (which
leads to a lot of wasted effort and money). To understand where behaviors come
from in a complex system, we need to discern the identity. What values gave
rise to these behaviors? What seem to have been the values and agreements
people used as they made decisions and determined a course of action? (Amanda’s
note: Cognitive Edge emergent values identity activity)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let’s start with the belief that bigger is better, or, more
accurately, “I’ll show you I’m better by building bigger.” Mergers and
consolidations continue to create organizations too large to be led. Size is an
expression of ego, not of effectiveness.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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You can’t keep doubling a recipe and expect the same cake.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And complex systems, no matter their size, can never be
managed well by imposed controls.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Instead, in an atmosphere of self-protection, anxiety, and
loss of control, most leaders grasp to control and stabilize anything within
their reach which is, of course, the organization. They clamp down on staff,
put more policies in place, push, punish, and threaten people, people they
never did trust. Because they don’t trust the people they lead, their decision
to rule through coercion is predictable. When you distrust people, you don’t
engage them in decision making, you don’t share information, you don’t give
them an inch (because they’ll take a mile). Instead, effective leadership is
defined as how well you enforce the rules.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After all these years, you would think leaders would have
learned that distrustful, compliance-enforcing behaviors only lead in one
direction—to demotivated, demoralized, disaffected, and disappearing workers
and colleagues. People’s motivation and commitment degenerate in direct
proportion to the amount of control and distrust in the environment. But this
learning hasn’t taken hold because other values are more important to most
leaders: the need to be in control and to maintain one’s power at all costs
over people who are inferior to you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We need to use whatever time we have to create stronger
relationships and community. This is our work as warriors.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I haven’t discovered any other means to develop insight
except through a daily practice of quieting the mind, tuning in with all
senses, being patient and open, just sitting, willing to watch thoughts come
and go.68 It needs to be a daily practice because the world is so crazy. We get
pulled in contradictory directions by multiple demands; we get pummeled by
fear-inducing reports; we move from task to task, gradually losing the capacity
to think straight; we end up tired, perhaps uneasy, dissatisfied, frustrated.
Perhaps too exhausted to even notice how we’re feeling. And this is a normal
day for many of us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finding time to be with yourself—to watch your thoughts come
and go for just ten minutes a day—develops the capacity to be aware of your
reactions as you are out in the world dealing with your day. As we learn to be
mindful, it is easier to be less reactive and more present; we don’t get
dragged off quite as fast by strong emotions. Watching our minds—whether in
silent meditation, in a meeting, in traffic, or any high-stress place—it
becomes possible to notice when we get “triggered” by a person or comment, when
we suddenly find ourselves shifted from okay to angry, from open-hearted to
hurt. And it becomes easier to notice how quickly we make up stories about
others, filling the void of our ignorance about them with judgments and
opinions.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The measure of success here is not that we stop getting
provoked, but that we notice when it happens sooner and get over it faster.
With a lot of practice, gradually the triggers fade away and it becomes easier
to be less reactive and a more helpful presence for others.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I expect these things to occur every day now, but without a
commitment to try to listen, pause, and not react instantly, I’d succumb to
anger and despair.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Brazilian theologian Rubem Alvez defined the source of
discipline: “We must live by the love of what we will never see.” Yet as I walk
this path, I do see things that inspire me to maintain discipline. I see not
only the pain and suffering, but the natural goodness, compassion and
intelligence of people. Even though we’re not going to save the world, we human
beings are worth struggling for. And in the midst of all the struggle, there
are still great pleasures to be found, especially moments of joy. There is joy
because we humans are meant to be together, we are together, we were never
separated. That was just a terrible optical delusion. In the worst times of
loss and grief, when everything has been swept away, we’re still here. We have
not lost our compassion or intelligence. We’re still together, just humans,
being.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But inside, we’ve changed radically. We now work from
different maps and expectations. We no longer think like most other people.
We’ve recognized how lost we are, that no matter how hard we try, this world
cannot be saved. We know that things will not calm down, that crises will not
diminish, that leaders will not behave rationally, that global problems will
not be resolved. We see clearly that there is no way out of the life-destroying
cycles set in motion many years ago.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is a practice I’ve found very helpful to keep me from
getting lost in the bushes. If I remember to do this when I wake up (not always
the case), I create a focus for the day: what behavior will I especially attend
to today? What behavior will I seek opportunities to practice this day?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Examples of questions
I’ve used:</b> ~ How present was I for people today? What pulled me away from
staying present? ~ How often did I get triggered today? Can I identify what
those triggers are? Were there any new ones I could notice? ~ How good a
listener was I today? Did I catch myself when I wasn’t listening well? Did I
refrain from interrupting or giving instant advice? ~ Where did I act
aggressively today: wanting to get my own way; thinking of how to get back at
someone; pushing through a crowd; swearing at a driver or news commentator? ~
How often did I act from true generosity, not wanting something in return? ~
Did I let fear get inside me today? How did I respond when I noticed the fear?
~ What behaviors would a stranger have observed in me today?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Earlier I called attention to how distracted we are, how our
communication habits have deteriorated into texts and by-appointment-only phone
calls. Here, I want to describe some truly radical behaviors for us warriors
focused on how we communicate, fully aware of how much courage it takes to do
these things. Here are a few radical acts: pick up the phone and call each
other for no reason; drop in on each other; make it a priority to visit with
one another in person.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A conversation in which at least one person is actively
working to be present and stay calm (that would be you) is most welcome these
days. We respond to any opportunity that makes us feel less alone. We humans
really miss each other.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those who didn’t survive, he emphasized, were the optimists,
those who believed they’d be out of prison by a certain date. As each date
passed and they were still imprisoned, they gave up and died, in his words,
“from broken hearts.” Stockdale understood why they died: “You must never
confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to
lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current
reality, whatever they might be.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a familiar phrase in Buddhist texts: “the place beyond hope
and fear,” a state of awareness that frees us from suffering.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And yet, there is something to what we call “hope” that I
would never abandon. I’ve looked for words to describe this and the closest
I’ve come is “the essence of being human.” I learned this from Václav Havel,
poet, playwright, leader of the Velvet Revolution and then first president of
the Czech Republic: “Hope is a dimension of the soul … an orientation of the
spirit, an orientation of the heart. It transcends the world that is
immediately experienced and is anchored somewhere beyond its horizons.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Havel also said: “Hope, in this deep and powerful sense,
is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in
enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to
work for something because it is good, not just because it stands a chance to
succeed.”75<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We embody values and practices that offer us meaningful
lives now. We let go of needing to impact the future. We refrain from adding to
the aggression, fear, and confusion of this time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We delight when our work achieves good results yet let go of
needing others to adopt our successes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-6098572906510093362012-12-16T13:36:00.004-08:002012-12-16T13:36:38.721-08:00The Change Handbook
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The Change Handbook: The Definitive Resource on Today's Best
Methods for Engaging Whole Systems by Peggy Holman<o:p></o:p></div>
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Some favourite excerpts…<o:p></o:p></div>
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High involvement means engaging the people in changing their
own system. It is systemic because there is a conscious choice to include the
people, functions, and ideas that can affect or be affected by the work.<o:p></o:p></div>
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That is, people were not involved in group settings where
they could collectively explore possibilities, surface and test assumptions,
and develop plans to address areas that they agreed would benefit all involved.<o:p></o:p></div>
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What’s needed for effective, sustainable change are sessions
in which people collectively explore each other’s assumptions, seek and expand
common ground, shape a desired future, and jointly take ownership of the
solutions to the issues at hand.<o:p></o:p></div>
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For sample budgeting templates, visit
www.thechangehandbook.com.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In reviewing the paths of inventors, developers, and leading
voices of established methods, I uncovered a subtle yet essential shared
journey called the Cycle of Mastery (see figure 1). These masters flow through
this cycle in three phases: Method, Blend, and Invention.<o:p></o:p></div>
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• Make a clear choice to engage. The primary aim for
involving people is NOT to reduce resistance and create buy-in. These are
by-products of a more compelling reason to engage people—wisdom. The people in
the system, when engaged, will ensure that the best decisions about the future
are made. As a result, people see themselves in the answers that emerge and
begin integrating them immediately. That is why breakthroughs from these
methods can far outstrip anything that comes from the top down.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We also contacted people one on one, asking how their
communities wanted to be engaged. Using that information, we structured focused
conversations to explore economic, physical and environmental, and social
issues.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Metalogue Conferences are also successfully used for
consulting to organizations, especially for strategic issues. For this purpose,
the conference structure was refined into four distinct phases: Phase 1:
Setting the tone—conversation in rotating groups Phase 2: Unfolding the
structure of the conversation—introducing dialogue principles and holding a
large group dialogue Phase 3: Thinking together about the issue—open space
workshops Phase 4: Bringing forth the future—a reflective dialogue and then
self-organized workshops for next steps The first phase is crucial to
enhance curiosity and openness. The dialogues foster community spirit and a
dialogical attitude in all conversations. The last phase ensures commonly
acceptable decisions and personal responsibility for implementation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When you see the following—hopefully items in all four
categories—it’s highly likely you have a sustainable change occurring. The four
categories of evidence are: • Direction • Energy • Distributed Leadership •
Appropriate Mobilization of Resources<o:p></o:p></div>
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If a dialogue and deliberation process does not transition
to action of some kind, participants may feel unsatisfied and frustrated.
Participants want to understand how their work makes an impact—or how they can
make an impact themselves. The process and purpose shape the form that actions
take.<o:p></o:p></div>
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These steps support participants in creating the collective
wisdom essential for sound, achievable decisions and policies, and the common
ground essential for effective, sustainable action.<o:p></o:p></div>
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OPENNESS TO AN UNKNOWN OUTCOME Setting an intention—improving
productivity in an organization, or improving relationships or policy in a
community—focuses the work, but defining specific outcomes hinders creative
possibilities and sets the process up for failure. Trust that the process
enables the participants to reach the best outcome for their organization or
community.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When there is a clear outcome in mind from a process,
advocating for a position may be more appropriate than engaging people in
dialogue and deliberation. Advocacy focuses on a particular goal, while
dialogue and deliberation cannot guarantee that participants will come to a
particular conclusion.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We organized ourselves according to the patterns of
OST—patterns fundamental to human relationship: • Meet in a circle; • Begin in
silence to listen for the creative spirit; • Establish a marketplace so
individuals can offer whatever they are guided to share—and the emergent field
can show up; • Honor and welcome the “stranger” (or the unexpected!); • Reflect
on our learning; • Practice dialogic conversation to hear and respect all
voices and ways of relationship.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When contemplating fundamental change, my first advice is,
“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” In short, make sure you really want to take
this trip before you start. With specific reference to Open Space, the advice
is—if you can find any way other than Open Space to do what you want to do, do
it. The reason is simple. With Open Space the good news and the bad news are
identical: It works. In Open Space, every group I have worked with becomes
excited, innovative, creative, and ready to assume responsibility for what they
care about. This all sounds wonderful, but at times for some people, it also
sounds like a prescription for going out of control—and they are right. If
maintaining control is your fundamental intent, for goodness sake, don’t even
think about Open Space. On the other hand, if you are prepared to believe in
the people, trust them, and acknowledge that in all probability they are the true
experts about what needs to be done, then Open Space will deliver—and you can
be sure that fundamental change is a likely consequence.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In October 2002, MVP used the Technology of Participation
(ToP)® methods to create a five-year strategic plan to address the question,
“What must the WHO/PATH partnership do as a team by 2007 to successfully
deliver on the mission of the Meningitis Vaccine Project?” To create the plan,
ten WHO and PATH staff members met for two lively days at MVP’s offices in
Ferney-Voltaire, France.<o:p></o:p></div>
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A few important guidelines or conditions that need to be
present for the success of any group considering the use of these methods are:
• The group has the authority or authorization to make substantive recommendations,
decisions, or plans at some level about the topics or arenas in question. • Key
stakeholders will be engaged in various ways in the planning or decision-making
process, including those whose subsequent support may be essential to its
success and those who are expected to implement conclusions or plans arrived at
by the group. • Participants in the process see the need for others’
contributions and are willing to make an effort to work together on the matter
at hand. • Leadership is prepared to commit the time and resources required to
deal responsibly with the topic—in helping to codesign the process to be used,
in sponsoring and enabling the event itself, and afterward in following through
with support for the outcomes of the event.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In the Consensus Workshop, all contributions are received
and treated with respect. Ideas are not evaluated, nor is the group asked if it
agrees or disagrees with any one of them. Instead, the question is where the
group sees relationships between different ideas. Once clusters or gestalts of
related data have been formed, the group discusses each cluster and determines
where it points to an arena of agreement on the issue under discussion.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In Whole-Scale events, the group remains whole because the microcosms
in the room develop a shared picture of the present, the future they yearn to
create, and actions to move forward. Once an event ends, the common picture
begins to fragment. People return to their “silos,” new information emerges,
people leave, and new ones arrive. Staying whole in thinking becomes the
organization’s challenge over time. Practical approaches to staying whole are:
publishing the results and commitments made, creating cross-functional teams to
carry out change initiatives, and setting dates to get back together so people
can learn from their experiences and decide on next steps. People need opportunities
to share their struggles, celebrate their successes, and regularly reconnect to
the common database.<o:p></o:p></div>
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ENGAGING AS MANY MICROCOSMS AS POSSIBLE Sustaining momentum
requires re-creating key elements of the large group meeting on a day-to-day
basis. As the organization moves forward, it must continue bringing together
groups representing the diverse functions, disciplines, levels, and options
existing in the organization. New microcosms have to be engaged, such as action
teams and implementation teams. Microcosms can convene in large group meetings,
checkpoints, deep dives (a series of focused, one-half to one-day meetings,
each tackling a specific topic), and reunions. As more people engage in more
microcosms, two things happen: (1) you move faster and (2) sustain and create
new change energy.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The clients’ purpose is their combined responses to, “When
you look into the future, what do you yearn to see?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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The Process Talking Object Round One: Holding the talking object,
each person says their name and speaks to the topic for a minute or two.
Talking Object Round Two: Deepening the reflection, each person speaks for a
minute or two. Open Dialogue: Placing the talking object in the middle, it is
unnecessary unless someone wants it to claim the next speaking opportunity.
Final Talking Object Round: Each person makes a final comment.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Two “Traditions” • No committees will be formed—No to-do
lists, collective action planned, or efforts to get everyone to agree on
anything. • No marketing—no causes, candidates, events, or services promoted to
other participants.<o:p></o:p></div>
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FUTURE SEARCH PRINCIPLES • Have the right people in the
room—that is, a cross-section of the whole, including those with authority,
resources, information expertise, and need; • Create conditions where
participants experience the whole “elephant” before acting on any part of it; •
Focus on the future and seek common ground; • Enable people to take
responsibility for their own learning and action plans.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Ultimately, the point of scenario thinking is not to write
stories of the future. Rather, it is to arrive at a deeper understanding of the
world in which your organization or community operates, and to use that
understanding to inform your strategy and improve your ability to make better
decisions today and in the future.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When the larger group of people get together for planning
purposes, several things happen that don’t necessarily happen when three people
get together: • Participants realize that there is more knowledge of the
business spread through the organization than assumed, and this diversity of
knowledge makes discussions about the future possibilities much richer •
Participants begin to understand each other’s assumptions and perspectives •
The capacity for strategic thinking is disseminated beyond just a handful of
people • People working together in the SC increases the coherence of the
organization into the future • There is energy for implementation of the action
plans because there is joint ownership of the plans that the participants
developed • This energy makes dissemination of the strategy content quicker and
easier<o:p></o:p></div>
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To achieve a strategic impact, this approach integrates AI,
Dialogue, and the whole systems approach with a framework that builds upon an
organization’s positive core to SOAR. By focusing on Strengths and
Opportunities, organizations can reach their Aspirations (desired outcomes)
with measurable Results by: 1. Inquiring into strength and opportunities; 2.
Imagining the best pathway to sustainable growth; 3. Innovating to create the
initiatives, strategies, structure, systems, and plans; and 4. Inspiring
action-oriented activities that achieve results (figure 2).<o:p></o:p></div>
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The teams were instructed to pretend that AVA had been
destroyed the night before and they were to design their ideal from scratch.
The idea is to get them to focus on what they want rather than getting caught
up in what already exists. During the first two hours, they generated a list of
bulleted statements or “specifications” about the ideal AVA. In the next hour,
they began creating a design that would bring about the specifications.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Idealized Design kicked off with an all-day session
involving 48 stakeholders, including students, faculty, staff, alumni, board
members, benefactors, and management. The participants were divided into four
teams of mixed stakeholders.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After lunch, the subteams presented their designs to each
other and then went back into their subteams to go into more detail and to
incorporate aspects of the other teams’ designs that they liked. The designs
were subsequently synthesized. In the following months, a core team added
additional detail and planned implementation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Idealized Design starts with initial kickoff sessions (see
figure 1) ranging from a half day to two days depending on the complexity of
what is being designed (simple product—half day; redesign of organization—two
days). Follow-up sessions, held over subsequent weeks or months, involve
creating a design that will bring about the desired properties or
“specifications.” The design is circulated to a wider audience for input on how
it can be improved. A completed design is then settled. Implementation planning
takes place in parallel.<o:p></o:p></div>
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(Values into action) Working in small groups, individuals
explore the focus issue through a few questions: • Why do they care about the
focus issue? • How do their most deeply held values and convictions motivate
them to take positive action? • What examples of positive efforts are already
being taken to bring about change for people affected by the issue?<o:p></o:p></div>
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• What commitments to action will individuals make to engage
members of their own community to make a difference on behalf of those impacted
by the issue?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Toward the start of the meeting, we ask several individuals
affected by the issue to share their stories with the entire gathering. These
presentations put a “human face” on the issue. In order to gain a more nuanced
understanding of the issue’s complexities and dynamics as the meeting proceeds,
academics/practitioners give brief presentations, followed by small group
conversations to further explore the issue. These presentations help
participants establish a rich assessment of the issue based on its history and
evolution over time. Graphic recorders work with pastels on eight-foot banners
to capture in images and words the ideas, associations, emotional rhythms, and
questions that arise during large group reporting. In addition, individuals
work with the recorder to capture their ideas in images. The resulting
multicolored graphics cross linguistic barriers and create a rich reminder of
both the ineffable and the expressible.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We developed this approach focusing on individual action,
rather than on gaining common ground for collective action, for several
reasons. First, those attending this meeting would not likely meet again. In
addition, many would not have easy access to travel or communication, making
joint projects unlikely. Finally, in our organizational development practices,
we have observed how, after attending a large group meeting, individuals will
engage others in their local community or organizational department in
collective action. The seeds for such individual action are planted during the
meeting, but they don’t often become part of the collective discourse during
the meeting. Sometimes, these individual projects become the foundation for
systemic change.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Asking unconditionally positive questions at such times can
overcome fear, uncertainty, and doubt—questions like these World Café classics:
What question, if answered, would serve us all well in this situation? What
could our community, our organization also be?<o:p></o:p></div>
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“What does it mean to
do journalism that matters?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Time and Diversity / What Emerges<o:p></o:p></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Less than one day, limited diversity / ideas and
relationships (new connections)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">At least two days / special projects (temporary
structures and leaders)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Long events (3 – 7 days) / glimpses of emergent
leadership and structures (temporary experiences of fluid form, fluent
leadership)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Multiple experiences / self-managed teams and
committees (new structures, fluent leadership)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Ongoing pattern / emergent organization/community
and governance (fluid form, fluent leadership)</span></li>
</ul>
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When we come together to play and be, we are truly
ourselves. When we are truly ourselves, it is wonderful and when we act
collectively in that wonder we do transformative work for our community and our
world. —Brad Colby<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Here are some questions to consider with regard to identity:
• What is our intention? Who are we? • What space do we claim? How do we want
to be recognized? • What do we want to call ourselves? What label do we choose?
• What is the case that we can make for the value we add; a case that calls
people to learn and practice the methods? • Are we effectively communicating
our work and our field to various audiences around the world? • What is the
connection between the value of our field and the public good? • How can we
craft an image that helps the world to find us and get our support? • How can
we make our work more accessible to more of the world? • What else might you
add?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Consider the following questions: • What have we learned
thus far . . . what do we know? • What are we yearning to know more about? •
What does the world need right now and what can we innovate to better serve
those needs? What can be anticipated? • What is emerging as our methods take
communities and organizations to new heights? • What happens next when an
organization or community embraces the methods, embodies its fundamentals, and
develops an advanced sophistication? • How can we share our learning so that we
can accelerate the development of robust approaches? • How might we blend our
in-person practices with online technologies? • What else might you add?<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-7853479027552939862012-12-15T22:40:00.004-08:002012-12-15T22:40:40.577-08:00The Fire Starter Sessions
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The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful + Practical Guide to
Creating Success on Your Own Terms by Danielle Laporte<o:p></o:p></div>
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Some of my favourite excerpts…<o:p></o:p></div>
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Passion is the wind in your sails, and practicality is the
rudder. You need both to get where you’re going.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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My great friend Marie Forleo, founder of the Rich Happy
& Hot LIVE events, has her own kind of enthusiasm policy for how she
chooses her projects: if it isn’t a “Hell yes!,” then it’s a no. Enthusiasm is
the genuine Yes! that will uncork your genius, signal your muses to come down,
and magnetize the resources you need to be within your reach. Enthusiasm is the
beautiful beginning that changes everything.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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If I have to choose between two service providers with
similar skill and equal pricing, I’ll always go with the one who freely
expresses his or her excitement. I did a gig with someone who said, “Oh, my
God, I’m so excited to work with you! I’m going to hang up the phone and do the
happy dance.” She was so uncool about it all. No pretense—just joy and bright
faith in how much fun we could have. So then I said, “Me, too! Now I’m really
stoked. I’ll do the happy dance when I hang up, too. Let’s do this!” My best
strategic meetings have been the most uncool. Whether they’re construction contractors,
publishers, or florists, they’re unself-conscious and eager. They’re stoked to
be there and they say so.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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What three actions will you take this week to condition and
nourish your true strengths? 7. What three actions will you take this week to
decrease your time spent on the activities that drag you down and don’t feed
your true strengths?<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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First, get clear on how you want to feel. Then, do stuff
that makes you feel that way.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If you have goal lists or vision boards, write your desired
feelings on them—front and center. Stick a note of your key feelings into your
daily planner. I have a sticky note inside my Moleskine planner that says
CONNECTED. AFFLUENT. DIVINELY FEMININE. INNOVATIVE. And that teeny note, those
few words, are the rudder of my ship. David Allen, the king of prioritization
and time management, gives the most refreshing answer to the question “How do
you set priorities?” “I have a radical point of view: Learn to listen to, and
trust, your heart. Or your intuition, or your gut, or the seat of your pants,
or whatever part of your anatomy is the source of that mysteriously wonderful
‘still, small voice’ that somehow knows you better than you do, and knows
what’s better for you, better than you do.” Letting your feelings be your time
management guide? Radical indeed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It doesn’t matter if you’re a VP or a hospice volunteer, a
trust fund baby or a perpetual student, you need to have a genuine cocktail
line, an elevator pitch, a clear one-liner about what you do in the world.
Note: genuine. Not the chips of truth that put the “small” in small talk. Why
do you need a genuine cocktail line? You could be riding the elevator with your
next future customer, lover, funder, best friend, or a primetime TV producer.
When serendipitous promotion and soul sparks fly, it’s good to be on your mark.
But mostly, it’s a practice in presence. How you introduce yourself could be a
sacred distillation of your reality, talent, and deepest interest. Yep—all that
in just a sentence or two. Clearly, this is no trivial exercise.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Eventually, we all get around to wondering what someone does
for a living. The problem with introducing a conversation with this question is
that the answer can shut down a more meaningful exchange. We’re prone to put
people in categories according to their jobs: winner, loser, somewhat
intriguing, or totally unrelatable. There’s a quick, sure fix for this dilemma.
The question: “How does it feel to…?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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If you can assess how yesterday’s agony affected you, then
you not only defuse its potential grip on you, but you also place it where you
want it to be in your psyche. By observing it, you transform it. The
willingness to interpret and integrate the lessons of hardship is a key
characteristic to forward-facing people. They get it. And they move on.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve had times in my career where after I left a venture, I
could hardly bear to think about profit margins and new connections. I just
wanted to write sutras and make soup. Burnout is the ideal time to take a dream
hiatus and take stock. Move slowly in the shifting terrain of ambition and
idealism. It will be tempting to make plans for what’s next, but resist and be
still. Go into Savasana. At the end of most yoga classes there is time for
Savasana, or the corpse pose. You just lie flat on your back, breathe, and
integrate. The purpose is that all the work you just did is metabolizing. It’s
taking effect. We need more Savasana in our lives to integrate what we’re learning.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If you “follow your bliss…you will begin to meet people who
are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you,” said Joseph
Campbell, explaining his theory of the “invisible hands” that help you through
life. While you’re still tripping on the Milky Way of potential, call in your
invisible elders, angels, or faith leaders. Imagine hanging out with the wisdom
keepers or titans of your industry—your idols. Now assume that you are their
contemporary—that you’ve earned your place alongside them. Ask for their
grittiest stories and advice, just as you would a new best friend. Jam with
them. Observe. Tell them your ideas, give them your pitch, sing them your song.
Pay close attention to how they respond. What do they tell you?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Think of something you’re afraid of. Got it in your head?
Now ask yourself “Why am I afraid of…?” Answer it. Ask again. Because why?
Answer again—you can give the same answer or a different one, but eventually
you’ll need to get unstuck and discover another reply for yourself. Keep
repeating the Because why? question and keep answering it. It’s amazing what
the basic repetition can dig up as you drill down closer to the source of your
fear.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Consensus can create mediocrity. When you and your
partner(s) decide that you have to agree on everything, it can stymie decision
making, slow you down, foster risk aversion, and weaken your strategizing. When
you have to agree, you tend to avoid things that might cause disagreements. Not
good. When, however, you agree that one person has the final say in a
particular area, here’s what happens, ideally: The person with the final call
is extra-thoughtful, weighs the options, does their homework—and trust is
nurtured. Teamwork isn’t about harmony at all times; it’s about covering all
the bases so you can win the bigger game by letting each person exercise their
true individual strengths—and carrying the success and the failure together. So
figure out who’s in charge of what—the marketing, the money, the staff, the
front end, the back end, the brand. Allow for creative tension, and give
everyone enough space to leap, to lose, and to take their charge to a whole new
level.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Tonglen is Tibetan for “sending and taking,” and it’s a
Buddhist meditation technique for overcoming fear and suffering. Tonglen is one
of the most empowering, life affirming, and truly creative practices I’ve
experienced. It’s best summed up as this: Breathe in for all of us and breathe
out for all of us. Breathe in suffering—yours, others, the world’s. Breathe out
compassion—for yourself, for others, for the world. The tonglen practice is a
method for connecting with suffering—ours and that which is all around
us—everywhere we go, and dissolving the tightness of our heart. As Pema Chödrön
describes it, “Primarily it is a method for awakening the compassion that is
inherent in all of us, no matter how cruel or cold we might seem to be.…
However, we often cannot do this practice because we come face-to-face with our
own fear, our own resistance, anger, or whatever our personal pain, our
personal stuckness happens to be at that moment.” Tonglen suggests a radical
approach to our habitual ways of resisting pain and all things negative: Absorb
it and therefore transform it. The approach is sometimes referred to as “using
what seems like poison as medicine.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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HOW TO TONGLEN 1. Get yourself into a calm and centered
meditative state of mind. (I’ve done tonglen on a meditation cushion and on the
crosstown bus; for an hour and for three minutes. There’s no need to get formal
about it if your intention is clear.) 2. Focus on the suffering of a specific
person or on your own personal pain. Breathe in the pain. Let it be vivid. Let
it be heavy or smothering or whatever it needs to be. Some teachers
suggest imagining black light streaming into your heart, or calling on the
power of enlightened beings to help open your heart to compassion. 3. Breathe
out relief to that person or yourself—whatever you feel would be the healing
counter to the suffering. Send out any feelings that encourage openness and
ease. This is where some teachers suggest envisioning white light extending out
of your heart. Who (or what) do you know that’s hurting? A child. A friend in
her first round of chemotherapy. Your racist neighbor who doesn’t even know
he’s suffering. Victims of rape and human trafficking. One of many impoverished
nations. Starving polar bears. Our oceans and rivers. Breathe in the wish to
take away all their pain and fear. Then, as you breathe out, send them
happiness, ease, care, or whatever you feel would relieve their pain. You can
start with your own fear and tough stuff, or that of those around you. Breathe
in the worst thing that ever happened to you. That sunk feeling. That thing you
wish you could take back. Recapitulate it in breaths: the blackness, the
sickness, the fibrous seething rage, the sticky-scratchy, inconsolable weight
of it. Take in the unbearableness. You may want to escape. Press on. Go beyond
the grip. Inhale the pain in to your every cell. You won’t die. You’re going to
expand. Keep breathing. You’re on the verge of a miracle. Now breathe out joy.
Soothing golden warmth. Luminous flying birds of clarity. Electric rays of
smiling karate chops. Feel your lungs as powerful creative engines of healing
and righteousness. Pulsate rapture. Let happiness emerge from the fractures.
Let scar tissue become bridges that lead to a festival of relief and dancing.
See joy. Feel joy. Hear joy. Sing joy. Breathe love into every cell of the
situation. Now do it for other people’s suffering. Please. For that homeless
man on the street, in winter. Cold and demoralized. Inhale his agony. Exhale
comfort and transformation. The jobless folks with families to feed. Cancer
patients fighting to live. People gone mad. Soldiers who kill and the families
they destroy. Take in the wreckage. Turn it into light and give back compassion
and tenderness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“It was like jumping off a cliff. It was an amazing
feeling,” Frank says. “I was so happy from then on.” Even after his big-yes
moment, there were failures for Frank. He was supposedly cash-strapped more
than once. He bid on projects that he never got. He had to can staff. He
seriously questioned his own judgment. But he never did another building that
he didn’t absolutely love creating. The moment you say yes to acting on your
desire is the real beginning. It’s not when you give your notice or when your
novel is off the press. Do you want a career that amazes even you? Then say
yes. Do you want a love life brimming with adoration and the sweet stuff? Then
say yes. If you start to tell me why it’s not possible, or how bad you want it
but you don’t know how to get it—then you don’t want it bad enough. Maybe isn’t
going to cut it. Maybe clogs up the dream machine. But before you can say yes
to the good stuff…you probably need to learn to say no to all that other stuff.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The silver bullet? Call it for what it is: crazy making. “I
let them know that I gave it my all, and that the decision racked me, but that
I just couldn’t be of service to them anymore. I returned a month’s worth of
pay, gave them all of their files, and offered to bring their next contractor
up to speed. I took a deep breath when I pressed send, and then I did the
karate chop of victory.” Once Chris paid his fee at the Crazy Town tollbooth,
something wonderful happened, as it typically tends to when we choose sanity: A
dream client showed up the following week with deep pockets and a penchant for
decisiveness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Talk show host Charlie Rose asked folk rocker Neil Young
about following his own muse. “So if you get an idea at, say, a dinner party,
if you hear a tune or a lyric, do you excuse yourself from the party?” Charlie
inquired. “Of course. You never know when she’ll [the muse] come again. I’m
responsible to her.” Sometimes, Neil would hide out in a bathroom to scratch
out a song that was coming to him and return to his dinner guests after he felt
he’d captured it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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That question climbed into me and set up camp. I meditated
on it for two years. I printed it out in forty-point type and pasted it onto my
notebooks. Before I planned any project, I went and sat with this question.
Could I trust that my art would support my life? The only way to find out was
to…trust, to operate from that place of luminous, fierce wishing within myself.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If you knew that your art would support your life how would
you live?<o:p></o:p></div>
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I have never met someone who is living a bold and successful
life—and by successful I mean prosperous, kind, and in touch with the
meaningfulness of what he’s doing—who has apologized for being perfectionistic,
mercurial, unrelenting, or whatever his slightly controversial hallmark
characteristics are. You will always be too much of something for someone: too
big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your
edge.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Dear Friend, I’m taking a leap. Reaching out. Trolling for
insights, reflections, and objectivity…from you so that I can see myself more
clearly. 1. What do you think is my greatest strength? 2. How would you
describe my style of living? 3. What do you think I should let go of? 4. When
do you feel that I am at my best? 5. What do you wish I were less of, for my
sake? 6. When have you seen me really shine? 7. What do you think I could give
myself more credit for or celebrate more?<o:p></o:p></div>
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(Home day perfection) In everyday life, where would you be,
what would you be doing, who would you be with, what would you be eating, how
would you be earning, helping, creating, living, loving in a span of twelve
hours? Walk through everything that would go into the waking hours of blissdom
for you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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(Away day perfection) In an extravagant or time-bending day,
where would you be, what would you be doing, whom would you be with, what would
you be eating, how would you be earning, helping, creating, living, loving in a
span of twelve hours?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Sometimes we take on to-dos and commit to climb mountains
because our soul is called to. Sometimes life throttles us with unforeseen and
unrelenting demands, such as growing families and aging parents and fledgling
businesses. Busy can be great. Busy can suck. But most often, busy is a choice.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I don’t buy the “busier than our predecessors / age of
technology / workaholic culture” argument. Yes, we appear to be more
compulsive, less nuclear, and able to survive on less sleep than everyone in
Little House on the Prairie, but their lives were just as packed, planting
potatoes and raising barns, surviving from sunup to sundown. Before microwaves
and disposable diapers and Internet access, our grannies worked to keep it all
humming. We fill up our lives. That’s what humans do. The question is what are
you filling it with? Are you out-of-control busy, or are you full with life?
Full is beautiful. Frantic is a buzz kill.<o:p></o:p></div>
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(I highly recommend
Tim Ferriss’s “dreamlining” exercise in The 4-Hour Workweek book. It’s posted
on his website for free. He offers a formula that’s just the right combination
of visionary and nitty-gritty and, in his words, “reverses the repression” of
being on the hamster wheel of earning and spending. Go get it.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Get clear on your desired life. Then you’ll be clear on your
purpose for money. Then you can match your purpose with your actions. This is
the heart of lifestyle design.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>I’d advise Kelly to
create a free “salon meets coaching” in-person event on a hot topic that
relates to her expertise. Invite a small group of women, say, friends of
friends. Meet in someone’s gorgeous living room, a yoga studio, or a great
workspace after hours. Perhaps the hot topic is stress and sex. Kelly leads a
conversation by asking key questions of the group, and she works her own
teaching, fact-finding how-tos, and insights into the experience. Women are
taking notes. They’re getting inspired and seeing Kelly as a wisdom maven. Now
she has five women who will potentially go out and talk up her wisdom and
either become clients themselves or refer other people. She also has data—more
information and real-life stories about women, stress, and sex that she can
write about on her blog or in her new book, or talk about on the local breakfast
television show.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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We both agreed that conceivably, I could cost the project
out at close to $200,000. But what I felt comfortable with—solid, aligned, very
pleased—was $120,000. Cushy. Juuust right. I could ratchet up if and when I
took on another similar project. I felt honorable, I felt blessed, and I felt like
my goal was within reach. And I didn’t feel ridiculous pressure to excel and
compete. I won that contract and it was one of the most hassle-free,
time-efficient projects I ever worked on. My profit per hour was outstanding.
When your money shoes fit, you’re more agile…and sensational.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I tend to think of money in the same way I regard time: It’s
a form of energy. It comes and goes according to my intentions. The clearer my
intentions, the more the money flows. Before I decide if I’m going to spend my
coin on something, I weigh out the potential for results and pleasure.<o:p></o:p></div>
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At any given time you could be juggling a “soul job” and a
“ho job.” Soul jobs are a full-meal deal: stimulation, inspiration, and cash,
all in one. Ho jobs are low on the spiritual fulfillment but can go a long way
in financing your art. If you need to suck it up and take a gig to pay the
rent, just do it and spare yourself the “artistic integrity and compromise”
judgment. Paying the rent is a good thing. Being hounded by credit card
collectors is a bad thing. When you suck it up for your own greater good and
keep your personal vision front and center, you’ll have the stamina to do what
needs to be done on all fronts—and depending on how soon you want to stand your
dream up, “what needs to be done” is a lot. The “Soul + Ho” combo is a
double-time gig. And the return can be truly great.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should
all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. —Albert
Schweitzer<o:p></o:p></div>
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Aim for passion, not balance. Balance is a myth. Passion
will put your life into the right proportions that work as a whole.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Ask yourself what you’re going to have to give up in order
to pull it off. It’s a total downer of a question, and superheroes hate this
part of strategy. Innovation by nature is disruptive, not accommodating.
Something will have to give so the greatness has room to emerge. Give stuff up
so it doesn’t take you down.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Striving for balance will derail your plans for greatness.
Do you think that Leonardo da Vinci or Amelia Earhart or Richard Branson set
out thinking, “I want to live a balanced life”? No. Their aim was on audacity,
full expression, and all the boundaries that they were compelled to break.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The antidote to exhaustion isn’t rest. It’s
wholeheartedness. —David Whyte, poet<o:p></o:p></div>
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Think of the totality of your life as a symphony. Great
music has dimension and layers that compose the overall harmony. It’s not about
making sure each instrument is played at the same volume all at once—that would
be droning. There is a time for the strings to carry it all, and for the drums
to take it in a new direction, and for the trumpets to punctuate. There is a
time when your relationships matter more than your job. There will be months
when your career sets the pace of your entire life. There will be passages when
your focus is inward and you retreat from the surface of your life to tend to
your body and soul. Balance doesn’t exist, but proportion and harmony do.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Your work. Your relationships. Your inner life. In his book
of the same name, David Whyte calls these “the three marriages.” “Each of the
three marriages is nonnegotiable. They cannot be ‘balanced’ against one
another—a little taken from this and a little given to that—except at their
very peripheries. To ‘balance’ work with relationship and with the self means
we only work harder in each marriage, while actually weakening each of them by
separating them from one another.” These fundamental components of our
existence must work to support one another, not to vie for unfaltering
attention.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s not the imbalances of life that will get you down—it’s
doing meaningless things that aren’t taking you where you want to go. The more
you pursue what you’re passionate about at any given time, the less friction
and more fluidity you’ll have in your life. And that’s the definition of
harmony.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Full-on living includes fantastic productivity and immense
stillness, self-centeredness and self-sacrifice, time to flare and space to
fizzle. Up close, or by the standards of those who prefer the safety of
balance, it may look off-kilter, but when you step back, you might see a
masterpiece called Your Life, Lived. Priceless.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-37061186267809502502012-12-15T22:29:00.001-08:002022-09-29T01:14:34.587-07:00What Got You Here, Won't Get You There
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What Got You Here, Won't Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith
and Mark Reiter<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some favourite excerpts…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
More often than not, they are simple behavioral tics—bad
habits that we repeat dozens of times a day in the workplace—which can be cured
by (a) pointing them out, (b) showing the havoc they cause among the people
surrounding us, and (c) demonstrating that with a slight behavioral tweak we can
achieve a much more appealing effect.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First, I solicit “360-degree feedback” from their
colleagues—as many as I can talk to up, down, and sideways in the chain of
command, often including family members—for a comprehensive assessment of their
strengths and weaknesses. Then I confront them with what everybody really
thinks about them. Assuming that they accept this information, agree that they
have room to improve, and commit to changing that behavior, then I show them
how to do it. I help them apologize to everyone affected by their flawed
behavior (because it’s the only way to erase the negative baggage associated
with our prior actions) and ask the same people for help in getting better. I
help them advertise their efforts to get better because you have to tell people
that you’re trying to change; they won’t notice it on their own. Then I help
them follow up religiously every month or so with their colleagues because it’s
the only honest way to find out how you’re doing and it also reminds people
that you’re still trying. As an integral part of this follow-up process, I
teach people to listen without prejudice to what their colleagues, family
members, and friends are saying—that is, listen without interrupting or
arguing. I also show them that the only proper response to whatever they hear
is gratitude. That is, I teach them how to say “Thank you” without ruining the
gesture or embellishing it. I am a huge apostle for thanking. Finally, I teach
them the miracle of feedforward, which is my “special sauce” methodology for
eliciting advice from people on what they can do to get better in the future.
It’s often humbling for these overachievers, but after 12 to 18 months they get
better—not only in their own minds but, more important, in the opinions of<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the “do-nothings” are asked, “Why didn’t you implement
the behavioral change that you said you would?” by far the most common response
is, “I meant to, but I just didn’t have time to get to it.” In other words,
they were overcommitted. It’s not that they didn’t want to change, or didn’t
agree with the value of changing. They just ran out of hours in the day. They
thought that they would “get to it later”—and “later” never arrived.
Overcommitment can be as serious an obstacle to change as believing that you
don’t need fixing or that your flaws are part of the reason you’re successful.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have now made peace with the fact that I cannot make people
change. I can only help them get better at what they choose to change.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Almost everyone I meet is successful because of doing a lot
of things right, and almost everyone I meet is successful in spite of some
behavior that defies common sense. One of my greatest challenges is helping
leaders see the difference, see that they are confusing “because of” and “in
spite of” behaviors, and avoid this “superstition trap.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What we’re dealing with here are challenges in interpersonal
behavior, often leadership behavior. They are the egregious everyday annoyances
that make your workplace substantially more noxious than it needs to be. They
don’t happen in a vacuum. They are transactional flaws performed by one person
against others. They are: 1. Winning too much: The need to win at all costs and
in all situations—when it matters, when it doesn’t, and when it’s totally
beside the point. 2. Adding too much value: The overwhelming desire to add our
two cents to every discussion. 3. Passing judgment: The need to rate others and
impose our standards on them. 4. Making destructive comments: The needless
sarcasms and cutting remarks that we think make us sound sharp and witty. 5.
Starting with “No,” “But,” or “However”: The overuse of these negative
qualifiers which secretly say to everyone, “I’m right. You’re wrong.” 6.
Telling the world how smart we are: The need to show people we’re smarter than
they think we are. 7. Speaking when angry: Using emotional volatility as a
management tool. 8. Negativity, or “Let me explain why that won’t work”: The
need to share our negative thoughts even when we weren’t asked. 9. Withholding
information: The refusal to share information in order to maintain an advantage
over others. 10. Failing to give proper recognition: The inability to praise
and reward. 11. Claiming credit that we don’t deserve: The most annoying way to
overestimate our contribution to any success. 12. Making excuses: The need to
reposition our annoying behavior as a permanent fixture so people excuse us for
it. 13. Clinging to the past: The need to deflect blame away from ourselves and
onto events and people from our past; a subset of blaming everyone else. 14.
Playing favorites: Failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly. 15.
Refusing to express regret: The inability to take responsibility for our
actions, admit we’re wrong, or recognize how our actions affect others. 16. Not
listening: The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues. 17.
Failing to express gratitude: The most basic form of bad manners. 18. Punishing
the messenger: The misguided need to attack the innocent who are usually only
trying to help us. 19. Passing the buck: The need to blame everyone but
ourselves. 20. An excessive need to be “me”: Exalting our faults as virtues
simply because they’re who we are.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Try this: For one week treat every idea that comes your way
from another person with complete neutrality. Think of yourself as a human
Switzerland. Don’t take sides. Don’t express an opinion. Don’t judge the
comment. If you find yourself constitutionally incapable of just saying “Thank
you,” make it an innocuous, “Thanks, I hadn’t considered that.” Or, “Thanks.
You’ve given me something to think about.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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My specific challenge (and I’m not proud of this) was not
that I made nasty comments to people directly. I would do it when they weren’t
in the room. This was a problem for me as a manager. In an environment where
everyone’s preaching the value of teamwork and reaching out in the organization,
what happens to the quality of teamwork and cooperation when we stab our
coworkers in the back in front of other people? It does not go up. And I wanted
the business to succeed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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So, how do you tone down the need to tell the world how
smart you are? The first step is recognizing our behavior. Have you ever done
this? Your assistant dashes into your office with a document that needs your
immediate attention. What your assistant doesn’t know is that you’ve already
been alerted to the situation a few minutes earlier by another colleague. What
do you do? Do you accept the document and thank your assistant, omitting the
fact that you already are up to speed on the matter? Or do you find some way to
make your assistant aware that you are privy to the information? In my
experience, this seemingly insignificant moment is a litmus test for our
excessive need to tell people how smart we are. If you can let the moment pass
with a simple “Thank you,” you’re doing fine. If you’re like most people,
though, you won’t let it go so easily. You’ll find a way to communicate that
you are a step ahead of your assistant.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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What I’d prefer to focus on are all the unintentional or
accidental ways we withhold information. We do this when we’re too busy to get
back to someone with valuable information. We do this when we forget to include
someone in our discussions or meetings. We do this when we delegate a task to
our subordinates but don’t take the time to show them exactly how we want the
task done.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Likewise the next time you hear one of your coworkers try to
worm their way out of accepting responsibility by saying, “I’m just no good at
. . . ,” ask them, “Why not?” If we can stop excusing ourselves, we can get
better at almost anything we choose.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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But enough about what’s wrong with feedback. I’m not trying
to prove that negative feedback creates dysfunction. Feedback is very useful
for telling us “where we are.” Without feedback, I couldn’t work with my clients.
I wouldn’t know what everyone thinks my client needs to change. Likewise,
without feedback, we wouldn’t have results. We couldn’t keep score. We wouldn’t
know if we were getting better or worse. Just as salespeople need feedback on
what’s selling and leaders need feedback on how they are perceived by their
subordinates, we all need feedback to see where we are, where we need to go,
and to measure our progress.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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When I work with a coaching client, I always get
confidential feedback from many of my client’s coworkers at the beginning of
the process. The fewest I have ever interviewed is eight and the most is
thirty-one. My average is about fifteen. The number of interviewees depends
upon the company’s size and the executive’s job. Before I begin these
interviews, I involve my client in determining who should be interviewed. Each
interview lasts about an hour and focuses on the basics: What is my client
doing right, what does my client need to change, and how my (already
successful) client can get even better!<o:p></o:p></div>
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As part of my interview process, I enlist each of my
client’s coworkers to help me out. I want them to assist, not sabotage the
change process. I let the coworker know how my process works by saying, “I’m
going to be working with my client for the next year or so. I don’t get paid if
he doesn’t get better. ‘Better’ is not defined by me. It’s not defined by my
client. ‘Better’ is defined by you and the other coworkers who will be involved
in this process.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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I then present these coworkers with four requests. I call
them The Four Commitments. I need them to commit to: 1. Let go of the past. 2.
Tell the truth. 3. Be supportive and helpful—not cynical or negative. 4. Pick
something to improve yourself—so everyone is focused more on “improving” than
“judging.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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First commitment: Can they let go of the past? Whatever real
or imagined sins you have committed against people in the past, they are long
past correction. You can’t do anything to erase them. So, you need to ask
people to let go of the past. This is simple, but it is not easy. Most of us
have never forgiven our mothers and fathers for not being the perfect parents.
We cannot forgive our children for not being the ideal kids. We don’t forgive
our spouse for not being the perfect partner. Quite often, we can’t forgive
ourselves for not being the perfect us. But you have to get this first
commitment. Without it, you can’t shift people’s minds away from critic toward
helper. As a friend wisely noted, “Forgiveness means letting go of the hope for
a better past!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Second commitment: Will they swear to tell the truth? You
don’t want to work your butt off for a year, trying to get better based on what
people have told you that you were doing wrong—and then find out that they
didn’t really mean it. That they were jiving you, that they were only saying
what they thought you wanted to hear. That’s a waste of time. I’m not naive. I
know people can be dishonest. But if you solicit—no, demand—honesty from
people, you can proceed with the confidence that you’re going in the right
direction—and that you won’t get a rude surprise at the end.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Third commitment: Will they be supportive, without being a
cynic, critic, or judge? This is asking a lot of people, especially if they are
in a subordinate position to you. People are just as likely to suspect or
resent their superiors at work as respect and admire them. So you have to
remove any and all of their judgmental impulses from the equation. Do that and
people are much more inclined to be helpful. At some point, they realize that if
you get better, they have won something too. They get a kinder, gentler, better
boss.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Fourth commitment: Will they pick one thing they can improve
in themselves? This is the subtlest commitment, but it only sounds like you’re
asking a lot from your colleagues. What you’re actually doing is creating
parity, even a bond, between you and the other person. Imagine if you walked
into work one day and announced that you were going on a diet. Most people
would respond to that announcement with a massive yawn. But what if you
announced your plans and also asked a colleague to help you—for example, to
help you monitor your eating habits and stay on track? Since most people like
to help their friends, you’d probably get a much more involved and sincere
response to your objective. Finally, what if you add the compelling reciprocal
twist of saying, “Now, what would you like to change in yourself? I’d like to
return the favor and help you”? If you do that, you won’t have any problem
enlisting support. Suddenly, both you and the other person have become equals:
fellow humans engaged in the same struggle to improve.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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The client not only changed for the better because he was
getting support from his coworkers, but the coworkers changed too because of
what they learned by supporting him. This is a rich and subtle dynamic, proving
that change is not a one-way street. It involves two parties: the person who’s
changing and the people who notice it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Stop doing that. Treat every piece of advice as a gift or a
compliment and simply say, “Thank you.” No one expects you to act on every
piece of advice. If you learn to listen—and act on the advice that makes
sense—the people around you may be thrilled.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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In soliciting feedback for yourself, the only question that
works—the only one!—must be phrased like this: “How can I do better?” Semantic
variations are permitted, such as, “What can I do to be a better partner at
home?” or, “What can I do to be a better colleague at work?” or, “What can I do
to be a better leader of this group?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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I sometimes have clients conduct the following exercise.
When they’re in a team and starting to get bored, I ask them to pretend they’re
watching a movie with the sound off. They can’t hear what anyone is saying. It’s
an exercise in sensitizing themselves to their colleagues’ behavior. They must
ask themselves what’s going on around them. One of the first things they see is
no different than what they hear with the sound on: People are promoting
themselves. Only with this newfound sensitization, they see how people
physically maneuver and gesture to gain primacy in a group setting. They lean
forward toward the dominant authority figure. They turn away from people with
diminished power. They cut rivals off with hand and arm gestures. It’s no
different than what people are doing with the sound on except that it’s even
more obvious with the sound off.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The action plan for leaders (and followers): If you want to
really know how your behavior is coming across with your colleagues and
clients, stop looking in the mirror and admiring yourself. Let your colleagues
hold the mirror and tell you what they see. If you don’t believe them, go home.
Pose the same question to your loved ones and friends—the people in your life
who are most likely to be agenda-free and who truly want you to succeed. We all
claim to want the truth. This is a guaranteed delivery system.<o:p></o:p></div>
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These five examples of observed feedback are stealth
techniques to make you pay closer attention to the world around you. When you
make a list of people’s comments about you and rank them as negative or positive,
you’re tuning in the world with two new weapons: Judgment and purpose. When you
turn off the sound, you’re increasing your sensitivity to others by
counterintuitively eliminating the precious sense of hearing. When you try the
sentence completion technique, you’re using retrograde analysis—that is, seeing
the end result and then identifiying the skill you’ll need to achieve it. When
you challenge the accuracy of your self-aggrandizing remarks, you’re flipping
your world upside down—and seeing that you’re no different from anyone else.
Finally, when you check out how your behavior is working at home, you realize
not only what you need to change but why it matters so much. The logic behind
these drills is simple: If you can see your world in a new way, perhaps you can
see yourself anew as well.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If it isn’t obvious by now, I regard apologizing as the most
magical, healing, restorative gesture human beings can make. It is the
centerpiece of my work with executives who want to get better—because without
the apology there is no recognition that mistakes have been made, there is no
announcement to the world of the intention to change, and most important there
is no emotional contract between you and the people you care about.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Once you’re prepared to apologize, here’s the instruction
manual: You say, “I’m sorry.” You add, “I’ll try to do better in the future.”
Not absolutely necessary, but prudent in my view because when you let go of the
past, it’s nice to hint at a brighter future. And then . . . you say nothing.
Don’t explain it. Don’t complicate it. Don’t qualify it. You only risk saying
something that will dilute it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I tell my clients, “It’s a lot harder to change people’s
perception of your behavior than it is to change your behavior. In fact, I
calculate that you have to get 100% better in order to get 10% credit for it
from your coworkers.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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You failed to appreciate that every successful project goes
through seven phases: The first is assessing the situation; the second is
isolating the problem; the third is formulating. But there are three more
phases before you get to the seventh, implementation. Unfortunately, a lot of
people don’t pay close attention to phases four, five, and six—the vital period
when you approach your coworkers to secure the all-important political buy-in
to your plans. In each phase you must target a different constituency. In phase
4, you woo up—to get your superiors to approve. In phase 5, you woo laterally—to
get your peers to agree. In phase 6, you woo down—to get your direct reports to
accept. These three phases are the sine qua non of getting things done. You
cannot skip or skim over them. You have to give them as much, if not more,
attention, as you do phases one, two, three, and seven. If you don’t, you may
as well be working alone in a locked room where no one sees you, hears you, or
knows you exist. That’s the guaranteed result of committing “one, two, three,
seven.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Basically, there are three things that all good listeners
do: They think before they speak; they listen with respect; and they’re always
gauging their response by asking themselves, “Is it worth it?” Let’s examine
each one and see if it makes us better listeners.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The implications of “Is it worth it?” are profound—and go
beyond listening. In effect, you are taking the age-old question of
self-interest, “What’s in it for me?” one step further to ask, “What’s in it
for him?” That’s a profound consequential leap of thought. Suddenly, you’re
seeing the bigger picture.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Ninety percent of this skill is listening, of course. And
listening requires a modicum of discipline—the discipline to concentrate. So
I’ve developed a simple exercise to test my clients’ listening skills. It’s
simple—as simple as asking people to touch their toes to establish how limber
they are. I ask them to close their eyes and count slowly to fifty with one
simple goal: They cannot let another thought intrude into their mind. They must
concentrate on maintaining the count. What could be simpler than that? Try it.
Incredibly, more than half my clients can’t do it. Somewhere around twenty or
thirty, nagging thoughts invade their brain. They think about a problem at
work, or their kids, or how much they ate for dinner the night before. This may
sound like a concentration test, but it’s really a listening exercise. After
all, if you can’t listen to yourself (someone you presumably like and respect)
as you count to fifty, how will you ever be able to listen to another person?<o:p></o:p></div>
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That’s what this fifty-count exercise achieves. It exposes
how easily distracted we can be when we’re not talking. But it also helps us
develop our concentration muscles—our ability to maintain focus. Do this
exercise regularly and you’ll soon be counting to 50 without interrupting
yourself. This newfound power of concentration will make you a better listener.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Put this book down and make your next interpersonal
encounter—whether it’s with your spouse or a colleague or a stranger—an
exercise in making the other person feel like a million bucks. Try to employ
the tiny tactics we’ve outlined here. • Listen. • Don’t
interrupt. • Don’t finish the other person’s sentences.
• Don’t say “I knew that.” • Don’t even agree with the
other person (even if he praises you, just say, “Thank you”).
• Don’t use the words “no,” “but,” and “however.” • Don’t
be distracted. Don’t let your eyes or attention wander elsewhere while the
other person is talking. • Maintain your end of the dialogue by
asking intelligent questions that (a) show you’re paying attention, (b) move
the conversation forward, and (c) require the other person to talk (while you
listen). • Eliminate any striving to impress the other person with
how smart or funny you are. Your only aim is to let the other person feel that
he or she is accomplishing that.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If you can do that, you’ll uncover a glaring paradox: The
more you subsume your desire to shine, the more you will shine in the other
person’s eyes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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No matter how far along you are in life, think about your
career. Who are the people most responsible for your success? Write down the
first 25 names that come to mind. Ask yourself, “Have I ever told them how
grateful I am for their help?” If you’re like the rest of us, you probably have
fallen short in this area. Before you do anything else (including moving on to
the next chapter of this book) write each of these people a thank you note.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The process is a lot like physical exercise. Imagine having
out-of-shape people sit in a room and listen to a speech on the importance of
exercising, then watch some tapes on how to exercise, and perhaps then spend a
few minutes simulating the act of exercising. Would you be surprised if all the
people in the room were still unfit a year later? The source of physical
fitness is not understanding the theory of working out. It is engaging in
regular exercise. Well, that pretty much sums up the value of executive
development without follow-up. Nobody ever changed for the better by going to a
training session. They got better by doing what they learned in the program.
And that “doing,” by definition, involves follow-up.<o:p></o:p></div>
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For example, you say, I want to be a better listener. Would
you suggest two ideas that I can implement in the future that will help me
become a better listener? The other person suggests, First, focus all your
attention on the other person. Get in a physical position, the “listening
position,” such as sitting on the edge of your seat or leaning forward toward
the individual. Second, don’t interrupt, no matter how much you disagree with
what you’re hearing. These two ideas represent feedforward. 4. Listen
attentively to the suggestions. Take notes if you like. Your only ground rule:
You are not allowed to judge, rate, or critique the suggestions in any way. You
can’t even say something positive, such as, “That’s a good idea.” The only
response you’re permitted is, Thank you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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David’s problem wasn’t that he ignored what people told him.
As CFO, he knew the results better than anyone. David’s problem was that he
wasn’t very good at “spinning” the media. That’s not a behavioral problem. It’s
a skill problem. David needed a coach all right—a media coach. But he didn’t
need me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or, “No matter how terrific your idea and how thoroughly
you’ve thought it out, I’m going to add my two cents to it in order to improve
it. Your first impulse will be to listen to me and act on my suggestion. Please
don’t. Just nod your head and pretend you’re listening. If you’re as smart as I
thought you were when I hired you, you’ll ignore me and do it your way.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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I asked the executive to imagine the feedback I would have
gotten from all his departed assistants. What would they say good and bad about
him? Then I asked him to write it down as if it were a memo to his next
prospective assistant titled “How to Handle Me.” Here’s what he wrote: I’m good
with people and even better with ideas. If clients have a problem, it’s my job
to come up with a creative solution. I’m bad at everything else. I hate
paperwork. I find it hard to perform the usual courtesies that clients expect
of a personal services business. I don’t follow up with thank you notes. I
don’t remember birthdays. I dread picking up the phone, because it’s always
someone with a problem, never someone calling to say that a huge check is on
its way to me or that I’ve won the lottery. You need to know this about me. I
have a pretty good idea how the business is doing, but I don’t like budgets and
expense reports and projections. People think I’m an unmade bed as a manager,
and they’re right. I’m not bragging or being self-deprecating. It’s the truth.
On the personal side, I’m a decent, polite human being. I’ll never yell at you.
When things are going well and we’ve pulled off a few miracles in a row, I
begin to think I’m one of the funniest, most charming people on earth. You may
find my humor caustic at these times. Please don’t take it personally. Better
yet, tell me I’m out of line. I have a relaxed laissez-faire personality, and
the more hectic things get, the calmer I get. That’s my peculiar reflex to
pressure. Don’t misinterpret this cool demeanor to mean that I don’t care. I
care a lot. I only expect one thing of you: I want you to do as much of my job
as you can handle. The less I have to do the better. Do that and we will
succeed magnificently together.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Making the staff less dependent on her, I said, was a good
thing. But they still needed leadership. They still needed to be re-directed. I
had her arrange discussions with each of her direct reports—to discuss two
things: One, I wanted her to ask each of them, “Let’s look at your
responsibilities. Are there areas where you think I need to be more involved
and less involved?” She was making them define the areas where they could
legitimately ask for face time with her—and areas where it was not legitimate.
In effect, she was delegating more responsibility to them, but in a generous
and empowering way. She was allowing them to determine how much responsibility
they could take. Two, I wanted her to say, “Now let’s look at my job. Do you
ever see me doing things that a person at my level shouldn’t be doing, such as
getting involved in details that are too minor to worry about?” She was forcing
them to come up with ideas for how she could become more disengaged. In effect,
she was letting them help her get home by 6:30. What better gift can a leader
present to his or her troops? And vice versa.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I conducted a research project for Accenture involving more
than 200 high-potential leaders from 120 companies around the world. Each
company could nominate only two future leaders, the very brightest of its young
stars. These are the kinds of people who could jump at a moment’s notice to
better-paying positions elsewhere. We asked each of these young stars a simple
question: “If you stay in this company, why are you going to stay?” The three
top answers were: 1. “I am finding meaning and happiness now. The work is
exciting and I love what I am doing.” 2. “I like the people. They are my
friends. This feels like a team. It feels like a family. I could make more
money working with other people, but I don’t want to leave the people here.” 3.
“I can follow my dreams. This organization is giving me a chance to do what I
really want to do in life.” The answers were never about money. They were
always about happiness, relationships, following dreams, and meaning. When my
friend asked people on their deathbeds what was important to them, they gave
exactly the same answers as the high-potential leaders I interviewed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This leadership inventory was developed as part of a
research project (sponsored by Accenture) involving 200 specially selected
high-potential leaders from 120 companies around the world. Respondents are
asked to rate leaders on a five-point scale, ranging from Highly Satisfied to
Highly Dissatisfied. Global Leadership Inventory Consider your own (or this
person’s) effectiveness in the following areas. How satisfied are you with the
way he or she (or you) . . . Thinking Globally 1. Recognizes the impact of
globalization on our business 2. Demonstrates the adaptability required to
succeed in the global environment 3. Strives to gain the variety of experiences
needed to conduct global business 4. Makes decisions that incorporate global
considerations 5. Helps others understand the impact of globalization
Appreciating Diversity 6. Embraces the value of diversity in people (including
culture, race, sex, or age) 7. Effectively motivates people from different
cultures or backgrounds 8. Recognizes the value of diverse views and opinions
9. Helps others appreciate the value of diversity 10. Actively expands her/his
knowledge of other cultures (through interactions, language study, travel,
etc.) Developing Technological Savvy 11. Strives to acquire the technological
knowledge needed to succeed in tomorrow’s world 12. Successfully recruits
people with needed technological expertise 13. Effectively manages the issue of
technology to increase productivity Building Partnerships 14. Treats coworkers
as partners, not competitors 15. Unites his/her organization into an effective
team 16. Builds effective partnerships across the company 17. Discourages
destructive comments about other people or groups 18. Builds effective
alliances with other organizations 19. Creates a network of relationships that
help to get things done Sharing Leadership 20. Willingly shares leadership with
business partners 21. Defers to others when they have more expertise 22.
Strives to arrive at an outcome with others (as opposed to for others) 23.
Creates an environment where people focus on the larger good (avoids
sub-optimization or “turfism”) Creating a Shared Vision 24. Creates and
communicates a clear vision for our organization 25. Effectively involves
people in decision-making 26. Inspires people to commit to achieving the vision
27. Develops an effective strategy to achieve the vision 28. Clearly identifies
priorities Developing People 29. Consistently treats people with dignity 30.
Asks people what they need to do their work better 31. Ensures that people
receive the training they need to succeed 32. Provides effective coaching 33.
Provides developmental feedback in a timely manner 34. Provides effective
recognition for others’ achievements Empowering People 35. Builds people’s
confidence 36. Takes risks in letting others make decisions 37. Gives people
the freedom they need to do their job well 38. Trusts people enough to let go
(avoids micromanagement) Achieving Personal Mastery 39. Deeply understands
her/his own strengths and weaknesses 40. Invests in ongoing personal
development 41. Involves people who do not have strengths that he/she does not
possess 42. Demonstrates effective emotional responses in a variety of
situations 43. Demonstrates self-confidence as a leader Encouraging
Constructive Dialogue 44. Asks people what he/she can do to improve 45.
Genuinely listens to others 46. Accepts constructive feedback in a positive
manner (avoids defensiveness) 47. Strives to understand the other person’s
frame of reference 48. Encourages people to challenge the status quo
Demonstrates Integrity 49. Demonstrates honest, ethical behavior in all
interactions 50. Ensures that the highest standards for ethical behavior are
practiced throughout the organization 51. Avoids political or self-serving
behavior 52. Courageously “stands up” for what she/he believes in 53. Is a role
model for living our organization’s values (leads by example) Leading Change
54. Sees change as an opportunity, not a problem 55. Challenges the system when
change is needed 56. Thrives in ambiguous situations (demonstrates flexibility
when needed) 57. Encourages creativity and innovation in others 58. Effectively
translates creative ideas into business results Anticipating Opportunities 59.
Invests in learning about future trends 60. Effectively anticipates future
opportunities 61. Inspires people to focus on future opportunities (not just
present objectives) 62. Develops ideas to meet the needs of the new environment
Ensuring Customer Satisfaction 63. Inspires people to achieve high levels of
customer satisfaction 64. Views business processes from the ultimate customer
perspective (has an “end to end” perspective) 65. Regularly solicits input from
customers 66. Consistently delivers on commitments to customers 67. Understands
the competitive options available to her/his customers Maintaining a
Competitive Advantage 68. Communicates a positive, “can do” sense of urgency
toward getting the job done 69. Holds people accountable for their results 70.
Successfully eliminates waste and unneeded cost 71. Provides products/services
that help our company have a clear competitive advantage 72. Achieves results
that lead to long-term shareholder value Written Comments What are your
strengths? Or if you are evaluating someone, what does this person do that you
particularly appreciate? (Please list two or three specific items.) What
specifically might you do to be more effective? Or if evaluating someone, what
suggestions would you have for this person on how she or he could become even
more effective? (Please list two or three specific items).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*I outlined the complete methodology, statistical results,
the companies involved, and my conclusions in “Leadership Is a Contact Sport:
The Follow-Up Factor in Management Development,” written with Howard Morgan, in
Strategy and Business, Fall 2004.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-54503505429235484362012-12-15T22:23:00.001-08:002012-12-15T22:23:41.333-08:00The Pilgrimage
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The Pilgrimage by Paulo Coelho<o:p></o:p></div>
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Some favourite excerpts…<o:p></o:p></div>
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He returned my gaze coldly, called to my wife, and gave her
the sword, speaking a few words that I could not hear. Turning to me, he said, “Take
away your hand; it had deceived you. The road of the Tradition is not for the
chosen few. It is everyone’s road. And the power that you think you have is
worthless, because it is a power that is shared by all. You should have refused
the sword. If you had done so, it would have been given to you, because you
would have shown that your heart was pure. But just as I feared, at the supreme
moment you stumbled and fell. Because of your avidity, you will now have to
seek again for your sword. And because of your pride, you will have to seek it
among simple people. Because of your fascination with miracles, you will have
to struggle to recapture what was about to be given to you so generously.” The
world seemed to fall away from me. I knelt there unable to think about
anything. Once I had returned my old sword to the earth, I could not retrieve
it. And since the new one had not been given to me, I now had to begin my quest
for it all over again, powerless and defenseless. On the day of my Celestial
Ordination, my Master’s violence had brought me back to earth.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“That’s right, but that doesn’t change anything. The fact is
that you rejected the vision. Felicia of Aquitaine must have seen something
similar, and she bet her entire life on what she saw. And the result of her
having done that transformed her work into a work of love. The same thing
probably happened to her brother. And the same thing happens to everyone every
day: we always know which is the best road to follow, but we follow only the
road that we have become accustomed to.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Once, a poet said
that no man is an island. In order to fight the good fight, we need help. We
need friends, and when the friends aren’t nearby, we have to turn solitude into
our main weapon. We need the help of everything around us in order to take the
necessary steps toward our goal. Everything has to be a personal manifestation
of our will to win the good fight. If we don’t understand that, then we don’t
recognize that we need everything and everybody, and we become arrogant warriors.
And our arrogance will defeat us in the end, because we will be so sure of
ourselves that we won’t see the pitfalls there on the field of battle.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“So the only way to
deal with our messenger is to accept him as a friend—by listening to his advice
and asking for his help when necessary, but never allowing him to dictate the
rules of the game. Like you did with the boy. To keep the messenger from
dictating the rules of the game, it is necessary first that you know what you
want and then that you know his face and his name.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Over and above the
physical forces that surround us and help us, there are basically two spiritual
forces on our side: an angel and a devil. The angel always protects us and is a
divine gift—you do not have to invoke him. Your angel’s face is always visible
when you look at the world with eyes that are receptive. He is this river, the
workers in the field, and that blue sky.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“If I had to use a metaphor, I would say that your angel is
your armor, and your messenger is your sword. Armor protects you under any set
of circumstances, but a sword can fall to the ground in the midst of a battle,
or it can kill a friend, or be turned against its owner.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“TALKING WITH YOUR
MESSENGER DOESN’T MEAN ASKING questions about the world of the spirits,” Petrus
said the next day. “The messenger performs only one function for you: he helps
you with regard to the material world. And he will give you this help only if
you know exactly what it is that you want.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“The only thing
missing is your learning how to combine the RAM practices with your own
intuition. The language of your heart is what is going to determine the best
way to find and use your sword. If you can’t bring the two together, the
exercises and the RAM practices will become simply a part of the useless wisdom
of the Tradition.” (Amanda’s note –
reminds me about ‘the art not just the technician’)<o:p></o:p></div>
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The Arousal of Intuition (The Water Exercise) Make a puddle
of water on a smooth, nonabsorbent surface. Look into the puddle for a while.
Then, begin to play with it, without any particular commitment or objective.
make designs that mean absolutely nothing. Do this exercise for a week,
allowing at least ten minutes each time. Don’t look for practical results from
this exercise; it is simply calling up your intuition, little by little. When
this intuition begins to manifest itself at other times of the day, always
trust in it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Well, you should.
Because what happened with him is an example of mistaken behavior. We are
always trying to convert people to a belief in our own explanation of the
universe. We think that the more people there are who believe as we do, the
more certain it will be that what we believe is the truth. But it doesn’t work
that way at all.<o:p></o:p></div>
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A great sense of calm came over me, and I felt a kind of
presence alongside me. I looked over and saw the face of my death. This was not
the death that I had experienced a few minutes before, the death I had created
with my fears and my imagination; it was my true death, my friend and
counselor, who was never again going to allow me to act like such a coward.
Starting then, he was going to be of more help to me than Petrus’s guiding hand
and advice. He was not going to allow me to put off until tomorrow what I
should be enjoying today. He was not going to let me flee from life’s battles,
and he was going to help me fight the good fight. Never again, ever, was I
going to feel ridiculous about doing anything. Because he was there, saying
that when he took me in hand to travel with me to other worlds, I should leave
behind the greatest sin of all: regret.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“One more thing,” he said, before going in under the falls.
“This waterfall will teach you how to be a Master. I am going to make the
climb, but there will be a veil of water between you and me. I will climb
without your being able to see where I place my hands and feet. “In the same
way, a disciple such as you can never imitate his guide’s steps. You have your
own way of living your life, of dealing with problems, and of winning. Teaching
is only demonstrating that it is possible. Learning is making it possible for
yourself.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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The Ram Breathing Exercise Expel all of the air from your
lungs, emptying them as much as you can. Then, inhale slowly as you raise your
arms as high as possible. As you inhale, concentrate on allowing love, peace,
and harmony with the universe to enter into your body. Hold the air you have
taken in and keep your arms raised for as long as you can, enjoying the harmony
between your inner sensations and the outer world. When you reach your limit,
exhale all of the air rapidly, as you say the word, “RAM.” Repeat this process
for five minutes each time you do the exercise.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Petrus told me that I knew how to invoke agape by means of
the Blue Sphere Exercise. But in order for agape to flourish, I must not be
afraid to change my life. If I liked what I was doing, very well. But if I did
not, there was always the time for a change. If I allowed change to occur, I
would be transforming myself into a fertile field and allowing the Creative
Imagination to sow its seeds in me. “Everything I have taught you, including
agape, makes sense only if you are satisfied with yourself. If you are not,
then the exercises you have learned are inevitably going to make you seek
change. And if you do not want all of those exercises to work against you, you
have to allow change to happen. “This is the most difficult moment in a
person’s life—when the person witnesses the good fight and is unable to change
and join the battle. When this happens, knowledge turns against the person who
holds it.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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The Shadows Exercise Relax completely. For five minutes,
study the shadows of all of the objects and people around you. Try to identify
exactly which part of the object or person is casting a shadow. For the next
five minutes, continue to do this, but at the same time, focus on the problem
you are trying to solve. Look for all of the possible wrong solutions to the
problem. Finally, spend five more minutes studying the shadows and thinking
about what correct solutions remain. Eliminate them, one by one, until only the
single correct solution is left.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“You are too
preoccupied with your power,” he said. “The waterfall, the RAM practices, the
dialogues with your messenger—they all made you forget that there was your
enemy to vanquish. And forget that you had an impending encounter with him.
Before your hand can wield the sword, you have to discover where your enemy is
and how to deal with him. The sword only strikes a blow, but the hand is
already victorious or defeated before the blow is delivered. “You defeated
Legion without your sword. There is a secret in this search, and it is a secret
you have not yet learned. If you do not do so, you will never find what you are
looking for.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“We are not smart
enough to be able to listen to the silence! We are just human beings, and we
don’t even know how to listen to our own ramblings. You have never asked me how
I knew that Legion was about to arrive. Now I will tell you how: by listening.
The sound began many days before, when we were still in Astorga. Starting then,
I began to move along more quickly, because all the indications were that we
were going to meet up with him in Foncebadon. You heard the same sound as I,
but you were not listening. “Everything is contained in sounds—the past, the
present, and the future. The person who does not know how to listen will never
hear the advice that life offers us all the time. And only the person who
listens to the sounds of the moment is able to make the right decisions.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“If you succeed in
finding your sword, you will have to teach the Road to someone else. And only
when that happens—when you accept your role as a Master—will you learn all the
answers you have in your heart. Each of us knows the answers, even before
someone tells us what they are. Life teaches us lessons every minute, and the
secret is to accept that only in our daily lives can we show ourselves to be as
wise as Solomon and as powerful as Alexander the Great. But we become aware of
this only when we are forced to teach others and to participate in adventures
as extravagant as this one has been.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Petrus had always insisted that the expectation of reward
was absolutely necessary to the achievement of victory. Yet every time that I
forgot about the rest of the world and began to think only about my sword, he
forced me, through his painful lessons, to return to reality. This was a
sequence that had occurred repeatedly during our time together on the Road.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I had never thought in these terms. Throughout our time on
the Strange Road to Santiago, the only thing I had wanted to know was where it
was hidden. I had never asked myself why I wanted to find it or what I needed
it for. All of my efforts had been bent on reward; I had not understood that
when we want something, we have to have a clear purpose in mind for the thing
that we want. The only reason for seeking a reward is to know what to do with
that reward. And this was the secret of my sword.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-42649052830730084102012-09-15T15:22:00.001-07:002012-09-15T15:22:50.969-07:00Book of NegroesBook of Negroes<br />
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My mother-in-law had lent me this book ages ago and I finally read it. Cover to cover in one day. What a story! Sold as "Someone Knows My Name" in the US, New Zealand and Australia.<br />
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<span style="background-color: #fcf9f2; color: #040406; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;">Let me begin with a caveat to any and all who find these pages. Do not trust large bodies of water, and do not cross them. If you, Dear Reader, have an African hue and find yourself led toward water with vanishing shores, seize your freedom by any means necessary. And cultivate distrust of the colour pink. Pink is taken as the colour of innocence, the colour of childhood, but as it spills across the water in the light of the dying sun, do not fall into its pretty path. There, right underneath, lies a bottomless graveyard of children, mothers and men. I shudder to imagine all the Africans rocking in the deep. Every time I have sailed the seas, I have had the sense of gliding over the unburied. Some people call the sunset a creation of extraordinary beauty, and proof of God's existence. But what benevolent force would bewitch the human spirit by choosing pink to light the path of a slave vessel?</span></blockquote>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-32222375528960333252012-08-20T23:21:00.004-07:002012-08-20T23:21:46.537-07:00The Alchemist<br />
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho<br />
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Some of my favourite excerpts...<br />
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“It’s a book that says the same thing almost all the other books in the world say,” continued the old man. “It describes people’s inability to choose their own Personal Legends. And it ends up saying that everyone believes the world’s greatest lie.” “What’s the world’s greatest lie?” the boy asked, completely surprised. “It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.”<br />
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“Don’t forget that everything you deal with is only one thing and nothing else. And don’t forget the language of omens. And, above all, don’t forget to follow your Personal Legend through to its conclusion.<br />
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“Because I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. You’ll see that there is life in the desert, that there are stars in the heavens, and that tribesmen fight because they are part of the human race. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living right now.”<br />
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The boy continued to listen to his heart as they crossed the desert. He came to understand its dodges and tricks, and to accept it as it was. He lost his fear, and forgot about his need to go back to the oasis, because, one afternoon, his heart told him that it was happy. “Even though I complain sometimes,” it said, “it’s because I’m the heart of a person, and people’s hearts are that way. People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.”<br />
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“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”<br />
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“Is that the one thing I still needed to know?” “No,” the alchemist answered. “What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which most people give up. It’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one ‘dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.’ “Every search begins with beginner’s luck. And every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested.” The boy remembered an old proverb from his country. It said that the darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn.<br />
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“This is why alchemy exists,” the boy said. “So that everyone will search for his treasure, find it, and then want to be better than he was in his former life. Lead will play its role until the world has no further need for lead; and then lead will have to turn itself into gold.<br />
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It’s true; life really is generous to those who pursue their Personal Legend, the boy thought.<br />
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-72667509257510893402012-07-22T23:35:00.003-07:002012-07-22T23:35:44.888-07:00BossypantsAnother holiday read - Bossypants by Tina Fey. Some laugh out loud parts for sure. No excerpts flagged. Here is how Amazon describes it:<br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Before Liz Lemon, before "Weekend Update," before "Sarah Palin," Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: a recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV.</span><br style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;" /><br style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;" /><span style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">She has seen both these dreams come true.</span><br style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;" /><br style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;" /><span style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on </span><em style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Saturday Night Live</em><span style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">; from her passionately halfhearted pursuit of physical beauty to her life as a mother eating things off the floor; from her one-sided college romance to her nearly fatal honeymoon -- from the beginning of this paragraph to this final sentence.</span><br style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;" /><br style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;" /><span style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've all suspected: you're no one until someone calls you bossy.</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-46537403873296907192012-07-22T23:33:00.000-07:002012-07-22T23:36:57.466-07:00Unbearable LightnessI read Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain by Portia de Rossi while on holidays this summer. I was surprised that I didn't have any excerpts flagged as I really enjoyed the book.<br />
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Here is how Amazon describes it:<br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Now in paperback, the <i>New York Times</i> bestselling memoir from Portia de Rossi explores the truth of her long battle to overcome anorexia and bulimia—“an unusually fresh and engrossing memoir of both Hollywood and modern womanhood” ( <i>Los Angeles Times</i>, 5 stars).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">In this groundbreaking memoir, Portia de Rossi reveals the pain and illness that haunted her for decades, from the time she was a twelve-year-old girl working as a model in Australia, through her early rise to fame as a cast member of the hit television show <i>Ally McBeal</i> . All the while terrified that the truth of her sexuality would be exposed in the tabloids, Portia alternately starved herself and binged, putting her life in danger and concealing from herself and everyone around her the seriousness of her illness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">She describes the elaborate rituals around food that came to dominate hours of every day and explores the pivotal moments of her childhood that set her on the road to illness. She reveals the heartache and fear that accompany a life lived in the closet, a sense of isolation that was only magnified by her unrelenting desire to be ever thinner, ever more in control of her body and the number of calories she consumed and spent.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">From her lowest point, Portia began the painful climb back to a life of health and honesty, falling in love and marrying Ellen DeGeneres and emerging as an outspoken and articulate advocate for gay rights and women’s health issues. In this remarkable and landmark book, she has given the world a story that inspires hope and nourishes the spirit.</span><br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-22027535281432153512012-07-22T23:27:00.002-07:002012-07-22T23:27:51.841-07:00Life<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Life by Keith Richards<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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A few favourite excerpts…<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Levitation is probably the closest analogy to what I
feel—whether it’s “Jumpin’ Jack” or “Satisfaction” or “All Down the Line”—when
I realize I’ve hit the right tempo and the band’s behind me. It’s like taking
off in a Learjet. I have no sense that my feet are touching the ground. I’m
elevated to this other space. People say, “Why don’t you give it up?” I can’t
retire until I croak. I don’t think they quite understand what I get out of
this. I’m not doing it just for the money or for you. I’m doing it for me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The five-string took me back to the tribesmen of West
Africa. They had a very similar instrument, sort of a five-string, kind of like
a banjo, but they would use the same drone, a thing to set up other voices and
drums over the top. Always underneath it was this underlying one note that went
through it. And you listen to some of that meticulous Mozart stuff and Vivaldi
and you realize that they knew that too. They knew when to leave one note just
hanging up there where it illegally belongs and let it dangle in the wind and
turn a dead body into a living beauty. Gus used to point it out to me: just
listen to that one note hanging there. All the other stuff that’s going on
underneath is crap, but that one note makes it sublime.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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There’s something primordial in the way we react to pulses
without even knowing it. We exist on a rhythm of seventy-two beats a minute.
The train, apart from getting them from the Delta to Detroit, became very
important to blues players because of the rhythm of the machine, the rhythm of
the tracks, and then when you cross onto another track, the beat moves. It
echoes something in the human body. So then when you have machinery involved,
like trains, and drones, all of that is still built in as music inside us. The
human body will feel rhythms even when there’s not one. Listen to “Mystery
Train” by Elvis Presley. One of the great rock-and-roll tracks of all time, not
a drum on it. It’s just a suggestion, because the body will provide the rhythm.
Rhythm really only has to be suggested. Doesn’t have to be pronounced. This is
where they got it wrong with “this rock” and “that rock.” It’s got nothing to
do with rock. It’s to do with roll.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Of the musicians I know personally (although Otis Redding,
who I didn’t know, fits this too), the two who had an attitude towards music
that was the same as mine were Gram Parsons and John Lennon. And that was:
whatever bag the business wants to put you in is immaterial; that’s just a
selling point, a tool that makes it easier. You’re going to get chowed into
this pocket or that pocket because it makes it easier for them to make charts
up and figure out who’s selling. But Gram and John were really pure musicians.
All they liked was music, and then they got thrown into the game.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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You can get into a bubble if you just work with the Stones.
Even with the Winos it can happen. I find it very important to work outside of
those areas. It was inspiring to work with Norah Jones, with Jack White, with
Toots Hibbert—he and I have done two or three versions of “Pressure Drop”
together. If you don’t play with other people, you can get trapped in your own
cage. And then, if you’re sitting still on the perch, you might get blown away.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-788242626031326052012-07-22T23:26:00.002-07:002012-07-24T11:08:16.421-07:00An Oral Biography of Perry Farrell and Jane's Addiction<br />
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An Oral Biography of Perry Farrell and Jane's Addiction by Brendan Mullen</div>
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<br /></div>
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A few excerpts...</div>
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<br /></div>
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JANE BAINTER: I lived there about a year and I ended up kicked out of the house, voted out because it was run by community and we had these house meetings . . . like that weird reality TV thing. It was three to four, with Perry on my side. Perry was very open and fair, but they were including Chris and some others from downstairs that voted me out. What sucked was the people that they let in after were much worse junkies than I ever was. KARYN CANTOR: Perry was really upset because he didn’t want her to leave. She and Perry were really close friends and he was the only one defending her. Jane was their scapegoat. It was like “As soon as we get rid of this Jane problem all our problems are gone. It’s Jane’s problem, it’s all because of Jane’s addiction. . . .” Perry said, “We all have one, you know, we all have an addiction, but we all sort of say, well it’s her problem or it’s his problem, but it’s really all of us, we’ve all got one.”</div>
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==========</div>
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<br /></div>
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CARLA BOZULICH: He was going through this furious change, like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. It was that dramatic. He told me, “I’m changing my name!” And I was like OK, yeah. And he said I’m changing it to Perry Farrell. And I was like, huh? And he goes, get it—Peri Pheral, Perry Farrell—get it?</div>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-72557434406626385742012-07-22T23:24:00.001-07:002012-07-22T23:24:52.977-07:00The Best Advice I Ever Got: Lessons from Extraordinary Lives<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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The Best Advice I Ever Got: Lessons from Extraordinary Lives
by Katie Couric<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My favourite excerpts…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I now realize that everyone struggles, and that my mom was
right: Very few of us get through this life unscathed. Scratch beneath a
stranger’s surface and you’re likely to uncover professional setbacks, broken
hearts, unspeakable loss, unfulfilled dreams, or worse. Everyone seems to keep
going but, God knows, navigating through it all isn’t easy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last year, when I was giving the commencement address at
Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, I decided to try something new.
What else could I tell these young, bright students who were about to take
flight into the world, eager to make their mark? Because I’ve had the privilege
of meeting and interviewing so many remarkable people through the years, I
decided to ask a few of them to share their personal insights. What have you
learned? What lessons from your own lives might be useful and instructive? I
reached out to about thirty people, and after a few weeks many of them reached
back to me with their responses.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Scholarship America’s programs have had a huge financial
impact on the lives of students across the country, but as I’ve learned, it’s
about more than just dollars and cents. It’s also about giving students
confidence, inspiration, and some supportive words to carry with them: “I
believe in you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Scholarship America’s programs have had a huge financial
impact on the lives of students across the country, but as I’ve learned, it’s
about more than just dollars and cents. It’s also about giving students
confidence, inspiration, and some supportive words to carry with them: “I
believe in you.” That’s what a scholarship really says.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The more fake and commercialized the world gets, the more
people respond to things that have a real core of truth. I believe that every
human being is hardwired to recognize that. Whatever you choose to do with your
life—whether it’s running a company or cooking dinner—stand for something you
know is true. If there’s a recipe for success, it’s staying real and true.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is my favorite biblical direction: Be not afraid. It’s
truly the secret of life. Fear is what stunts our growth, narrows our
ambitions, kills our dreams. – Anna Quindlen<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Reverend Beckwith gave me the task of envisioning the bone
healing faster than was humanly possible. Of playing over and over in my mind
the doctor saying to me, “It’s a miracle!” And so I did. Every day I participated
in the healing of that bone. I felt those negative thoughts coming through and
told them to shove it! I kept my eye focused on the task at hand. I did not
have the luxury of negative thought; of listening to the lies we so often tell
ourselves; of being talked out of success by my fears. And within two weeks a
doctor did say to me, “Wow, I have never seen a bone heal this quickly.” –
Christina Applegate<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I used to love Michael Jordan’s “Failure” commercial for
Nike. You might recall it: I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve
lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the
game-winning shot … and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over
again in my life. And that is why I succeed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The latest piece of advice that I’m living by is this: When
making a very important business decision, I ask myself, “Would you still do it
if you’d never see a dime from it?” I know that may sound crazy—who in the
business world doesn’t base part of their decisions on the prospective riches
that some action might bring in the future (preferably the near future)? But I
find that if the answer to the Question is yes, you will be following the path
of your most authentic self. It’s one of the easiest ways to figure out if that
small voice in your head persuading you is your true instinct or that “other
thing,” which doesn’t necessarily have the best motives. – Alicia Keys<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can’t figure out what you want to do from the sidelines.
You need to jump into the pond and splash around to see what the water feels
like. You might like that pond or it might lead to another pond, but you need
to figure it out in the pond. – Ina Gartner<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Learn to trust the feeling of “not knowing.” For most of us,
most of the time, that is the truth. – Hugh Jackman<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The English poet William Blake once observed, “He who would
do good to another man must do it in Minute Particulars.” Minute particulars.
Not grand gestures but everyday acts of kindness. They accumulate, and together
provide the threads that make up our moral fiber.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Marx was smart about a lot of things, but not about the end
justifying the means. Actually, the means dictate the ends. We won’t have
laughter and kindness and poetry and pleasure at the end of any revolution
unless we have laughter and kindness and poetry and pleasure along the way. –
Gloria Steinem<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take at least twenty minutes every day to be still and
quiet. Time to sit in complete silence. Think. Reflect. Dissect your thoughts
and feelings. Relive any mistakes from the day before. Decide how to be smarter
and tougher, how to be more committed and considerate of others and more
sensitive and aware of your surroundings. Choose something you learned that
will make you a better person. - Beyonce<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We doctors are taught early in our training that if we
really listen to our patients, deep insights will shine through for us. – Dr.
Oz<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Skepticism is about asking questions, being dubious, being wary,
not being gullible but always being open to being convinced of a new fact or
angle. Cynicism is about already having the answers—or thinking you do—answers
about a person or an event. The skeptic says, “I don’t think that’s true; I’m
going to check it out.” The cynic says, “I know that’s not true. It couldn’t
be. I’m going to slam him.” – Thomas Friedman<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In life, you will inevitably encounter criticism. Never,
ever read your own reviews. Good ones or bad ones. It is not a critic’s job to tell
you how to feel about your own work. That is your responsibility alone. Never
allow anyone to tell you how to feel about your work. Or limit your view of
yourself or of who you are. The most interesting artists are those who aren’t
too afraid to fail. As the late great Jack Lemmon once said, “Failure seldom
stops you. What stops you is the fear of failure.” You will never achieve a
deeper understanding of your work, or learn the tough lessons, if you are liked
or comfortable all of the time. – Laura Linney<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The book is titled Letters to a Young Poet, and was written
by Rainer Maria Rilke. Rilke wrote a series of letters to an aspiring young
poet advising him on art and life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sadness has been misunderstood. Sadness is the soul recognizing
change. - M Night Shyamalan<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He said, “You see, the city is fundamentally a practical,
utilitarian invention—and it always was. And then suddenly you see this steel
poetry sticking there and it’s a shock. It puts everything to shame and makes
you wonder what else we could have done that was so marvelous and so
unpresumptuous. It carries its weights, it does what it’s supposed to do and
yet … I mean they could have built another Manhattan Bridge and
[Roebling] didn’t. He really aspired to do something gorgeous. So it makes you
feel that maybe you, too, could add something that would last and be
beautiful.” Quote by Arthur Miller<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I can see why you’re tempted,” he said, “and this job will
certainly make you more interesting to others. But that’s the wrong reason to
accept a position. Instead, you should focus on being interested rather than
interesting. Now, tell me how this job will truly give you a chance to serve
others rather than a chance to serve your own career.” John Gardner to
Jacqueline Novogratz<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No matter how good government policies are or how much
economic growth we enjoy, there is always going to be a gap between what the
private sector can produce and what the government can provide. In that space,
citizens have to take action to bridge the broken places in our society and
around the world. – Bill Clinton<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
André would have none of it. He just stopped and said, “You
know, Marissa, you’re putting so much pressure on yourself to make the right
choice. You’re approaching this as if there’s one right answer. And I have to
be honest, that’s just not what I’m seeing here.” He gestured toward the
matrices and charts strewn across the floor. “I think you have a bunch of good
options, and then there’s the one that you’ll pick and make great.” Via Marissa
Mayer<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Find a way to say yes to things. Say yes to invitations to a
new country, say yes to meet new friends, say yes to learn something new. Yes
is how you get your first job, and your next job, and your spouse, and even
your kids. Even if it’s a bit edgy, a bit out of your comfort zone, saying yes
means that you will do something new, meet someone new, and make a difference.
Yes lets you stand out in a crowd, be the optimist, see the glass full, be the
one everyone comes to. Yes is what keeps us all young. – Eric Schmidt<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Instead of trying to get back at someone because she has
hurt you, think of one nice thing about that person and put that out into the
universe instead. If you don’t let it go, that person’s negativity will stay
inside you, and that’s exactly where you don’t want that energy to be. So the
next time you’re hurt by someone, wish that person well in your heart and tell
your brain to move on and think about something else that really matters. You
will be amazed at how it releases your negative energy. People can’t control
you if you won’t let them. – Wendy Walker<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Instead of internalizing the negative emotions of these
people, forgive them for being unhappy souls. That goes for a friend, a
co-worker, a lover, or even the guy who stole the parking space you were
waiting so patiently for. Any frustration you can guard your body from, do it.
Forgive, let go, breathe, and respond to these negative energies with love. You
will be amazed at how much lighter, happier, and healthier you feel. – Wendy Walker<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-20760429863556419622012-07-22T23:15:00.000-07:002012-07-22T23:15:04.806-07:00The Soul of Money<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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The Soul of Money: Transforming Your Relationship with Money
and Life by Lynne Twist<o:p></o:p></div>
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My favourite excerpts...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Soul of Money offers a way to realign our relationship
with money to be more truthful, free, and potent, enabling us to live a life of
integrity and full self-expression that is consistent with our deepest core
values, no matter what our financial circumstances.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I believe that under it all, when you get right down to it
and uncover all the things we’re told to believe in, or things we are
maneuvered and manipulated to believe in, or even things we choose to believe
in, what deeply matters to human beings, our most universal soulful commitments
and core values, is the well-being of the people we love, ourselves, and the
world in which we live.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We realized that our previous scramble to accumulate and
upgrade everything about ourselves and our life was another kind of hunger, and
we addressed it head-on by realizing that what we really hungered for was to
have lives of meaning. We hungered to make a difference and began to devote
ourselves to doing that. Some of us turned our energies to hunger initiatives,
some to education, some to poverty, some to stopping abuse or providing shelter
and healing for victims of abuse. This change of heart brought about a change
in our relationship with money. Once we began to align our money decisions with
these deeper core values and our highest commitments, we experienced a dramatic
shift, not only in what we did with our money but also in how we felt about
money, about our life, and about ourselves. Eventually, we came to know
ourselves not for what we had or owned, but for what we gave; not for what we
accumulated, but for what we allocated.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Money itself isn’t the problem. Money itself isn’t bad or
good. Money itself doesn’t have power or not have power. It is our
interpretation of money, our interaction with it, where the real mischief is
and where we find the real opportunity for self-discovery and personal
transformation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You may have to look closely to find the money thread in
your own story, but it is there and it has meaning. You can begin the process
of examination, and transform the mystery of money, and the field of play that
money represents, into a different kind of place. Your relationship with money
can be a place where you bring your strengths and skills, your highest
aspirations, and your deepest and most profound qualities.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is less obvious and goes almost completely
unacknowledged is the vicious cycle of wealth. There is no recognition of the
trap that wealth so often is, and of the suffering of the wealthy: the
loneliness, the isolation, the hardening of the heart, the hunger and poverty
of the soul that can come with the burden of wealth. She said that I had
extended little or no compassion to the strong, the powerful, and the wealthy,
while they need as much compassion as anyone else on earth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What became clear was that when people were able to align
their money with their deepest, most soulful interests and commitments, their
relationship with money became a place where profound and lasting
transformation could occur. Their money—no matter what the amount—became the
conduit for this change.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Who do I need to be to fulfill on the commitment I’ve made?
What kind of human being do I need to forge myself into to make this happen?
What resources do I need to be willing to bring to bear in myself and my
colleagues and in my world?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives
hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don’t have enough
of. We don’t have enough time. We don’t have enough rest. We don’t have enough
exercise. We don’t have enough work. We don’t have enough profits. We don’t
have enough power. We don’t have enough wilderness. We don’t have enough weekends.
Of course we don’t have enough money—ever. We’re not thin enough, we’re not
smart enough, we’re not pretty enough or fit enough or educated or successful
enough, or rich enough—ever. Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet
touch the floor, we’re already inadequate, already behind, already losing,
already lacking something. And by the time we go to bed at night, our minds
race with a litany of what we didn’t get, or didn’t get done, that day. We go
to sleep burdened by those thoughts and wake up to that reverie of lack.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whether we live in resource-poor circumstances or
resource-rich ones, even if we’re loaded with more money or goods or everything
you could possibly dream of wanting or needing, we live with scarcity as an
underlying assumption.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Contemporary European author, Bernard Lietaer, former senior
officer of the Belgian Central Bank and one of the chief architects of the Euro
currency, in his book, Of Human Wealth, says that greed and fear of scarcity
are programmed; they do not exist in nature, not even in human nature.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It would be logical to assume that people with excess wealth
do not live with the fear of scarcity at the center of their lives, but I have
seen that scarcity is as oppressive in those lives as it is for people who are
living at the margins and barely making ends meet.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This mind-set of scarcity is not something we intentionally
created or have any conscious intention to bring into our life. It was here
before us and it will likely persist beyond us, perpetuated in the myths and
language of our money culture. We do, however, have a choice about whether or
not to buy into it and whether or not to let it rule our lives.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The first prevailing myth of scarcity is that there’s not
enough. There’s not enough to go around. Everyone can’t make it. Somebody’s
going to be left out. There are way too many people. There’s not enough food.
There’s not enough water. There’s not enough air. There’s not enough time.
There’s not enough money.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The second toxic myth is that more is better. More of anything
is better than what we have. It’s the logical response if you fear there’s not
enough, but more is better drives a competitive culture of accumulation,
acquisition, and greed that only heightens fears and quickens the pace of the
race. And none of it makes life more valuable.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the pursuit of more we overlook the fullness and completeness
that are already within us waiting to be discovered. Our drive to enlarge our
net worth turns us away from discovering and deepening our self-worth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The third toxic myth is that that’s just the way it is, and
there’s no way out. There’s not enough to go around, more is definitely better,
and the people who have more are always people who are other than us. It’s not
fair, but we’d better play the game because that’s just the way it is and it’s
a hopeless, helpless, unequal, unfair world where you can never get out of this
trap.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is when and where the blindness, the numbness, the
trance, and, underneath it all, the resignation of scarcity sets in.
Resignation makes us feel hopeless, helpless, and cynical. Resignation also
keeps us in line, even at the end of the line, where a lack of money becomes an
excuse for holding back from commitment and contributing what we do have—time,
energy, and creativity—to making a difference.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The word wealthy has its roots in well-being and is meant to
connote not only large amounts of money but also a rich and satisfying life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In 1977, when I first committed to working to end world
hunger, I assumed that people were starving because they didn’t have enough
food, and if we just got food to the people out there who are hungry, that
would solve the problem of chronic hunger in the world. It all seemed so logical.
But if matching the world’s food supply with the world’s hungry people held the
solution, what explained the stubborn, tragic statistics and realities of
hunger that would seem to make us incapable of resolving it? How could it be
that in a world with more than enough food to go around, 41,000 people, most of
them children under the age of five, were dying each day of hunger and
hunger-related causes?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
History teaches us that lesson. The flood of aid that went
into Ethiopia in 1985 fed many people for a period of time, but did not resolve
that country’s hunger issue. Ethiopia remains a hungry, impoverished country.
The food aid that was sent into Somalia during the crisis there in 1993 and
1994 fed a hungry few, but actually exacerbated the violence and corruption
that was taking place during the civil war there.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In those events of massive infusions of food aid, time and
again, to the point of becoming routine, the food supplies were stolen and
resold by the corrupt power brokers who thrive on the greed and graft that is
rife in embattled countries. Further, the massive amounts of food aid deflated
the local market, meaning that those farmers who did grow grain could no longer
sell it because free food was everywhere—at least for a time, as the scramble
to hoard and control it played out. The disastrous cycle of aid, corruption,
disrupted markets, and disastrous farming investments became part of a problem
instead of a solution. The cycle only perpetuated the root causes of the
crisis.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Hunger Project, by systematically challenging false
assumptions about chronic hunger and food aid, exposed the myth of scarcity and
opened new avenues of inquiry and possibility, eventually succeeding in making
a significant contribution to the eradication of hunger by empowering people to
author their own recovery. In every situation, from individuals to large
populations of people, uncovering the lie and the myths of scarcity has been
the first and most powerful step in the transformation from helplessness and
resignation to possibility and self-reliance.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We often philosophize about the great, unanswered questions
in life. It’s time we looked instead at the unquestioned answers, and the
biggest, most unquestioned answer of our culture is our relationship with
money.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For the Achuar, wealth means being present to the fullness
and richness of the moment and sharing that with one another.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The people were Muslim, and as we sat together in a circle
to discuss the situation, the men did all the talking. The women were not in
the primary circle, but sat in a second circle where they could hear and see,
but they did not speak. I could feel the power of the women behind me, and
sensed that they would be key in the solution. In this barren orange land, it
didn’t seem possible that there could be a solution, but the attitude, sense of
resilience, and dignity of these people argued differently. There was a way
through, and together we would find it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After many conversations with both the women and the men, we
made an agreement with the mullahs and the chief that we would start our work
with the women because the women had the vision. With our partnership, the men
agreed to allow the women to begin the work of digging the well. Over the next
year, as the community rationed its existing supplies of water carefully, the
women dug both with hand tools and the simple equipment we brought them. They
dug deeper and deeper into the ground, singing, drumming, and caring for each
other’s children as they worked, never doubting that the water was there.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sufficiency isn’t an amount at all. It is an experience, a
context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough, and that we
are enough.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sufficiency is a context we bring forth from within that
reminds us that if we look around us and within ourselves, we will find what we
need. There is always enough.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am not suggesting there is ample water in the desert or
food for the beggars in Bombay. I am saying that even in the presence of
genuine scarcity of external resources, the desire and capacity for
self-sufficiency are innate and enough to meet the challenges we face. It is precisely
when we turn our attention to these inner resources—in fact, only when we do
that—that we can begin to see more clearly the sufficiency in us and available
to us, and we can begin to generate effective, sustainable responses to
whatever limitations of resources confront us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At Microsoft’s sprawling corporate campus, I was escorted into
an elegant office building, to a conference room for afternoon tea with a small
contingent of the women who would be at the evening talk. I had asked for this
smaller afternoon meeting because I wanted to know more about these women as a
group and have some conversations with a few of them to learn how I could
connect more easily later with women of this unusual life and career
experience.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Most nursed a quiet regret: Each day they promised to get
home earlier, to get more sleep, to get more exercise, to do the things that
were missing in their lives, and each day they failed to make any headway
toward those commitments.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Each day, each week, each month they made promises to
themselves, their husbands and children, to get through the next project, meet
the next deadline, and then be home more, be more available, have more
nurturing relationships with their children, but it rarely happened, and they
felt a chronic frustration over these unfulfilled promises.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then I asked them about their knowledge of the world, who
their friends were, and what kinds of conversations they were engaged in
outside of work.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember standing before them, seeing their faces reflect
an experience of their fullness rather than lack. I remember their gladdening
expressions when I invited them to find a partner and take a moment to list for
each other all the things they appreciate and are grateful for in their
families and immediate relationships at work and home. There was an
overwhelming sense of fullness in the room as one by one they stood up and
shared the recognition of the completeness and sufficiency in their own lives
and how absent that experience had been previously in the rush for more.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some of them wrote to let me know they had reframed their
experience of working at the company and were living basically the same life,
but seeing it from the lens of fulfillment and gratitude rather than fear,
competition, and survival.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is enough? Each of us determines that for ourselves,
but very rarely do we let ourselves have that experience. What is that point at
which we’re fulfilled, where we have everything we want and need, and nothing
in excess?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Buckminster Fuller said in the 1970s, this is a world
that can work for everyone with no one and nothing left out, and we have the
power and the resources now to create a you-and-me world rather than a
you-or-me world. There is enough for everyone. To access that experience of
enough, however, we have to be willing to let go—let go of a lifetime of
scarcity’s lessons and lies.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Girl,” she said, “my
name is Gertrude and I like what you’ve said and I like you,” she said. “Now, I
ain’t got no checkbook and I ain’t got no credit cards. To me, money is a lot
like water. For some folks it rushes through their life like a raging river.
Money comes through my life like a little trickle. But I want to pass it on in
a way that does the most good for the most folks. I see that as my right and as
my responsibility. It’s also my joy. I have fifty dollars in my purse that I
earned from doing a white woman’s wash and I want to give it to you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gertrude taught me that the power of money is really derived
from the intention we give it and the integrity with which we direct it into
the world. Gertrude’s gift was great, and her clarity helped me regain my own.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next day I mailed the $50,000 check back to the food
company executive, and was relieved to feel I was returning the guilt and shame
that it carried, too. I felt unburdened. With the check I sent a letter
suggesting that the CEO choose an organization they felt committed to and
thanking him for considering us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In this condition of scarcity, money shows up not as a flow,
but as an amount, something to collect and hold on to, to stockpile. We measure
our self-worth by our net worth, and only and always more is better. Any drop
on the balance sheet is experienced as a loss that diminishes us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It could be said that a great fund-raiser is a broker for
the sacred energy of money, helping people use the money that flows through
their lives in the most useful way that is consistent with their aspirations
and hopes for humanity. It could be said that the best financial advisor is
really someone who can inspire a client to do the same—to invest money in ways
that contribute the most to a meaningful, fulfilling life. It could be said
that each of us has the opportunity in our own lives to steward the flow of
money; whatever level comes our way.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In philanthropic interactions, we can return to the soul of
money: money as a carrier of our intentions, money as energy, and money as a
currency for love, commitment, and service; money as an opportunity to nourish
those things we care most about.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What you appreciate appreciates.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We have the opportunity to direct our attention in the way
we relate to money, and when we do it empowers us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There were plenty of independent relief agencies in
Bangladesh already doing heroic and inspiring work, but what seemed to be
making sustainable improvements were the initiatives that came from the
Bangladeshis themselves.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As the first step in the process of forging an effective
partnership, together we looked deeply into the Bangladeshi culture, their
attitudes and beliefs about themselves, their resignation and hopelessness. It
became clear that after so long subsisting on aid, the people had lost touch
with any sense of their own competence or any vision of their country as
capable of success. In our meetings together, the Bangladeshi leaders
determined that the thing that was missing, which, if provided, would enable
these people to become self-reliant and self-sufficient, was a vision of their
own strengths and capabilities. The Hunger Project committed, as a partner, to
develop a program designed to enable the Bangladeshis to reconnect with a
vision for themselves and their country, with an awareness of their available
assets, and strategies to put their ideas into action.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then we began the program, asking everybody to close their
eyes and envision what a self-reliant, self-sufficient Bangladesh would look
like:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At first, people sat there very still, eyes closed,
expressionless, shoulder to shoulder in the park. A hush settled over the
crowd, and the sea of faces remained still, eyes closed, in thought. After a
few minutes I noticed tears streaming down one man’s face, and then another and
another. People were still sitting with their eyes closed, but they were
silently weeping. And then it was not just three or four, or ten or twenty
faces with tears streaming down. In this crowd of more than a thousand, it was
hundreds of weeping faces. It was as if they had never in their lifetime even
thought they could be self-reliant or self-sufficient or a contributing nation,
that they had never imagined they could be a nation that made a difference for
other nations, that they could be a nation that stood out, that had qualities
that people admired, a unique role to play in the world community. It was a
brave new thought.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We walked the fields with Zilu and the rest of the Magnificent
Seven, and visited the fisheries and the training fields. We were overwhelmed
by the people’s vitality, joy, and success. I realized as I walked with them
that they had accomplished this feat with almost no help from the outside. They
had had what they needed all along—the land, the water, the intelligence, the
muscle, and the capacity to put it all together—but had lost touch with those
resources and capabilities in the climate of “Third World” aid and the
hopelessness and presumed incompetence that had come with it. Once they were
inspired to see themselves differently, to see themselves as strong, creative,
and capable, their commitment knew no limits. Success was inevitable.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mother Teresa once noted what she called “the deep poverty
of the soul” that afflicts the wealthy, and had said that the poverty of the
soul in America was deeper than any poverty she had seen anywhere on earth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Buddha told his followers that whatever they chose to give
their attention, their love, their appreciation, their listening, and their
affirmation to would grow in their life and in their world. He likened one’s
life and the world to a garden—a garden that calls for sunlight and nourishment
and water to grow. In that garden are the seeds of compassion, forgiveness,
love, commitment, courage and all the qualities that affirm and inspire us.
Alongside those seeds and in the same garden are the seeds of hatred, the seeds
of prejudice, the seeds of vengeance, the seeds of violence, and all the other
hurtful, destructive ways of being. These seeds and many more like them exist
in the same garden. The seeds that grow are the seeds we tend with our
attention. Our attention is like water and sunshine, and the seeds we cultivate
will grow and fill our garden. If we choose to invest our attention in the
seeds of scarcity—acquisition, accumulation, greed, and all that springs from
those seeds—then scarcity is what will fill the space of our life and the space
of our world. If we tend the seeds of sufficiency with our attention, and use
our money like water to nourish them with soulful purpose, then we will enjoy
that bountiful harvest.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Charles Darwin went on to describe “survival of the fittest”
in large part as the competition for scarce resources, as the basis for the
evolution of species. Contrary to those models of Nature as innately,
intensely, and almost exclusively competitive, more recent scientific study has
illuminated the powerful role of mutuality, synergy, coexistence, and
cooperation in the natural world and the more accurate picture of life that
presents.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Economics says: Compete. Only by pitting yourself against a
worthy opponent will you perform efficiently. The reward for successful
competition will be growth. You will eat up your opponents, one by one, and as
you do, you will gain the resources to do it some more. The Earth says:
Compete, yes, but keep your competition in bounds. Don’t annihilate. Take only
what you need. Leave your competition enough to live. Whenever possible, don’t
compete, cooperate. Pollinate each other, build firm structures that lift
smaller species up to the light. Pass around the nutrients, share the
territory. Some kinds of excellence rise out of competition; other kinds rise
out of cooperation. You’re not in a war; you’re in a community.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have seen its cost again and again in my work in the
developing world. I see people with a dependency hangover. I see the
consequences of a welfare state worldwide that goes beyond rich and poor, that
is actually inside of institutions, families, nation-to-nation relationships
where people “help” other people in a way that is patriarchal—from the top
down—and creates dependents, and dependence, instead of supporting self-reliance
and healthy interdependence. It diminishes everyone.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We have dreamed it: therefore it is. I have become convinced
that everything we think and feel is merely perception: that our
lives—individually as well as communally—are molded around such perception: and
that if we want to change, we must alter our perception. When we give our energy
to a different dream, the world is transformed. To create a new world, we must
first create a new dream. —JOHN PERKINS, The World Is As You Dream It<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In our interactions with the Achuar people of Ecuador and
the other indigenous peoples with whom we now have begun to work, the message
is the same: “Change the dream.” They say that we really can’t change our
everyday actions because at their root will always be the dream we have for our
future and we will always act consistent with that dream. However, they say,
the dream itself can be changed in the space of one generation and the time is
now to do the work that will change the dream.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have looked deeply into what our dream is and where it
comes from. I have seen that we must redream, learn to question the cultural
dream of more and begin to create a dream and a future that is consistent with
our reverence toward, respect for, and affirmation of life. Changing the dream
may really mean to see the world completely differently—as indigenous people
do. They see a world that is totally sufficient, animated with spirit,
intelligent, mystical, responsive, and creative—constantly generating and
regenerating itself in harmony with the great diversity of resources that
support and collaborate with one another through the mystery of life. They see
human beings as part of that great mystery, each human being having an infinite
capacity to create, collaborate, and contribute.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Gandhi said, “There is enough for our need but not for
our greed.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This experience of aligning our money and soul is available
to us every day in even the smallest or most mundane transactions with money,
or other choices we make in daily life that lessen money’s grip on us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With the December holidays approaching, we also shared that
people we knew were participating in what could be called a great “gift shift.”
They were shifting from buying gifts to donating money or time, from spending
money on presents to spending time with people, from making rote gestures to
expressing deeper connections.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The gender and money distortion exists in dramatic
proportions worldwide, but it starts right in our own homes, in our own
families, in our own hearts, where helplessness or entitlement drive our
feelings about money. Until those deeper issues around money are
reconciled—between one woman and one man and between all women and all
men—money will continue to be at times a blind spot and at other times a flash
point in our relationship with money and with each other, from our most
intimate relationships to the most public arenas of life, work, and public
policy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Money is like water. It can be a conduit for commitment, a
currency of love. Money moving in the direction of our highest commitments
nourishes our world and ourselves. What you appreciate appreciates. When you
make a difference with what you have, it expands. Collaboration creates
prosperity. True abundance flows from enough; never from more. Money carries
our intention. If we use it with integrity, then it carries integrity forward.
Know the flow—take responsibility for the way your money moves in the world.
Let your soul inform your money and your money express your soul. Access your
assets—not only money but also your own character and capabilities, your
relationships and other nonmoney <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The profound experience of those short days returns from
time to time, and it is clear for me now as I think about the nature of this
human experience of ours, and the fact that one of the most defining, demanding
aspects of being engaged in the human experience is our struggle, our
challenge, and our interactions with money. I saw again as I had seen many
times before, but this time even more clearly, that money—an arena of life that
so hooks and seduces us—can be our greatest ally in our own transformation and
the transformation of the world in which we live.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a colleague of mine has said, the job of our time is to
hospice the death of the old unsustainable systems and structures and to
midwife the birth of new sustainable systems and new ways of being.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I first heard this caterpillar-butterfly metaphor I
loved it because it gave me a way to see the world the way it is, even its
state of voracious greed, as a kind of evolutionary phase. It is such a fitting
metaphor for our time. When I look at the inspired, devoted, and brilliant
people at work in so many ways to repair and nourish the world, in families,
communities, and sustainable enterprises everywhere on Earth, I see the
imaginal cells of our own transformation. That’s us, people like me and people
like you, people whose stories I’ve shared in this book, and people
appreciating them, people creating new ways, seeing new possibilities.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Provides life-coaching and life-changing workshops based on
Dave Ellis’s book Falling Awake.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-43058833452959675182012-05-27T21:59:00.000-07:002012-05-27T21:59:09.120-07:00Peace Is Every Breath<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Peace Is Every Breath
by Thich Nhat Hanh<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We need spiritual practice. If that practice is regular and
solid, we will be able to transform the fear, anger, and despair in us and
overcome the difficulties we all encounter in daily life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The really good news is that spiritual practice can be done
at any time of the day; it isn’t necessary to set aside a certain period
exclusively for “Spiritual Practice” with a capital S and capital P. Our
spiritual practice can be there at any moment, as we cultivate the energy of
mindfulness and concentration. No matter what you’re doing, you can choose to
do it with your full presence, with mindfulness and concentration; and your
action becomes a spiritual practice.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Waking up this morning, I smile: Twenty-four brand-new hours
are before me. I vow to live each moment fully and to look at all beings with
eyes of compassion. You may like to say the verse as you lie there in your bed,
with your arms and legs comfortably relaxed. Breathing in, you say the first
line; breathing out, you say the second.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please try practicing slow walking meditation and see for
yourself. As you breathe in, take a step and say, “I have arrived.” We have to
invest 100 percent of our body and our mind in our breathing and our step, to
be able to say we have arrived and we are home. If your mindfulness and
concentration are solid, you can arrive 100 percent and be completely at
home wherever you are. If you have not yet really come back home 100
percent to the here and now, then don’t take another step! Just stay right
there and breathe until you can stop the wandering of your mind, until you
really have arrived 100 percent in the present moment. Then you can smile a
smile of victory, and take another step, with the phrase “I am home.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Buddhism teaches that joy and happiness arise from letting
go. Please sit down and take an inventory of your life. There are things you’ve
been hanging on to that really are not useful and deprive you of your freedom.
Find the courage to let them go. An overloaded boat is easily capsized by wind
and waves. Lighten your load, and your boat will travel more quickly and
safely. You can offer the precious gift of freedom and space to your loved
ones, but only if it is truly there in your own heart.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you’re angry at someone for having made you suffer, and
you’re about to say or do something hurtful in retaliation, please close your
eyes, breathe in a long, deep breath, and contemplate impermanence: Feeling the
heat of anger right now, I close my eyes and look into the future. Three
hundred years from now, where will you, where will I, be?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
understanding is first of all being able to see the sources
of pain and suffering in oneself and in the other person.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We should ask ourselves: Have I been able to understand the
difficulties and the suffering of that person yet? Have I been able to see the
sources of that suffering? If the answer is not yet “yes,” then we need to make
more of an effort to understand. “My son, my daughter, do you think I’ve
understood your difficulties, your stresses, and suffering well enough? If not,
please help me understand you better. I know that if I haven’t really
understood you, then I can’t really love you and make you happy. Please, help
me. Tell me about the difficulties and the pain inside of you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In Buddhism, we learn that if we can understand our own
suffering, we easily will be able to understand the suffering of others. So we
should come back to ourselves first and get in touch with the suffering inside
of us, and not give in to the urge to run away from it or numb ourselves into
forgetting about it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We should use our mindfulness to remind ourselves that when
we offer someone our practice of deep listening, we do it with the sole aim of
helping them empty their heart and release their pain. When we can stay focused
on that aim, we can continue to listen deeply, even when the other person’s
speech may contain a lot of wrong perceptions, bitterness, sarcasm, judgment,
and accusation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In Buddhism, the bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara (also known as
Quan Yin in Chinese, Kannon in Japanese, or Quan The Am in Vietnamese) is the
specialist in listening with loving-kindness and compassion. Here is a
recitation for this practice, from the daily chanting book we use in Plum
Village: We invoke your name, Avalokiteshvara. We aspire to learn your way of
listening in order to help relieve the suffering in the world. You know how to
listen in order to understand. We will sit and listen without any prejudice. We
will sit and listen without judging or reacting. We will sit and listen in
order to understand. We will sit and listen so attentively that we will be able
to hear what’s being said and also what’s being left unsaid. We know that just
by listening deeply, we already alleviate much pain and suffering in the other
person.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the energy of irritation or anger arises, as
practitioners we should immediately come back to conscious breathing and do
some walking meditation, to produce the energy of mindfulness so we can
recognize and take care of that anger. Breathing in, I know anger is
manifesting in me. Breathing out, I’m taking good care of this energy of anger
in me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If, after twenty-four hours of practicing like this, we
still have not found our way out, we need to let the other person know what’s
going on. If we’re not able to do this calmly in person, we can write a note.
We should say three things: 1. I’m angry with you, and I want you to know it.
2. I am doing my best to practice. 3. Please help me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Adjusting Your Posture Meditation: Feelings come and go like clouds in
a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Walking Meditation: The mind can go in a thousand directions,
but on this beautiful path, I walk in peace. With each step, a gentle wind
blows. With each step, a flower blooms.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Drinking Tea Meditation: This cup of tea in my two hands, mindfulness
held perfectly. My mind and body dwell in the very here and now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ending the Day Meditation: The day is ending, our life is one day
shorter. Let us look carefully at what we have done. Let us practice
diligently, putting our whole heart into the path of meditation. Let us live
deeply each moment in freedom, so time does not slip away meaninglessly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Five Mindfulness Trainings:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Reverence for life<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. True happiness<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. True love<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4. Loving speech and deep listening<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5. Nourishment and healing<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-3592150112116126762012-05-23T00:24:00.002-07:002012-05-23T00:24:30.492-07:00The Gifts of Imperfection<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown<o:p></o:p></div>
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After studying tough topics like shame for a decade, I truly
believed that I deserved confirmation that I was “living right.” But here’s the
tough lesson that I learned that day (and every day since): How much we know
and understand ourselves is critically important, but there is something that
is even more essential to living a Wholehearted life: loving ourselves.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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People may call what happens at midlife “a crisis,” but it’s
not. It’s an unraveling—a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life
you want to live, not the one you’re “supposed” to live. The unraveling is a
time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are
supposed to be and to embrace who you are.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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DIG Deep. They just do it in a different way. When they’re
exhausted and overwhelmed, they get Deliberate in their thoughts and behaviors
through prayer, meditation, or simply setting their intentions; Inspired to
make new and different choices; Going. They take action.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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I tried the new DIG Deep—get deliberate, inspired, and
going. I told myself, “If you need to refuel and losing yourself online is fun
and relaxing, then do it. If not, do something deliberately relaxing. Find
something inspiring to do rather than something soul-sucking. Then, last but
not least, get up and do it!” I closed my laptop, said a little prayer to
remind myself to be self-compassionate, and watched a movie that had been
sitting in a Netflix envelope on my desk for over a month. It was exactly what I
needed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Courage sounds great, but we need to talk about how it
requires us to let go of what other people think, and for most of us, that’s
scary. Compassion is something we all want, but are we willing to look at why
boundary-setting and saying no is a critical component of compassion? Are we
willing to say no, even if we’re disappointing someone? Belonging is an
essential component of Wholehearted living, but first we have to cultivate
self-acceptance—why is this such a struggle?<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Practicing courage, compassion, and connection in our daily
lives is how we cultivate worthiness. The key word is practice. Mary Daly, a
theologian, writes, “Courage is like—it’s a habitus, a habit, a virtue: You get
it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn
courage by couraging.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Heroics is often about putting our life on the line.
Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s
world, that’s pretty extraordinary.1<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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During the interviews, it blew my mind when I realized that
many of the truly committed compassion practitioners were also the most
boundary-conscious people in the study. Compassionate people are boundaried
people. I was stunned.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable,
we feel used and mistreated.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s hard for us to understand that we can be compassionate
and accepting while we hold people accountable for their behaviors. We can,
and, in fact, it’s the best way to do it. We can confront someone about their
behavior, or fire someone, or fail a student, or discipline a child without
berating them or putting them down. The key is to separate people from their
behaviors—to address what they’re doing, not who they are (I’ll talk more about
this in the next chapter). It’s also important that we can lean into the
discomfort that comes with straddling compassion and boundaries.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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I define connection as the energy that exists between people
when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without
judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really
giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we
knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help. For years, I placed
value on being the helper in my family. I could help with a crisis or lend
money or dispense advice. I was always happy to help others, but I would have never
called my siblings to ask them for help, especially for support during a shame
storm. At the time, I would have vehemently denied attaching judgment to my
generous giving. But now, I understand how I derived self-worth from never
needing help and always offering it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Love and belonging are essential to the human experience. As
I conducted my interviews, I realized that only one thing separated the men and
women who felt a deep sense of love and belonging from the people who seem to
be struggling for it. That one thing is the belief in their worthiness. It’s as
simple and complicated as this: If we want to fully experience love and
belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When we can let go of what other people think and own our
story, we gain access to our worthiness—the feeling that we are enough just as
we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we spend a lifetime
trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with
who we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for
our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our
sense of worthiness—that critically important piece that gives us access to
love and belonging—lives inside of our story.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The greatest challenge for most of us is believing that we
are worthy now, right this minute. Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites. So
many of us have knowingly created/unknowingly allowed/been handed down a long
list of worthiness prerequisites: I’ll be worthy when I lose twenty pounds.
I’ll be worthy if I can get pregnant. I’ll be worthy if I get/stay sober. I’ll
be worthy if everyone thinks I’m a good parent. I’ll be worthy when I can make
a living selling my art. I’ll be worthy if I can hold my marriage together.
I’ll be worthy when I make partner. I’ll be worthy when my parents finally
approve. I’ll be worthy if he calls back and asks me out. I’ll be worthy when I
can do it all and look like I’m not even trying.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Most of us use the terms fitting in and belonging
interchangeably, and like many of you, I’m really good at fitting in. We know
exactly how to hustle for approval and acceptance. We know what to wear, what
to talk about, how to make people happy, what not to mention—we know how to
chameleon our way through the day.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who
you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us
to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of
all women, men, and children. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and
spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s also pushed me to think about the important differences
between professing love and practicing love. During a recent radio interview
about the rash of celebrity infidelities, the host asked me, “Can you love
someone and cheat on them or treat them poorly?” I thought about it for a long
time, then gave the best answer I could based on my work: “I don’t know if you
can love someone and betray them or be cruel to them, but I do know that when
you betray someone or behave in an unkind way toward them, you are not
practicing love. And, for me, I don’t just want someone who says they love me;
I want someone who practices that love for me every day.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we
want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about
the things that get in the way—especially shame, fear, and vulnerability. In
Jungian circles, shame is often referred to as the swampland of the soul. I’m
not suggesting that we wade out into the swamp and set up camp. I’ve done that
and I can tell you that the swampland of the soul is an important place to
visit, but you would not want to live there. What I’m proposing is that we
learn how to wade through it. We need to see that standing on the shore and
catastrophisizing about what could happen if we talked honestly about our fears
is actually more painful than grabbing the hand of a trusted companion and
crossing the swamp. And, most important, we need to learn why constantly trying
to maintain our footing on the shifting shore as we gaze across to the other
side of the swamp—where our worthiness waits for us—is much harder work than
trudging across.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of
believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.1<o:p></o:p></div>
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The stories of our struggles are difficult for everyone to
own, and if we’ve worked hard to make sure everything looks “just right” on the
outside, the stakes are high when it comes to truth-telling. This is why shame
loves perfectionists—it’s so easy to keep us quiet.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After a decade of research, I found that men and women with
high levels of shame resilience share these four elements: They understand
shame and recognize what messages and expectations trigger shame for them. They
practice critical awareness by reality-checking the messages and expectations
that tell us that being imperfect means being inadequate. They reach out and
share their stories with people they trust. They speak shame—they use the word
shame, they talk about how they’re feeling, and they ask for what they need.<o:p></o:p></div>
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What’s the difference between shame and guilt? The majority
of shame researchers and clinicians agree that the difference between shame and
guilt is best understood as the differences between “I am bad” and “I did
something bad.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Children who use more shame self-talk (I am bad) versus
guilt self-talk (I did something bad) struggle mightily with issues of
self-worth and self-loathing. Using shame to parent teaches children that they
are not inherently worthy of love.<o:p></o:p></div>
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According to Dr. Hartling, in order to deal with shame, some
of us move away by withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves, and keeping
secrets. Some of us move toward by seeking to appease and please. And, some of
us move against by trying to gain power over others, by being aggressive, and
by using shame to fight shame (like sending really mean e-mails).<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Yet all of these strategies move us away from our story.
Shame is about fear, blame, and disconnection. Story is about worthiness and
embracing the imperfections that bring us courage, compassion, and connection.
If we want to live fully, without the constant fear of not being enough, we
have to own our story.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If you want to kick-start your shame resilience and
story-claiming, start with these questions. Figuring out the answers can change
your life: Who do you become when you’re backed into that shame corner? How do
you protect yourself? Who do you call to work through the mean-nasties or the
cry-n-hides or the people-pleasing? What’s the most courageous thing you could
do for yourself when you feel small and hurt?<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we
think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity
means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow
ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing
that we are all made of strength and struggle; and nurturing the connection and
sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough.
Authenticity demands Wholehearted living and loving—even when it’s hard, even
when we’re wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and
especially when the joy is so intense that we’re afraid to let ourselves feel
it. Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles
is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
E. E. Cummings wrote, “To be nobody-but-yourself in a world
which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but
yourself—means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight—and
never stop fighting.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving
up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. — ANNA
QUINDLEN1<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at
its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists
were raised being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners,
rule-following, people-pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way,
we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish
and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect. Healthy striving is
self-focused—How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused—What will they
think?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief
system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, live perfectly, and
do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame,
judgment, and blame. Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is
no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally,
perfectionism is more about perception—we want to be perceived as perfect.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mindfulness: Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions
so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. We cannot ignore our
pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. Mindfulness requires that we
not “over-identify” with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and
swept away by negativity.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you look at the current research, here are five of the
most common factors of resilient people: They are resourceful and have good
problem-solving skills. They are more likely to seek help. They hold the belief
that they can do something that will help them to manage their feelings and to
cope. They have social support available to them. They are connected with
others, such as family or friends.2<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Based on the interviews, here’s how I define spirituality:
Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably
connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our
connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion.
Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to
our lives.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the past two years I’ve become increasingly concerned
that we’re raising children who have little tolerance for disappointment and
have a strong sense of entitlement, which is very different than agency.
Entitlement is “I deserve this just because I want it” and agency is “I know I
can do this.” The combination of fear of disappointment, entitlement, and
performance pressure is a recipe for hopelessness and self-doubt.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me, it wasn’t just the dance halls, cold beer, and
Marlboro Lights of my youth that got out of hand—it was banana bread, chips and
queso, e-mail, work, staying busy, incessant worrying, planning, perfectionism,
and anything else that could dull those agonizing and anxiety-fueled feelings
of vulnerability.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve spent most of my life trying to outrun vulnerability
and uncertainty. I wasn’t raised with the skills and emotional practice needed
to “lean into discomfort,” so over time I basically became a
take-the-edge-off-aholic.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Again, after years of research, I’m convinced that we all
numb and take the edge off. The question is, does our _______________ (eating,
drinking, spending, gambling, saving the world, incessant gossiping,
perfectionism, sixty-hour workweek) get in the way of our authenticity? Does it
stop us from being emotionally honest and setting boundaries and feeling like
we’re enough? Does it keep us from staying out of judgment and from feeling
connected? Are we using _____________ to hide or escape from the reality of our
lives?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s called the vowel check: AEIOUY. A = Have I been
Abstinent today? (However you define that—I find it a little more challenging
when it comes to things like food, work, and the computer.) E = Have I
Exercised today? I = What have I done for myself today? O = What have I done
for Others today? U = Am I holding on to Unexpressed emotions today? Y = Yeah!
What is something good that’s happened today?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People were quick to point out the differences between
happiness and joy as the difference between a human emotion that’s connected to
circumstances and a spiritual way of engaging with the world that’s connected
to practicing gratitude.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, what does a gratitude practice look like? The folks I
interviewed talked about keeping gratitude journals, doing daily gratitude meditations
or prayers, creating gratitude art, and even stopping during their stressful,
busy days to actually say these words out loud: “I am grateful for …”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My friend Lynne Twist has written an incredible book called
The Soul of Money.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My friend Lynne Twist has written an incredible book called
The Soul of Money. In this book, Lynne addresses the myth of scarcity. She
writes, For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is “I
didn’t get enough sleep.” The next one is “I don’t have enough time.” Whether
true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we
even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days
of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don’t
have enough of … We don’t have enough exercise. We don’t have enough work. We
don’t have enough profits. We don’t have enough power. We don’t have enough
wilderness. We don’t have enough weekends. Of course, we don’t have enough money—ever.
We’re not thin enough, we’re not smart enough, we’re not pretty enough or fit
enough or educated or successful enough, or rich enough—ever. Before we even
sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we’re already inadequate,
already behind, already losing, already lacking something. And by the time we
go to bed at night, our minds race with a litany of what we didn’t get, or
didn’t get done, that day. We go to sleep burdened by those thoughts and wake
up to the reverie of lack … What begins as a simple expression of the hurried
life, or even the challenged life, grows into the great justification for an
unfulfilled life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lynne says that addressing scarcity doesn’t mean searching
for abundance but rather choosing a mind-set of sufficiency: We each have the
choice in any setting to step back and let go of the mindset of scarcity. Once
we let go of scarcity, we discover the surprising truth of sufficiency. By
sufficiency, I don’t mean a quantity of anything. Sufficiency isn’t two steps up
from poverty or one step short of abundance. It isn’t a measure of barely
enough or more than enough. Sufficiency isn’t an amount at all. It is an
experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is
enough, and that we are enough. Sufficiency resides inside of each of us, and
we can call it forward. It is a consciousness, an attention, an intentional
choosing of the way we think about our circumstances.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s how I define faith based on the research interviews:
Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we
cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Comparison is the
thief of happiness.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember telling one of my colleagues, “These Wholehearted
people fool around a lot.” She laughed and asked, “Fool around? How?” I
shrugged, “I don’t know. They have fun and … I don’t know what you call it.
They hang out and do fun things.” She looked confused. “Like what kind of fun
things? Hobbies? Crafts? Sports?” “Yes,” I replied. “Kinda like that but not so
organized. I’m going to have to dig around some more.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s play! A critically important component of Wholehearted
living is play!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In today’s culture—where our self-worth is tied to our net
worth, and we base our worthiness on our level of productivity—spending time
doing purposeless activities is rare. In fact, for many of us it sounds like an
anxiety attack waiting to happen.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If we want to live a Wholehearted life, we have to become
intentional about cultivating sleep and play, and about letting go of
exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the best things that we’ve ever done in our family is
making the “ingredients for joy and meaning” list. I encourage you to sit down
and make a list of the specific conditions that are in place when everything
feels good in your life. Then check that list against your to-do list and your
to-accomplish list. It might surprise you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m continually inspired by Stuart Brown’s work on play and
Daniel Pink’s book A Whole New Mind.4 If you want to learn more about the
importance of play and rest, read these books.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I define calm as creating perspective and mindfulness while
managing emotional reactivity. When I think about calm people, I think about
people who can bring perspective to complicated situations and feel their
feelings without reacting to heightened emotions like fear and anger.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me, breathing is the best place to start. Just taking a
breath before I respond slows me down and immediately starts spreading calm.
Sometimes I actually think to myself, I’m dying to freak out here! Do I have
enough information to freak out? Will freaking out help? The answer is always
no.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness; it’s about
creating a clearing. It’s opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and
allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I often say that when they start having Twelve Step meetings
for busy-aholics, they’ll need to rent out football stadiums.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Using our gifts and talents to create meaningful work takes
a tremendous amount of commitment, because in many cases the meaningful work is
not what pays the bills. Some folks have managed to align everything—they use
their gifts and talents to do work that feeds their souls and their families;
however, most people piece it together.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Every semester I share this quote by theologian Howard
Thurman with my graduate students. It’s always been one of my favorites, but
now that I’ve studied the importance of meaningful work, it’s taken on new significance:
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We hustle for our worthiness by slipping on the emotional
and behavioral straitjacket of cool and posturing as the tragically hip and the
terminally “better than.” Being “in control” isn’t always about the desire to
manipulate situations, but often it’s about the need to manage perception. We
want to be able to control what other people think about us so that we can feel
good enough.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a
place of worthiness. It’s about cultivating the courage, compassion, and
connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and
how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes,
I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the
truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-40780715521974649362012-05-23T00:10:00.002-07:002012-05-23T00:10:31.489-07:00Who Would You Be Without Your Story?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Who Would You Be Without Your Story? By Byron Katie<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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So are you going to question your stressful concepts as they
surface, or not? Are you going to question them and turn them around? Are you
going to sit with them like a student of yourself and read the book of you? And
you’ll notice that sometimes you do, sometimes you don’t—at first. And if you
have The Work for breakfast every day, it starts waking up in you. You no
longer do it; it does you. The only concepts that come back to you are the ones
that need your understanding. I see all thoughts as the beloved.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I’m good at something, I don’t give it to the world. I
give it to my daughter; I give it to you. I give it to the one in front of me,
because I’ve received it myself. I have the ability to do that. If I have the
most sweetheart thing in the world, it’s not for everyone. It’s for the one in
front of me—it’s for me first and then you. That’s it. That’s all that’s
required. No push, no pull. It’s not for a grand scale. It’s just for this, the
one in front of you. That’s your job. And if you believe it’s otherwise, you
torment yourself with the mind that’s not in reality—the mind that won’t just
sit, notice, appreciate, be supported. And I’m good enough to do this. I know
my job. My job is to sit here comfortably now. I’m doing my job.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I often say that forgiveness is simply seeing that what you
thought happened, didn’t. And we think we have to name it something, so we call
it forgiveness.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The Work is like this. You’re walking through the desert and
it’s a beautiful day; and you look down and see a big fat rattlesnake, and
you’re terrified of rattlesnakes. You jump back, your heart is racing, your
pulse is beating, you’re paralyzed with fear, sweat on your brow. Then the sun
goes behind a cloud and you look again, and it isn’t a snake after all—it’s a
rope. Now I invite you to stand over the rope for a thousand years and make
yourself afraid of it again. You can’t. This is self-realization. You have
realized for yourself what is true. And you can never be afraid of that rope
again. That’s the power of questioning your mind. So what we’ve been dealing
with this evening are apparent snakes. And I can tell you that in twenty years,
I have never met a thought that is in reality a snake. They’ve all been ropes.
Every single stressful thought I have ever encountered has been a rope. There’s
no exception to that. And I love that you’ve begun to find it out for yourself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-81889407927212040542012-05-23T00:09:00.002-07:002012-05-23T00:09:38.367-07:00Mindfulness<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Mindfulness by Ellen J. Langer<o:p></o:p></div>
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The creation of new categories, as we will see throughout this book, is a mindful activity.
Mindlessness sets in when we rely too
rigidly on categories and distinctions
created in the past (masculine/feminine,
old/young, success/failure).<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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One need not work through deep-seated personal conflict to make conscious those thoughts that
are<o:p></o:p></div>
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mindlessly processed. However, such thoughts will not, on their own, occur to the person for
reconsideration. In that way, they too
are inaccessible. But if we are offered
a new use for a door or a new view of old age,
we can erase the old mindsets without difficulty.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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When children start a new activity with an outcome orientation, questions of "Can I?"
or "What if I can't do it?"
are likely to predominate, creating an anxious
preoccupation with success or failure rather than drawing on the child's natural, exuberant
desire to explore. Instead of enjoying
the color of the crayon, the designs on
the paper, and a variety of possible shapes
along the way, the child sets about writing a "correct" letter A.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Just as mindlessness is the rigid reliance on old categories, mindfulness means the continual
creation of new ones.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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It is easy to see that any
single gesture, remark, or act between people can have at least two interpretations: spontaneous
versus impulsive; consistent versus
rigid; softhearted versus weak; intense
versus overemotional; and so on.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Even if their reasons
are hard for us, as observers, to discern, people<o:p></o:p></div>
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are rarely intentionally stingy, grim, choosy,
inflexible, secretive, lax, indiscreet,
rash, or fussy, for example. No one
tries to cultivate unpleasant qualities. Take the same list and imagine yourself in a situation
where the word might be applied to you.
If you bought someone a present on sale,
for instance, would you then see yourself
as stingy or thrifty? If you took your children out of school early one Friday in spring, would
you see yourself as irresponsible or
fun-loving? Virtually all behavior can
be cast in a negative or a more tolerable or
justifiable light.8<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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The consequences of trying out different perspectives are important. First, we gain more choice in
how to respond. A single-minded label
produces an automatic reaction, which
reduces our options. Also, to understand
that other people may not be so different
allows us empathy and enlarges our range of responses.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Second, when we apply this open-minded attitude to our own behavior, change becomes more
possible. When I used to do clinical
work, it often seemed odd to me that
many people in therapy not only had strong
motivation to change (hence their visits to me), but the desired behavior was already in their
repertoires. What was stopping them? In
looking back, now I realize that, often,
they were probably trying to change behavior
(for example, "being impulsive") that they actively
enjoyed, but from another point of view
("being spontaneous"). With
this realization, changing one's behavior
might be seen not as changing something negative but as making a choice between two positive
alternatives<o:p></o:p></div>
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(for example,
"being reflective" versus "being
spontaneous").<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Among other effects, increased mindfulness appears to reduce the depression associated with old
age. Larry Perlmuter and I looked at
whether we could decrease depression as
well as increase self-knowledge and
memory through a behavioral monitoring tech-
nique.2 This technique, in which subjects take note of<o:p></o:p></div>
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the choices they make in daily activities, had already been shown to be an effective way to increase
mind- fulness.3 It rests on an
assumption about the nature of choice:
The opportunity to make choices increases our
motivation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Had the rich stranger in Chapter 2 who needed a
three-by-seven-foot piece of wood
simply unhinged his own front door,
observers of the scavenger hunt might have
thought, "What a creative solution!" Many, if not all, of the qualities that make up a mindful
attitude are characteristic of creative
people. Those who can free themselves of
old mindsets (like the man on the train),
who can open themselves to new information and surprise, play with perspective and context, and focus
on process rather than outcome are
likely to be creative, whether they are
scientists, artists, or cooks.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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We can look at the world and ask how things differ (make distinctions) or how they are
the same (make analogies). The first
approach results in the creation of new
categories, the second usually involves
shifting contexts, both of which we have described as mindful activities. We have discussed the
mindful nature of novel
distinction-making at some length. Thinking
by analogy is equally important to both mindfulness and creativity.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.<o:p></o:p></div>
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ARNOLD TOYNBEE<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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In each of these cases, a mindset of fatigue was lifted by a shift in context initiated by
someone else-the<o:p></o:p></div>
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investigator or a
friend. Mindful individuals use the
phenomenon of second wind to their own advantage in a more deliberate way. Staggering
different kinds of paperwork, changing
to a different work setting, and taking
a break to jog or make a phone call are all ways to tap latent energy by shaking free of the
mindset of exhaustion.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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In Getting to Yes, Roger Fisher and William Urey suggest ways that negotiators can generate
within their own minds the kind of
perspectives brought by outsiders from
different disciplines: "If you are negotiating a business contract, invent options that might
occur to a banker, an inventor, a labor
leader, a speculator in real estate, a
stockbroker, an economist, a tax expert, or a<o:p></o:p></div>
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socialist."-'<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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If a manager is confident but uncertain--confi- dent that the job will get done but without
being certain of exactly the best way
of doing it--employees are likely to
have more room to be creative, alert, and self-starting. When working for confident but
uncertain leaders, we are less likely to
feign knowledge or hide mistakes,
practices that can be costly to a company.
Instead, we are likely to think, "If he's not sure, I guess I don't have to be right 100 percent of the
time," and risk taking becomes less
risky. Employees are more likely to
suggest process and product changes that could
be beneficial. Admission of uncertainty leads to a search for more information, and with more
information there may be more options.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Because people perceived as bright and knowledgeable tend to become managers, the sense that
the boss knows the answer is pervasive
and asking questions is potentially
intimidating to employees. If managers
make clear that they see certainty as foolhardy, it is easier to ask questions based on one's own
uncertainty. Questions provide a good
deal of information for managers.
Moreover, if managers seek out information from employees to answer these questions, both
will probably become more mindful and
innovative.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Many of us know the energizing effects of a new job. There is an excitement in learning new
things, mapping out a new territory. As
the job becomes familiar, however,
enthusiasm and energy wane. Burnout sets
in when two conditions prevail: Certainties start to characterize the workday, and demands of
the job make workers lose a sense of
control. If, in addition, an
organization is characterized by rigid rules, problems that arise feel insurmountable because
creative problem-solving seems too
risky. When bureaucratic work settings
are of the "we've always done it this way" mentality, burnout is no stranger.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Once the staff understood that their justification for these solutions were much weaker than
they had thought, they were able to find
other ways of solving the problems. By
returning some control to the residents,
they made their own jobs easier. For example, they came to realize that there was no firm
reason to believe that a blind man
couldn't learn to smoke safely. In fact,
he already knew where and how to smoke
without danger. They just had to give him a chance.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In a recent experimental
investigation conducted at Lewis Bay Head Injury Facility, we offered the nurses and other
caregivers a similar kind of mindfulness
training. With the resultant change of
outlook, and a renewed sense that new
solutions were possible, the staff in this demanding and potentially depressing situation showed a
significant increase in morale and job
satisfaction.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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In combating prejudice,
then, the issue is not simply how we might
teach the majority to be less judgmental, but also how we might all learn to value a
"disabled" or "deviant"
person's more creative perceptions.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Most of us are brought up to find the answer rather than an answer to questions. We do not easily
come<o:p></o:p></div>
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up with several alternatives. By requiring that the
children in the first group give
several different answers to each
question, we were also requiring them to draw
mindful new distinctions.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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One of the slides, for example, pictured a woman who was a cook. She was identified as deaf.
The experimental group was asked to
write down four reasons why she might be
good at her profession and four reasons
why she might be bad. The control group was
asked to list one good and one bad reason. This group was asked six additional questions requiring
only one answer in order to keep the
number of answers constant. Several
questions were asked of this kind about
different professions. <i>Amanda’s
note: good ideas for developing integrative thinking.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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A second part of this training in discrimination presented problem situations and asked the
children "how" they might be
solved. They were to list as many ways
as they could think of (experimental group), or
they were simply asked whether they could be solved (control group). For instance, when viewing a
woman in a wheelchair they were either
asked in detail how this person could
drive a car or simply asked, Can this
person drive a car?<o:p></o:p></div>
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A third exercise in making distinctions involved finding explanations for events. We gave the
children a slide and a short written
description of what was happening (for
instance, a girl spilling coffee in a lunchroom).<o:p></o:p></div>
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The experimental
group was told to think up several
different explanations for the situation while the control group again considered only one
explanation. The number of explanations
required for each set of questions
increased throughout the training for the experimental group. The same number of slides was
presented to every child.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Our thoughts create the context which determines our feelings.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Part of the reason they fail is that all the positive aspects of the addiction still have a strong
appeal. The relaxation, the taste, the
sociable quality of stopping for a
cigarette remain tempting. A more mindful approach would be to look carefully at all these
pleasures and to find other ways of
obtaining them. If the needs served by
an addiction can be served in other ways, it
should be easier to shake.<o:p></o:p></div>
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One day, at a nursing home in Connecticut, elderly residents were each given a choice of
houseplants to care for and were asked
to make a number of small decisions
about their daily routines. A year and a half
later, not only were these people more cheerful, active, and alert than a similar group in the same
institution who were not given these
choices and responsibilities, but many
more of them were still alive. In fact, less
than half as many of the decision-making, plant-minding residents had died as had those in the other
group. This experiment, with its
startling results, began over ten years
of research into the powerful effects of what
my colleagues and I came to call mindfulness, and of its counterpart, the equally powerful but
destructive state of mindlessness.'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The costs of mindlessness, and the potential benefits of increasing mindfulness, became
particularly clear to me while
conducting research with the elderly. In
1976, with Judith Rodin, a colleague from Yale, I explored the effects of decision making and
responsibility on residents in a nursing
home.' We divided the residents into an
experimental and a control group. Those
in the experimental group were emphatically encouraged to make more decisions for themselves. We
tried to come up with decisions that
mattered and at the same time would not
disturb the staff. For example, these
residents were asked to choose where to receive
visitors: inside the home or outdoors, in their rooms, in the dining room, in the lounge, and so on.
They were also told that a movie would
be shown the next week on Thursday and
Friday and that they should decide
whether they wanted to see it and, if so, when.
In addition to choices of this sort, residents in the experimental group were each given a
houseplant to care for. They were to
choose when and how much to water the
plants, whether to put them in the window
or to shield them from too much sun, and so forth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This group was contrasted with members of a comparison group who were also given plants but were
told that the nurses would take care of
them. Those in the comparison group were
not encouraged to make decisions for
themselves but were told that the staff was
there to help them in every way possible. For example, if they wanted to visit with people inside
the home or<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
outside the home, in their room, in the dining room, or in the lounge, we suggested that they tell
a member of the staff, who would help
them arrange it. We tried to make the
issues between the two groups as similar
as possible except for the distinctions about who was responsible and in control.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before the experiment began and three weeks after it ended, we used various behavioral and
emotional measures to judge the effect
of this encouragement. Measures of
behavior (like participation in activities of
the nursing home), subjective reports (how happy residents felt), and ratings by the staff (how alert
and active they judged the residents to
be) all showed clear and dramatic
improvement for the group that had been
given more responsibility.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eighteen months after the study, we went back to the nursing home and took the same measures.
The residents who had been given more
responsibility still took more
initiative, and were significantly more active,
vigorous, and sociable than the others. When Judith Rodin gave a lecture at the nursing home, she
found that those who participated
actively and asked the most questions
came from the experimental group. At that
time we also measured the residents' physical health. While, before our study began, the health
evaluation ratings of the two groups
(based on their medical records) had
been the same, eighteen months later the
health of the experimental group had improved while that of the comparison group had worsened.
The most striking discovery, however,
was that the changed attitudes we had
initiated in these nursing home residents<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
resulted in a lower mortality rate. Only seven of the forty-seven subjects in the experimental
group had died during the eighteen-month
period, whereas thirteen of the
forty-four subjects in the comparison group had
died (15 percent versus 30 percent).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because these results were so startling, we looked for other factors that might have affected
the death rates. Unfortunately, we
cannot have known everything about the
residents prior to our experiment. We do
know that those who died did not differ significantly in the length of time that they had been in
the institution or, as pointed out, in
their overall health status when the
study began. The actual causes of death that
appeared on the medical records varied from one individual to another in both groups. Thus, the
larger number of deaths in the
comparison group was not the result of a
certain disease being more prevalent in one
group than in another. The changes brought about by the experiment in the lives of the residents
did seem to lead, literally and
figuratively, to more living. When we
look closely at our "treatment"-encouraging choice and decision making and giving residents
something new to look after-it seems
appropriate to see it as a way of
increasing mindfulness. These results have been
confirmed by much research since that time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3542721637070860927.post-2471291366853531512012-05-23T00:06:00.000-07:002012-05-23T00:06:02.996-07:00Coming Back to Life: Practices to Reconnect Our Lives, Our World<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Coming Back to Life: Practices to Reconnect Our Lives, Our
World by Joanna R. Macy and Molly Young Brown<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I imagine that future generations will look back on this
period and call it the time of the “Great Turning.” It is the epochal shift
from a self-destructive industrial growth society to a life-sustaining society.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Ed Ayers, editor of World Watch, writes in a recent
editorial,2 The greatest destruction in our world is not being inflicted by
psychopathic tyrants or terrorists. It’s being done by ordinary
people—law-abiding, churchgoing, family-loving “moral” people—who are enjoying
their sport-utility vehicles, their vacation cruises, and their burgers, and
are oblivious to where those pleasures come from and what they really cost.
Oblivious not to what those things cost at the store, but to what they cost
when all the uncounted effects of their production and use are added up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The work presented in this book is a precise antidote to the
collective self-deception of our industrial growth society. Helping Joanna to
write this book has been a precise antidote to the communal deception of my
childhood, and the confusion I have carried from it for most of my life. I am
profoundly grateful for the experience.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Let us borrow the perspective of future generations and, in
that larger context of time, look at how this Great Turning is gaining momentum
today, through the choices of countless individuals and groups. We can see that
it is happening simultaneously in three areas or dimensions that are mutually
reinforcing. These are: 1) actions to slow the damage to Earth and its beings;
2) analysis of structural causes and creation of structural alternatives; and
3) a fundamental shift in worldview and values. Many of us are engaged in all
three, each of which is necessary to the creation of a sustainable
civilization.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Not waiting for our national or state politicos to catch up
with us, we are banding together, taking action in our own communities. The
actions that burgeon from our hands and minds may look marginal, but they hold
the seeds for the future.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The second dimension of the Great Turning is equally
crucial. To free ourselves and our planet from the damage being inflicted by
the Industrial Growth Society, we must understand its dynamics. What are the
tacit agreements that create obscene wealth for a few, while progressively
impoverishing the rest of humanity? What interlocking causes indenture us to an
insatiable economy that uses our larger body, Earth, as supply house and sewer?<o:p></o:p></div>
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I. “Holding actions” in defense of life on Earth These
activities may be the most visible dimension of the Great Turning. They include
all the political, legislative, and legal work required to slow down the destruction,
as well as direct actions—blockades, boycotts, civil disobedience, and other
forms of refusal.<o:p></o:p></div>
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II. Analysis of structural causes and creation of
alternative institutions The second dimension of the Great Turning is equally
crucial. To free ourselves and our planet from the damage being inflicted by
the Industrial Growth Society, we must understand its dynamics. What are the
tacit agreements that create obscene wealth for a few, while progressively
impoverishing the rest of humanity? What interlocking causes indenture us to an
insatiable economy that uses our larger body, Earth, as supply house and sewer?<o:p></o:p></div>
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III. Shift in perceptions of reality, both cognitively and
spiritually These nascent institutions cannot take root and survive without
deeply ingrained values to sustain them. They must mirror what we want and how
we relate to Earth and each other. They require, in other words, a profound
shift in our perception of reality—and that shift is happening now, both as
cognitive revolution and spiritual awakening.<o:p></o:p></div>
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All honest forecasts are for rough weather ahead. Because
the Industrial Growth Society depends on accelerating consumption of resources,
it is unsustainable. It cannot last, for the simple reason that it is inexorably
and exponentially destroying itself. In system terms, it is on “runaway.” As
its distant markets and supplies dry up, and its interlocked financial
institutions collapse, the shock waves wash over us all, tumbling us into fear
of chaos.<o:p></o:p></div>
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For many years Americans demonized the Russians and the
Communists, and now deprived of those foes, we cast about for new enemies
within our own borders on whom to vent our suspicions and anger. We blame
illegal immigrants, welfare recipients, jobless and homeless people, and other
more or less disenfranchised groups for our troubles. The upsurge of racist and
sexist resentments, the recent spates of church burnings and painted swastikas,
hate crimes, and diatribes on radio talk shows against gays, feminists, and
other “deviant” minorities all evidence an unacknowledged and<o:p></o:p></div>
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Self-reflexive consciousness, which requires a high degree
of integration and differentiation, does not characterize the next holonic
level, the level of social systems. Though an “esprit de corps” can be sensed
in organizations with strong allegiances, it is too diffuse to register and
respond to all the feedback necessary for its survival. The locus of
decision-making remains within the individual, susceptible to all the vagaries
of what that individual considers to be of self-interest. And our present modes
of decision-making seem simply too slow and too corruptible to respond
adequately to the survival crisis produced by our Industrial Growth Society and
its technologies. Could this very crisis, confronting us as it does with
destruction of the bases of complex life forms on Earth, engender a collective
level of self-interest in choice-making—in other words, self-reflexivity on the
next holonic level? Fearful of fascism, we might well reject any idea of
collective consciousness. It is important to remember that genuine, systemic
self-organizing requires diversity of parts in spontaneous, unconstricted play.
A monolith of uniformity has no internal intelligence. The holonic shift in
consciousness would not sacrifice, but instead require, the uniqueness of each
part and its point of view. It would begin, almost imperceptibly, with a sense
of common fate, and a shared intention to meet it together. It would start to
emerge in unexpected behaviors, as individuals in countless settings meet to
speak and reflect on what is happening to their lives, their world. It would
manifest in an unpredictable array of spontaneous actions, as people step out
from their private comforts, giving time and taking risks on behalf of Earth
and their brother-sister beings. It would include all the hopes and changes
that give reality to each dimension of the Great Turning. And given the
dynamics of self-organizing systems, it is likely that as we reflect and act
together, we will soon find ourselves responding to the present crisis with far
greater confidence and precision than we imagined possible.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The holonic shift in consciousness would not sacrifice, but
instead require, the uniqueness of each part and its point of view. It would
begin, almost imperceptibly, with a sense of common fate, and a shared
intention to meet it together. It would start to emerge in unexpected
behaviors, as individuals in countless settings meet to speak and reflect on
what is happening to their lives, their world. It would manifest in an
unpredictable array of spontaneous actions, as people step out from their
private comforts, giving time and taking risks on behalf of Earth and their
brother-sister beings. It would include all the hopes and changes that give
reality to each dimension of the Great Turning. And given the dynamics of
self-organizing systems, it is likely that as we reflect and act together, we
will soon find ourselves responding to the present crisis with far greater
confidence and precision than we imagined possible.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Western psychology has virtually ignored our relationship to
the natural world. Our connection to the source of life does not figure in its
definition of mental health, nor is our destruction of our life-support system
included in its list of pathologies. It has failed to ask Paul Shepard’s rather
obvious and haunting question: “Why does society persist in destroying its
habitat?” Now the new discipline of ecopsychology addresses this failure and
studies the human psyche within the larger systems of which it is a part. It
explores how our cultural alienation from nature engenders not only careless
and destructive behavior toward our environment, but also many common disorders
such as depression and addiction.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Within Christianity, clerics and theologians alike break
through superstructures of dogma to find at the core of their faith a
celebratory vision of our true nature and calling, consonant with the latest findings
of science. This vision is not new: Nicholas da Cusa, a fifteenth century
mathematician and cardinal, perceived God as “an infinite circle, whose
circumference is nowhere, and whose center is everywhere.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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The bodhisattva, the Buddhist hero figure, is one who knows
and takes seriously the dependent co-arising of all things. That is why he also
knows that there is no private salvation, and that is why she turns back from
the gates of nirvana to reenter samsara, the world of suffering, again and
again to minister to all beings until each, to every blade of grass, is
enlightened. Here is revealed the compassion that blooms naturally when we open
to our condition of profound mutuality. Since that condition pertains to us
all, whether or not we acknowledge it yet, we are all, in a sense—the Scripture
tells us—bodhisattvas.<o:p></o:p></div>
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These teachings, practices, and images have, like systems
theory, inspired and shaped “the work that reconnects” presented in this book.
For the Buddha’s core teaching of dependent co-arising, we sometimes use a new
word, coined by a Vietnamese Zen master of today. It recalls the term
“interexistence” used by some systems theorists to characterize the
relationship of open systems, but is less of a mouthful. The word made popular
and potent by Thich Nhat Hanh is “interbeing.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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The body-politic is much like a neural net, as Karl Deutsch
asserts. Like the brain, society is a cybernetic system which only functions
well with unhampered flows of information. That is how our mind-bodies work.
When you put your hand on a hot stove, you rapidly withdraw it, because
feedback tells you your fingers are burning. You wouldn’t know that if you
began censoring your body’s reports.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Self-governance requires the free circulation of information
necessary to public decision-making. In the present hypertrophied stage of the
Industrial Growth Society, however, even governments that call themselves
democracies suppress information unwelcome to corporate interests.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This institutionalized secrecy is understandable in terms of
protecting vested interests, but it comes at a high price. For any system that
consistently suppresses feedback—closing its perceptions to the results of its
behavior—is suicidal.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anthropocentrism means human chauvinism. Similar to sexism,
but substitute “human race” for man and “all other species” for woman...<o:p></o:p></div>
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The central purpose of the Work that Reconnects is to help
people uncover and experience their innate connections with each other and with
the systemic, self-healing powers in the web of life, so that they may be
enlivened and motivated to play their part in creating a sustainable
civilization.<o:p></o:p></div>
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These two weapons of the Shambhala warrior represent two
essential aspects of the Work that Reconnects. One is the recognition and
experience of our pain for the world. The other is the recognition and
experience of our radical, empowering interconnectedness with all life.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Our culture, including mainstream Western psychology, tends
to reduce our pain for the world to personal maladjustments. This leads people
to suppose that feelings of personal despair must be resolved and eradicated
before feelings of social despair can be considered legitimate. “First I’ve got
to work through my relationship with my mother...or with my addiction....” The
notion that one must find enlightenment, undergo transformation, or get one’s
head straight first, before dealing with social despair, keeps many otherwise
intelligent people in a state of moral infantilism.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The work generally unfolds in four successive movements: 1)
affirmation; 2) despair work; 3) a perceptual shift; and 4) preparing for
action. As we plan and conduct a workshop, we attend to this dynamic flow, and
order the group’s activities in ways which invite it. Our awareness and
attention to this spiral is more important than the particular methods we
employ.<o:p></o:p></div>
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1. Affirmation: coming from gratitude. To begin with simple,
ordinary thankfulness for our existence grounds all the work that will follow.
To take time to express our love for life on Earth, in brief and concrete
terms, opens the mind and heart—and serves as context for the pain we will also
acknowledge and share.<o:p></o:p></div>
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2. Despair work: owning and honoring our pain for the world.
Here we confront the realities of our planet-time, including the degradation
and suffering of Earth and her beings, and let ourselves experience our
responses to these realities.<o:p></o:p></div>
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3. The shift: seeing with new eyes. Here we trace our pain
for the world to its source, the larger matrix of our lives. At this turning
point of the work, we see our pain and our power as rooted in our
interconnectedness. We explore our connectedness to past and future
generations, and to the more-than-human world, drawing upon them for strength
and guidance.<o:p></o:p></div>
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4. Going forth. In the last stage, we explore the
synergistic power available to us as open systems and apply these
understandings to our work for social change. We develop visions and plans that
will help each participant take concrete steps appropriate to his or her
situation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Despair work may reemerge at any point in a workshop.
Workshop facilitators learn to be comfortable with this, and are prepared to
change planned activities if needed to make room for it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Greet participants individually, if only for a moment.
Joanna has a practice of making brief physical contact with each person as she
introduces herself and hears their names.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We are here to use this time and space together. It is a
unique opportunity. Our bodies are here; let us allow our minds to arrive
also.... Many of us hurried to get here, perhaps leaving some chores undone and
some calls we needed to make. Let’s look at these bits of unfinished business
in our mind’s eye...and now let’s put them up on a shelf and leave them there
until five o’clock .<o:p></o:p></div>
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Molly sometimes warns the group that she will break in about
a third of the way around with a reminder about brevity. She may even specify
the point in the circle, so when the reminder comes, the previous speaker
doesn’t feel criticized.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Another time-minding method utilizes a watch which is
silently passed to the one who is speaking when his time is up—one minute, say,
or two. He finishes his sentence and then holds it while the next person
speaks, passing it to her after the allotted time, and she in turn does the
same for the following speaker. This quiet and easy method shares the
responsibility with everyone in the group.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After a lunch break, a ten-minute group nap, introduced with
relaxation suggestions and soothing music, helps participants rest and digest
their food, honors the natural drowsiness which often occurs after eating, and
builds a sense of group trust. People return to waking feeling refreshed and
respected as physical beings.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As guides, you might acknowledge the courage and caring of
those in the circle, and the fact that the workshop is but one step in our
collective journey. You can say that the deep responses we have uncovered here
together are likely to well up in the days ahead more powerfully than ever
before, and that is all right, for we are strong and resilient and not alone.
Even though this particular circle may not meet again physically, it will
remain part of our lives. You can ask participants to take some moments of
silence to look around the circle, reflecting on what they have learned from
each other and what they wish for each other in the time ahead. Then you can
invite brief words of closing from the group, and end with a song, a sounding,
or silence.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In the Tibetan Buddhist path we are asked to pause before
any period of meditative practice and precede it with reflection on the
preciousness of a human life.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Affirmation begins with a warm, personal greeting, welcoming
each person to the workshop. When you see each comer as a gift, it helps them
feel gladness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Breathe deep. Feel the air flow through the body like a
blessing, the oxygen quickening each cell awake. Draw in that air that connects
you with all being, for there is no one alive in this world now who is not
breathing like you, in and out...in a vast exchange of energy with the living
body of our planet, with seas and plants. Stretch high and wide to let more air
in. Then fall forward from the waist with a forceful exhalation, expelling the
tensions and toxins of the day. Let the breath cleanse and open us.<o:p></o:p></div>
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To bring attention to the body, continue the guidance you
began with the breath, using your own words to suggest something like the
following: Stretch. Stretch all muscles, then release. Slowly rotate the head,
easing the neck with all its nerve centers. Rotate the shoulders, releasing the
burdens and tensions they carry. Behold your hand, feel the skin. Feel the
textures of the world around you, clothing, arm of chair, tabletop, floor. Your
senses are real; they connect you with your world; they tell you what it is
like. You can trust them. Come to your senses. Come back to life.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In the midst of a conference on the nuclear threat, Joanna
led a session on despair work. The group was polite and dutifully attentive,
though a bit tired after a morning of terrifying films, facts, and figures. She
began by inviting people to breathe deeply, close their eyes, and simply listen
to their bodies. We have been trying to handle this information with our heads
alone—as if we were a brain on the end of a stick—now let’s hear what our
bodies have to say... In the quiet that followed, many began to weep, and
within minutes this group of relative strangers was sharing fears and sorrows
they had seldom, if ever, expressed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Start on a positive note, by asking participants to share in
one of these ways: As you tell us your name and where you’re from, tell us also
something particular that you love about being alive. (Or)...share something
you did or saw today that made you glad to be alive. (Or)...tell us about a
place you love. (Or)...tell us what makes your heart sing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We can move then to our personal responses to the plight of
the world. We need to get to this soon, because many people come to the
workshop just for the opportunity to express out loud and at last their
feelings of apprehension without fear of being seen as morbid, sick, or
unpatriotic. To keep that initial sharing vivid, immediate, and concrete, we
can say: Let’s go around the circle again and each briefly share an experience
of the last week or so that caused you pain for the world. It can be an
incident, a news item, a dream.... If tears should come, please share them,
too...<o:p></o:p></div>
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Remember to model the sharing first, including stating your
name even though participants know it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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For liveliness and better learning, let the group itself
fill in the features of the Great Turning. A brainstorm is good for this. After
the guide has given the central idea and the three main dimensions, she invites
the group to unpack them—to cite from their own experience and information the
evidence they see of the Great Turning. The guide may choose to focus the
brainstorm on one of the dimensions—such as alternative social and economic
structures, that are appearing now as harbingers of the Life-sustaining
Society. Or he may choose a topic as broad as the Great Turning in its
entirety. If the group is sizeable, say over twenty, several sheets of
newsprint on the wall and several scribes will be needed, for the contributions
come thick and fast.<o:p></o:p></div>
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An outdoor setting with growing things is most rewarding,
but even city streets have served well. Forming pairs, people take turns being
guided with eyes closed, in silence. Deprived of sight, they have the chance
now to use their other senses with more curiosity and wonder than usual, and to
experience trusting another person with their safety. Their partners, guiding
them by the hand or arm, offer them various sensory experiences—a flower or
leaf to smell, the texture of grass or tree trunk, the sound of birds or
children playing—all the while without words. The tempo is relaxed, allowing
time to fully register each encounter. Every so often, the guide adjusts his
partner’s head, as if aiming a camera, and says, “Open your eyes and look in
the mirror.” The ones being guided open their eyes for a moment or two, and
take in the sight. Demonstrate with a volunteer as you give instructions.
Remind participants to maintain silence, except for the occasional invitation
to look in the mirror. After a predetermined length of time, roles are changed.
Provide an audible signal when it is time to switch, using a bell or drum or
call. At the end of the second shift, each pair forms a foursome with another
pair and takes time now to speak of the experience. After ten minutes or so,
bring their attention to the larger group and invite a general sharing. “What
did you notice?” “What surprised you?” “What feelings came up, in guiding or
being guided?” Many will be eager to respond, often with distinctive insights.<o:p></o:p></div>
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ZEN POET THICH NHAT HANH WAS ASKED, “What do we need to do
to save our world?” His questioners expected him to identify the best
strategies to pursue in social and environmental action, but Thich Nhat Hanh’s answer
was this: “What we most need to do is to hear within us the sounds of the Earth
crying.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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For each person this process entails: • acknowledging our
pain for the world (verbally or silently) • validating it as a wholesome
response to the present crisis • letting ourselves experience this pain • being
able to express it to others • recognizing how widely it is shared by others •
and recognizing that it is not “crazy” but that it springs from our caring and
connectedness. In despair work you discover that others aren’t afraid of your
pain for the world, and you witness theirs. Then you can dare to hope something
for humanity and for what we can do together. When we unblock our despair,
everything else follows—the respect and awe, the love. That’s why I never state
the case for despair in my workshops, but just let people hear it from
themselves and each other.—John Seed, rainforest activist<o:p></o:p></div>
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Sometimes people are reluctant to acknowledge their distress
about the situation we are in, for fear of reinforcing negativity and making
things worse. This concern seems to come from a misunderstanding of the New Age
view that “we create our own reality” and it results in a refusal or incapacity
to see what is actually going on. Creating a false dualism between “negative”
and “positive” thoughts, it operates in the service of totalitarianism. It
diverts attention from the very real world we all participate in, and cuts off
the feedback necessary for the system’s healing. If a workshop participant
expresses this fear of “negativity,” listen respectfully, then help the person
see where it can lead. Often people only need reassurance that it is all right
to feel how they feel, and that they will not be punished for it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Have people gather in groups of about four (at least three
and no more than five). Each person speaks for the same period of time (between
five to ten minutes) while the others listen without verbal response. If the
speaker finishes early, or pauses for a while, the group should sit in silence
until the time period is up. Often the speaker will find more to say. Be sure
to review the guidelines on listening in Chapter 5, and introduce them to the
group. Themes for the sharing are open-ended and general, such as a recent experience
of the condition of the world—when suffering and uncertainty has impinged on
your personal life, or a time when you felt pain for the world particularly
acutely. Later in the workshop, group sharing might be about people’s
experiences in a particular exercise. During the Shift (next chapter), people
talk about their recent experiences of power and connection. Midway through a
day-long or weekend workshop, invite people to share their responses to what
has occurred to that point. Small group sharing can be used at any point to
good effect, and is particularly useful near the beginning and during
transitions.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Moving back chairs and cushions to make a large open space
in the room, invite people to “mill”—to circulate around the room at a fairly
energetic pace, without talking. Model this by walking quickly around the room,
weaving through the people. Let your eyes go out of focus; you won’t bump. Soft
vision. Use the whole space so we don’t get into a snarl in the middle. Soft
vision and you won’t collide. If you find us going in the same direction, turn
around and go upstream.<o:p></o:p></div>
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People sit in pairs, face to face and close enough to attend
to each other fully. They refrain from speaking until the exercise begins. One
is Partner A, the other Partner B—this can be determined quickly by asking them
to tap each other on the knee; the one who tapped first is A. When the guide
speaks each unfinished sentence, A repeats it, completes it in his own words,
addressing Partner B, and keeps on talking spontaneously for the time allotted.
The partners then switch roles. Depending on the material, they switch after
each open sentence or, more usually, at the end of the series. The listening
partner—and this is to be emphasized—keeps silent, saying absolutely nothing
and hearkening as attentively and supportively as possible.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Here is a sample series of open sentences that we have used
a great deal. Feel free to make up your own to address the particular interests
of the group, remembering to keep them as unbiased and nonleading as possible.
1. I think the condition of our society is becoming... 2. I think the condition
of our environment is becoming... 3. What concerns me most about the world
today is... 4. When I think of the world we will leave our children, it looks
like... 5. Feelings about all this, that I carry around with me, are... 6. Ways
I avoid these feelings are... 7. Ways I use feelings are...<o:p></o:p></div>
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The Open Sentence format adapts easily and effectively to
different time spans and situations. • With groups of organizational or
professional colleagues, the sentences can help articulate difficulties without
beating around the bush, as well as renew inspiration. For example: 1. What
first inspired me to work for the Environmental Protection Agency (or become a
physician or canvasser...) was... 2. What I find hard in this work is... 3.
What keeps me going in this work is... 4. What I hope can happen for us in this
work (or organization) is...<o:p></o:p></div>
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Instead of the seven-part series given above, Joanna often
uses this shorter three sentence format, allowing more time for each response:
1. To be alive now in this time of global crisis, what is particularly hard for
me is... 2. What I appreciate about living in this time of crisis is... 3. As I
look at my life, it seems that some of the ways I take part in the healing of
my world (or the Great Turning) are...<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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In working with teens, we face special challenges, for it
seems even more difficult for them to talk about their feelings, due to social
pressure and their strong need to fit in. When Molly used this exercise in a
high school classroom, she had the students complete the sentences first in
writing, and then share in groups of three. Writing first helped the students
to reflect more deeply, before “going public” with their thoughts and feelings.
The written work also provided feedback for the teacher in planning future
lessons.<o:p></o:p></div>
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People sit in a circle. They sit as closely packed as
possible for they are, as we often put it, creating a containment vessel, for
holding and cooking the truth. The circle they enclose is divided into four
quadrants (visible demarcations are not needed), and in each quadrant is placed
a symbolic object: a stone, dead leaves, a thick stick, and an empty bowl.
Entering each quadrant, the guide holds the object it contains and explains its
meaning. Here are some words we use.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The process unfolds in three concentric circles. At the
outset everyone is standing and moving in the outer ring, which is the Circle
of Reporting. The next is the Circle of Anger and Fear, and the innermost, a
pile of pillows at the center, is the Circle of Sorrow. Behind the outer ring,
a corner space is marked off, with a potted plant or two, to create the
Sanctuary.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Choose a word, a theme or phrase—perhaps something that
emerged in a previous process—and post it. Have everyone in the group relax as
they read it; and have them then take pen or pencil and write—spilling out,
pouring out whatever comes to mind. Help them by your suggestions to release
themselves from the judge and censor in their mind, and playfully or
prayerfully to let come what comes. There is no requirement to read it to
others and no requirement for spelling, grammar, or even “making sense.”
Suggest that people continue moving their pen or pencil even when nothing
comes, just repeating the last word, drawing circles or whatever.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“With this dark and
painful stuff, our task is to...”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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What, then, is your role as guide? You pause to name what is
happening, and by naming, you evoke and validate it. You help the group turn a
corner. At that corner, you can look two ways, getting perspective on where you
have been and at the same time glimpsing a new vista. Looking back at
participants’ experience in the despair work, you name the interconnectedness
that is intrinsic to their pain for the world. Looking ahead, you indicate what
this interconnectedness can mean for their lives and work to heal our world.
Jerry, as you wept for your children’s future... Jan, as you opened to the
grief and confusion of your clients... Bill, the rage you feel over the dumping
of toxic wastes ... Helen, your suffering with the people of Mexico ... do you
see? These concerns extend far beyond your own personal safety and comfort.
They are more than fear of your own death. They come out of the web of life in
which you belong. What does this say? Does it say something about your power?
What kind of power can we draw from this interconnectedness?<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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What, then, is your role as guide? You pause to name what is
happening, and by naming, you evoke and validate it. You help the group turn a
corner. At that corner, you can look two ways, getting perspective on where you
have been and at the same time glimpsing a new vista. Looking back at
participants’ experience in the despair work, you name the interconnectedness
that is intrinsic to their pain for the world. Looking ahead, you indicate what
this interconnectedness can mean for their lives and work to heal our world.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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• The worldview underlying the Industrial Growth Society
perceives reality in terms of discrete and separate entities, which relate to
each other in a hierarchical and competitive fashion. Hence power has been
understood as domination—power over, win/lose. • We now, in the Great Turning,
reclaim an understanding of the interdependence of all phenomena. Power is
understood as mutual and synergistic, arising from interaction and generating new
possibilities and capacities.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Participants sit in groups of four. Ask them to choose,
mentally, a particular issue or situation that concerns them. After a moment of
silence, invite them to take turns speaking and listening to each other. Each
person will describe the issue from four perspectives in turn: (1) from their
own experience and point of view, including their feelings about the issue; (2)
from the perspective of a person whose views are very different and even
adversarial on the issue, introducing themselves and speaking as this person,
using the pronoun “I”; (3) from the viewpoint of a nonhuman being that is
involved in or affected by that particular situation; (4) and lastly, in the
voice of a future human whose life will be directly affected by the choices
made now on this issue. The guide announces these perspectives when the time
comes for each one—instead of all at once at the outset—and repeats them in
that sequential fashion for the following speakers. Give at least three minutes
for each perspective. Signal the time with a verbal cue (“take another minute
to finish”) and then with a clacker or bell to end that part. Allow for silence
between each part and at the end of each series.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Widening Circles helps people to see with new eyes an issue
or situation which is of great concern to them. Thus they participate in
widening circles of identity. It is excellent for environmental activists,
bringing wisdom, patience, flexibility, and perseverance.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Partner A, you begin by asking Partner B, “Who are you?” You
listen. You ask again, “Who are you?” Again you listen, then repeat the
question, “Who are you?” Rest assured that the answers will be different. You
can vary the question, if you wish, with “What are you?” but you say nothing
else. This continues for about ten minutes, until I ring the bell. Then
you shift to the second question, “What do you do?” Now, in a similar fashion,
you listen to those answers and then keep repeating the query, “What do you
do?” You can also phrase it, “What happens through you?” After ten
minutes, when I ring the bell, you will revert to the first question, “Who (or
what) are you?” The process will repeat itself once more, taking seven or eight
minutes with each question, ending with “Who are you?” for a final five
minutes. The bell will signal when to change questions. This is a
strenuous mental exercise. It can produce extraordinary insights, sometimes
with bursts of laughter, but it feels relentless. It must be undertaken gently
and with respect. Remember, you are not badgering your partner. You’re not
suggesting that his responses are wrong; you’re helping him go deeper. You are
in service to your partner. The tempo and tonality of your questions will vary;
you’ll know intuitively when to ask again quickly and when to pause in silence.
Now before you begin, bow to your partner—and to the essential mystery at the
core of this being. Partner A bows to B once more when the cycle of questions
is over. As the partners change roles, let them stand and stretch, without
talking. At the end of the entire exercise, which takes an hour, allow plenty
of time for people to digest what has happened for them. Let the pairs relax
and chat; then if there is time, bring them back together in the large group so
that people can share some of their insights if they wish—which they usually
do.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As humans we have the capacity and the birthright to
experience time in a saner fashion. Throughout history, men and women have
labored at great personal cost to bequeath to future generations monuments of
art and learning, to endure far beyond their individual lives.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Closing the eyes, they imagine moving forward thirty years
in time; from that vantage point and in response to three questions from a
child, they look back at the present. Participants, whose age might make
another thirty years of life unlikely, are simply asked, for the sake of the
exercise, to imagine they’re still around. Brief silence of about a minute
follows each of the child’s queries, which focus on: 1) the reality of the
dangers we faced “back then” in that time of crisis; 2) how we felt about them;
and 3) how we found the strength to respond to them creatively. After returning
to the present, participants gather in threes to reflect on their responses to
the child, and, when time permits, bring these reflections to the larger group.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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Closing their eyes, participants are invited to journey
forward through coming generations and identify with a human living one or two
hundred years from now. They need not determine this person’s circumstances,
but only imagine that he or she is looking back at them in their present lives.
Nonprogrammatic music helps free the mind. “Now imagine what this being would
want to say to you. Open your mind and listen. Now begin putting it on paper,
as if this future one were writing a letter just to you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Those in the outer circle (facing in) speak for themselves,
out of their own experience; they stay seated in the same place. Those in the
inner circle (facing out) are people of a future generation (specify a date in
fifty to two hundred years, not more). These future ones do not speak (until
the end) and do move. After each encounter, they rise, step back to move one
place to the right, and sit again. In this way, the inner circle moves slowly
clockwise while the outer circle is stationary.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The four questions, which the guide speaks on behalf of the
future ones (and repeats for clarity), are given here in words we tend to use.
1. Ancestor, I have been told about the terrible times in which you lived, wars
and preparations for war, hunger and homelessness, the rich getting richer, the
poor getting poorer, poisons in the seas and soil and air, the dying of many
species.... It is hard to believe. Was that really true? Tell me. 2. Ancestor,
what was it like for you in the midst of that? How did you feel? 3. Ancestor,
we have songs and stories that still tell of what you and your friends did back
then for the Great Turning. Now what I want to know is this: how did you start?
You must have felt lonely and confused sometimes, especially at the beginning.
What first steps did you take? 4. Ancestor, I know you didn’t stop with those
first actions on behalf of Earth. Tell me, where did you find the strength and
joy to continue working so hard, despite all the obstacles and discouragements?<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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The intention we start with, and make explicit to the group,
is all important. We can phrase it in many ways—to heal our separation from the
natural world, or to know our interexistence with all beings, or to find in the
web of life the power that will help us act in its self-defense... Having owned
that intention, we are then in service to it—not to our own success as guides,
and not to the whims of the group, but to our life as Earth.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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The exercise is based on the speech which Chief Sealth, or
Seattle as he is now known, delivered to his tribal assembly in 1854.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This process helps people confront, in their own words, the
contrast between attitudes and behaviors endemic to the Industrial Growth
Society and the reverence with which our indigenous ancestors cared for the
natural world. Reminding us that respect for the web of life is our birthright,
it evokes both sorrow for its loss and a yearning for its return. In systems
terms, this exercise allows “self-referencing”—that is, seeing ourselves and
our actions from the perspective of the larger context.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Man does not weave the web of life; he is merely a strand of
it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the Remembering evokes the ecological self and loosens the
grip of the anthropocentrism of today’s culture. At the same time it fosters a
sense of authority, which we can claim when we act on behalf of Earth; that is,
it encourages us to “act our age”—our true age of fifteen billion years—and
take part in the Great Turning to a sustainable society.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
It first arose in 1981, at a midnight gathering of several
hundred people in Minnesota, in the form of a simple, solemn reading of the
list of threatened and endangered species. At its close, people were invited to
call out and name other threatened aspects of our common life on Earth; then
they expressed their sorrow by the ancient act of keening. Joanna’s poem, The
Bestiary, grew out of that experience, although she named only other animals,
and did not include trees or plants. In subsequent years, more often than not,
the reading of this poem has been used in lieu of the unadorned list of
threatened and endangered species.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The group sits in a circle and listens as the Bestiary (see
Appendix B), or selections of a governmental list of threatened and endangered
species, is read aloud. Use several voices (four is a good number) spaced
around the circle; the pace should be unhurried, as befits a funeral. After the
naming of each species, a clacker is struck or a drum is sounded in one strong
beat.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As the names are read, it is easy to feel guilty as a human.
So, before the reading, the guide makes clear that this is not the point of the
exercise. Guilt tends to close us down. Instead, as each name is read, people
should take the opportunity silently to honor the beauty and wisdom of that
unique, irreplaceable species. This suggestion helps people to open to the
grief that is in them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Following a ritual opening, participants allow themselves to
be chosen by another life-form, for whom they will speak in Council. They
prepare themselves to do this by reflecting on their life-form, often by making
a mask to represent it, sometimes practicing moving and speaking as that
life-form, and finally gathering in a formal, structured Council to speak of
the grave threats faced by nearly all life-forms today.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
let us look at the Work That Reconnects to be clear about
what it does not provide us, and what it does. It gives us no dogma or
ideology, no panacea for society’s ills, no blueprint for resolving the global
crisis—not even a certainty that we can act in time to save life on Earth. Such
a guarantee, were it possible, would not be likely to summon forth our best
efforts—the leap of courage and creativity that is required of us now.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Think of some times in your life when something important
and good happened because of a choice you made, because of something you said
or did, because of the way you were. Choose one of these times...recapture the
scene...play it back for yourself.... Now in groups of four, tell that story,
taking turns and listening to each other without comment until you all have
finished.<o:p></o:p></div>
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==========<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To find our calling is to find the intersection between our
own deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger. —Frederick Buechner<o:p></o:p></div>
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At one workshop, one man still insisted that he experienced
no power in his life. “What gives you pleasure?” the guide asked. “Well, I
don’t know. I feel good when I ride my bicycle.” “What is that like?” “Well, I
tell you now, it feels good when I’m riding home from work and the traffic is
jammed. I just speed by all those stuck cars and trucks; they can hardly move
and I’m going where I want to go.” “That sounds like a powerful feeling,” said
the guide. “You bet!” said Jim beaming. “I guess that is a kind of power, isn’t
it?” And he recognized with pride the guerrilla-power of ingenuity and
flexibility.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Our sense of the power that is in us can be hard to convey
in words. Close your eyes and breathe deeply for a moment or two...then try to
sense what your power is like.... Let images and sensations emerge.... Then
take your paper and colors and begin to draw how that power feels to you or appears
to you at this moment. Do this quickly, without too much thought.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This practice helps people to clarify their vision of their
part in building a sustainable world, and to bring into focus a specific path
or project to pursue (or continue pursuing). It helps them recognize the many,
and often unsuspected, resources available to them, and identify immediate
steps to take. Because it is done in pairs, it also creates a strong sense of
mutual support. Without fail, over the years, we have found this exercise to
invigorate people and strengthen their confidence; we make room for it in
almost all our workshops.<o:p></o:p></div>
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People work in pairs, taking turns. In response to questions
from the guide, one speaks while the other serves as “scribe,” recording the
speaker’s answers on paper. Encourage the speaker to take full advantage of
having a scribe, and relax—maybe stretch out to give freer rein to the mind. At
the end of each series of questions, the speaker gives the scribe a hand
massage, before they reverse roles.<o:p></o:p></div>
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1. If you knew you could not fail, what would you be doing
for the healing of our world? Here is our chance to pull out the stops and
think big, with no “ifs” or “buts” getting in the way. An alternative first
question is: If you were liberated from all fear and open to all the power
available to you in the web of life, what would you do for the healing of our
world? 2. In pursuing this vision, what particular project do you want to
undertake? It can be a new direction in work you’re already doing, or something
entirely new. Here’s our chance to get specific. Think in terms of what could
be accomplished, or at least well underway, in a year’s time. 3. What
resources, inner and outer, do you now have that will help you do that? Inner
resources include specific strengths of character, and relevant experience,
knowledge, skills you’ve acquired. External resources include relationships,
contacts, and networks you can draw on—not to forget babysitters, rich uncles,
computer-savvy friends—as well as your location, employment, real goods, and
money in the bank. 4. Now what resources, inner and outer, will you need to
acquire? To do what you want to do, what will you need to learn and to obtain?
These can run from assertiveness training to grants to contacts among
organizations, churches, local merchants, and the support they can give you. 5.
How might you stop yourself? What obstacles might you throw in the way of
fulfilling your goals? We all have familiar patterns of self-doubt and
sabotage. 6. How will you overcome these obstacles? Draw upon your past
experience in dealing with these self-imposed obstacles, and perhaps some new
ways of moving around them will occur to you. 7. What can you do in the next 24
hours, no matter how small the step—if only a phone call—that will move toward
this goal? When both partners have scribed the other’s responses (and exchanged
hand massages), the two take turns reporting back to each other from the notes
they have taken. Instruct each scribe to use the second-person pronoun: you
want to, you have, one way you might stop yourself, etc. And the other is to
listen as if hearing, at long last, their orders from the universe. The papers
of notes are then exchanged, so that each can take with them their answers,
their plans.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Each pair from the “Goals and Resources” practice now joins
with another pair to make a group of four, bringing the notes of their plans.<o:p></o:p></div>
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You are now provided an unparalleled opportunity. You are
offered what money cannot buy: topflight consultants, who are allied with your
vision. Take a moment to reflect on the plans you’ve been hatching. Where can
you use some excellent advice? Is it to get clearer on your project and what
you can achieve? Is it how to find the resources you need, or how to deal with
particular obstacles? You each have ten minutes (or fifteen). Refine your
questions in your mind, so that you can speak briefly and allow time for the
others to respond.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This rewarding three-part exercise reveals how a group can
work together and empower its members, as it moves from a general or abstract
goal to steps for immediate and concrete actions. Adapted from processes
developed by the Movement for a New Society, it has been equally effective in
south Asian villages and American campuses. Description The process unfolds in
three stages.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The exercise is as instructive as it is entertaining. It
forces us to discover how well we can think on our feet, what we need to know
and say in order to be convincing. Moreover, reversing roles in
mid-conversation gives us insight into the thoughts and feelings of the people
we are trying to enlist. It breaks us out of polarized we/they thinking, helps
us to identify with others, and enhances our confidence and effectiveness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Think of someone with whom you find it hard to talk about
your concerns for the world and about the actions you want to take. It could be
your father or sister, your employer or lover, or even the President or the
Secretary of Defense. Assign that identity to your partner along with some
clues as to how to play the role, what responses this person might give.
Partners, feel free to ask for clarification, and let your intuition guide you,
too. Then begin the role-play. Speakers, tell this person what you see and how
you feel, and what you feel impelled to do about it. Note the sense of
awkwardness, shame, or powerlessness that may arise, and continue nonetheless.
Partners, respond in your role, keeping your replies fairly brief, so the
burden of communication is on the speaker.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Here are some guidelines for communicating our concerns,
especially with those who hold a different opinion.<o:p></o:p></div>
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1. Beware of labeling or pigeonholing the other person,<o:p></o:p></div>
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2. Acknowledge the limits of your knowledge.<o:p></o:p></div>
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3. Find common ground before examining differences.<o:p></o:p></div>
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4. Share feelings as well as facts.<o:p></o:p></div>
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5. Share your personal experience.<o:p></o:p></div>
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6. Trust the other person’s ability to learn and change over
time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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7. See yourself and the other within the larger context:<o:p></o:p></div>
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8. Remember to hold the other person with compassion,<o:p></o:p></div>
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This is a free-wheeling process within a limited time
period. Begin it by inviting people to stand at random (“popcorn” style) to
announce the plans they have hatched or clarified in the Goals and Resources
exercise. Then everyone mingles, gathering together around particular concerns
and themes. As an alternative, uses sheets of newsprint on the wall. Ask
people, after the Goals and Resources exercise, or the Consultation Groups that
follow, to post their projects or areas of concern—say, Education, Recycling,
Factory Farms, Global Warming, Multinational Corporations, Nuclear Waste,
Forests, Transportation, Homelessness, etc. The posting process itself may
result in some groupings. Then as people read and move around, they can gather
together around common concerns, and share plans and information.<o:p></o:p></div>
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An initial meditation on the Buddhist path involves
reflection on the twofold fact that: “death is certain” and “the time of death
is uncertain.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Let us close with the same suggestion that often closes our
workshops. It is a practice that is a corollary to the earlier death
meditation, in which we recognize how threatened now is each person we meet.
Look at the next person you see. It may be a lover, child, coworker, bus
driver, or your own face in the mirror. Regard him or her with the recognition
that: In this person are gifts for the healing of our world. In him or her are
powers that can redound to the joy of all beings.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This we know. The earth does not belong to man; man belongs
to the earth. This we know. All things are connected like the blood which
unites one family. All things are connected.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This we know. The earth does not belong to man; man belongs
to the earth. This we know. All things are connected like the blood which
unites one family. All things are connected. Whatever befalls the earth,
befalls the sons of the earth. Man does not weave the web of life, he is merely
a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As an architect, I am interested in systems theory and how
this theory provides ecological understanding in architectural practice. As
architectural practice moves from a mechanical worldview based on an industrial
growth society to an ecological worldview based on a life-sustaining society,
the Council of All Beings offers a bridge to designers.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Midway through the Council, a human architect stepped into
the center of the circle and heard our voices. He was receptive because he
needed to hear us. He said he was sorry for all the times he did not listen to
us. He had grown short-sighted and numb. Listening is the key. The architect’s
perception of the site/region stepped beyond the usual observer/object split to
intersubjectivity. His notion of “client” expanded to include our voices of the
site/region. Our nonhuman voices are to be at every collaborative design table
as part of the feedback loop. We beings are participants in an emergent
process, a bridge between ongoing site ecology and the built space.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007378678801620857noreply@blogger.com1