Standing in the Fire

Standing in the Fire: Leading High-Heat Meetings with Clarity, Calm, and Courage by Larry Dressler and Roger Schwarz

Here are some of my notes (I reached the clipping limit for this book – so many good gems!)…

Our fires start when challenging issues flare up in groups and mix with fuel from our own issues. Still, the lessons learned from the Mann Gulch fire ring true for us as well: You never know when a fire will ignite or shift direction. What has worked for you in the past may not work now. Successfully standing in the fire often means inventing new tools and techniques in the moment. Fire can even be your friend if you respect it and know how to use it. Ultimately, successfully standing in the fire is about developing a mindset—a way of thinking and feeling—that enables you to be calm, curious, courageous, compassionate, and flexible. Without this mindset, you are lost.

==========

Learning to stand in the fire means doing internal work. It is a discipline and a journey. The path differs for each of us, and there is more than one way to stand effectively. We need a guide to help us explore when and how we lose our balance, help us learn how to regain it, and help us develop ways of showing up with groups so we are more likely to remain calm, curious, compassionate, and courageous. That guide is what Standing in the Fire delivers.

==========

In these high-heat situations, the truly masterful change agents draw on something else—something that most leaders have invested little time and effort to cultivate. That something is who we are being while we are working with the group.

==========

It is the convener’s way of being—an attitudinal, emotional, physical, and even spiritual presence. It is a specific kind of presence that others experience as fully engaged, open, authentic, relaxed, and grounded in purpose.

==========

Since the earliest human societies, leadership has involved the act of convening—bringing diverse individuals together to pursue a common purpose. Whether you think of yourself as a process facilitator, executive leader, organizational development consultant, mediator, clergy member, educator, community organizer, or change agent, your job involves skillfully convening others in a way that helps them discover and mobilize their shared wisdom and energy.

==========

The second kind of energy can be accessed only if we can ask ourselves, Who do I want to be right now? This question ignites the energy of deliberate choice and wise action.

==========

Too often, no action was needed at all. What was needed was a facilitative leader who could serve as a steady, impartial, purposeful presence in the room, holding the space of the conversation with good humor, resoluteness, and compassion.

==========

We need fire to progress, but we also need to help people channel its heat. That’s the job of fire tenders—people who know how to bring out the life-generating, creative potential of group fire.

==========

The policy of suppression ultimately led to the demise of the company. In order to create organizations and communities in which people feel safe speaking their truth, we need leaders who are both skillful at process and who possess the capacity to remain self-aware, open, and fluid even as others struggle with dissent, confusion, and fear.

==========

As we develop greater mastery, we learn to recognize dissent and confusion as old, familiar friends. We welcome inconvenient surprises as useful fuel, and we come to view group breakdowns as the natural precursor to breakthroughs.

==========

You may see a challenging question from a group member as an insult to your authority, while another sees it as an invitation into dialogue. Still another may see it as a politically motivated move. It all depends on your habitual way of seeing things. The key is to be willing to hold your default beliefs and assumptions up for inspection, never assuming that they are the only truth in the room.

==========

Our ego fuels our need to win, to be right, to be superior. The ego is the part of us that equates our worth with our reputation and achievements. So when something about a meeting begins to go off track, and group confusion or an impasse makes the hoped-for outcomes less likely, we fear we won’t live up to our self-image. When we don’t know what to do as things become messier, we feel self-conscious and embarrassed about asking for help. We feel psychologically at risk, and this can trigger a kind of fight-or-flight response. In these moments, unless we can acknowledge that the image of ourselves we have constructed is an illusion, we remain in our own fire.

==========

Regardless of how hot the fire gets “out there” in the meeting, we have the ability to control our own thermostat. The fire does not determine how intensely we experience the heat. We determine that.

==========

The ability to choose our own internal state in the face of external heat is the essence of intentional, high-integrity leadership. It dictates whether we will be able to offer calm presence and wise action when they are most

==========

We can learn to see, hear, and sense the intense heat in groups without taking it on ourselves. We don’t need to be impervious or above it all. Nor do we need to avoid having our hot buttons pushed. Our buttons will get pushed. Our personal vulnerabilities will appear as they show up in the group’s dynamic, like a mirror into our psyche. But we don’t have to act on them. Nor do we need to suppress them.

==========

When you are leading groups, what causes you to feel defensive, impatient, or anxious? What internal narratives and beliefs are connected with these feelings? What are the unrealistic or perfectionist expectations you have of yourself as a meeting convener? In what situations do you begin to feel stressed or vulnerable because you are not living up to those expectations?

==========

As you go about your daily and weekly activities, notice which interactions have heat and what form it takes. Where are you noticing high levels of passion and conviction? Where do things appear to be contentious or personal? When do you notice the absence of fire in group interactions? Notice your judgments and emotions as you observe and participate in the heat of daily interactions.

==========

We must become fire tenders—people who can stand in the face of incendiary conflicts and perplexing challenges and help others hold the tensions, emotions, and uncertainties long enough to arrive at new insights and common ground.

==========

A common misconception is that we need to keep the peace in our institutions by suppressing anything that is controversial, loud, emotional, or potentially polarizing. Anything that might spark a conflict is discouraged. But attempts to prevent or suppress uncertainty, conflict, and emotion produce what fire experts call a “fuel buildup”—a condition that contributes to large, highly destructive fires.

==========

Masterful fire tenders have many ways to stand effectively in the fire: As the fire forces them to face their own self-limiting ways of thinking, emotional hot buttons, and ego, they stand with deep self-awareness. When others become mired in remembrances of past failures and predictions of impending disaster, they stand in the present, grounded in the here and now. Adroit fire tenders will not allow judgments and biases to cloud what they see and choose to do from moment to moment. This is the stance of receptivity, or “open-mindedness.” In the face of confusion and uncertainty, masterful fire tenders remain in service to the group’s purpose, standing with clarity about what they must stand for in the moment. As surprises and disruptions occur, great fire tenders respond with the fluidity, spontaneity, and grace of a dancer. When individual or group dynamics become distasteful or uncomfortable to witness, consummate fire tenders find a way to sustain compassion, standing with a wide-open heart.

==========

They commit to a lifelong journey of self-understanding and personal practice. They don’t aspire to a state of perfection. Their goal is simply to bring their full, most conscious, and deliberate self to each interaction in order to serve as an instrument for positive change.

==========

The path to becoming a truly effective instrument of change is in the conscious tending of our own fires—attending to what is going on inside us in order to clearly see and intentionally assist in the unfolding of what is happening outside us.

==========

Can you recall a time when your beliefs, assumptions, or emotions got in the way of working effectively in a high-heat situation? What did you learn about yourself?

==========

Stand with self-awareness Stand in the here and now Stand with an open mind Know what you stand for Dance with surprises Stand with compassion

==========

Self-awareness is the foundation for wise action.

==========

With more self-awareness I might have recognized myself shrinking back, named what was happening, and quickly huddled with the meeting chair to discuss the implications of the mayor’s unanticipated presentation. (Amanda’s note: reminds me of guardian and host in Circle.)

==========

Each moment in the fire is a teacher if we stand in front of the mirror. How do we stay alert to our mental, emotional, and physical states during high-heat moments? The capacities that enable us to maintain a high level of moment-to-moment self-awareness while standing in the fire are self-observation, whole-body sensing, and reflective processing.

==========

Self-observation involves asking ourselves a basic question: What’s up with me? The purpose of the question is to name thoughts and feelings that may be percolating only at the periphery of our consciousness but are having an impact on how we show up in our work.

==========

When we get triggered, the reaction shows up first in our bodies. For this reason, physical sensations can carry important information. Specific emotions generate particular patterns of sensation in our bodies. These somatic reactions are noticeable before the emotion is.

==========

Here are additional reflective questions that help us examine our inferences and perceptions: What belief or perspective (about others, myself, the situation) do I feel attached to right now? Is this belief supported by the facts? Do the facts also support alternative ways of seeing this? What are the implications of this being true? What will it mean to me if this is not true? What is my motivation for being right about this? In what way does this belief strengthen or undermine my ability to show up at my best right now? In what ways does this belief enable me to help the group achieve its purpose?

==========

Some reflective questions that enable us to heighten our awareness when we are triggered include: What just precipitated this emotion in me? What is the story I am telling myself to justify or maintain this emotion? Am I meeting the group’s needs or my own in this moment? If being in this emotional state isn’t in service to the group, what is keeping me from doing something about it? When I am in this emotional state, which of my gifts do I deny the group?

==========

When you notice yourself feeling impatient, fearful, disconnected, or resentful, what are the beliefs at work? What unconscious “shadow” beliefs have you become aware of over the past year? What impact have they had on your work in groups? What physical sensations are your “early warning signals” to the possibility that you have been triggered in a meeting? What do these symptoms indicate you might be feeling? What early experiences in your life make you particularly vigilant (even subconsciously) and easily triggered by certain group dynamics or group member behavior?

==========

Make a list of the kinds of people, events, or situations that trigger a strong emotional reaction in you. Describe the precipitating event, the emotion that is triggered within you, and the kinds of behaviors you are prone to when acting on this emotion. Next to each hot button, make a note about any beliefs you have that support the emotional response. Think back to any life experiences during which the justifying belief might have been developed or reinforced. Finally, identify alternative ways to interpret the precipitating event that might result in a different emotional response.

==========

Standing in the here and now is less about staying in the present moment and more about continuously bringing ourselves back to the present as we notice regret and worry attempting to commandeer our consciousness.

==========

How do you experience the difference between thinking about your next move in a meeting and worrying that something bad is going to happen? How about the difference between reflecting on the past as a teacher versus dwelling in self-criticism or blame? What makes stillness a challenge for you when things heat up in your meetings?

==========

Choose a setting, preferably one with people in it. It can be your local coffee house, a park, or perhaps a dinner party. Experiment with immersing all of your senses in what is happening in the moment. First extend each of your physical senses into the space. What are you seeing and hearing? What are you feeling on the surface of your skin? What do you smell and taste? As thoughts and interpretations of what is happening come to your mind, simply notice them and move your attention back to your experience in the present. Now notice whether you are picking up on an emotional energy. Don’t try to analyze it or put words to it. Simply feel what is in the air. Just feel it. What was it like to immerse yourself deeply in the moment? How challenging was it to quiet your mind and simply let your senses experience the here and now? How might this serve you in your leadership and facilitation?

==========

I’m not listening with the idea of deciding whether they are right or wrong, but trying to see the way they construct their world. —Roger Schwarz

==========

At times, the facilitator is the only person in the room who is not closing down, rejecting alternative ways of seeing, and losing hope of what might be accomplished. Our ability as facilitators to hold an unwavering stance of not knowing— while maintaining a sense of inquiry and optimism—is often the critical factor enabling a group to move beyond conflict and distress.

==========

When we stand with receptivity to what is unfolding in the group, we must be willing to release our hold on our own certainty and say these three words: I don’t know. Receptivity requires of us a willingness to experience the discomfort that occurs when there is a gap between our “truth” and that of others. Fundamentally, standing with this kind of openness involves deciding that it is more important to be of service than to be correct or comfortable.

==========

Standing with an open mind as we face the fire of conflict involves creating space for contradictions to coexist. This means learning to live with our discomfort and uncertainty. The educator Parker Palmer describes this as patiently “holding the tension of the opposites.”3 He says that we need to learn to resist the urge to resolve them too quickly, allowing those tensions to “pull us open” into new insights and paths of action.

==========

Humility is not the “aw shucks” self-deprecating, falsely modest, submissive stance that many of us associate with the word. Think of humility as the sustained embodiment of a basic belief: What I see and know is only a part of the total picture.

==========

It is liberating to walk into a volatile group situation knowing that we do not have to be smarter or more capable than everyone else in the room. We become alert and open to the counsel of those around us. If we are open and wise enough to ask the opinions of the group, their intuition, courage, and clarity can be the difference between harnessing the power of group fire and having things burn to ashes.

==========

One way I remind myself about humility is to bow when I enter a meeting room. A jazz drummer and spiritual teacher named Jerry Granelli taught me this. Jerry explained that the bow represents our humility before the larger world and the group. It is what martial artists do before entering the dojo, the place of learning.

==========

The bow is hardly noticeable to anyone else, but it is a powerful way to remind myself that I am in the presence of people who possess their own hard-earned expertise, innate wisdom, shared aspirations, and the courage to gather to do difficult work.

==========

Curiosity begins when we value not knowing. This mindset is the key to creativity and discovery. Instead of looking for evidence to support our opinions, we look with fresh eyes. Instead of defending our interpretations, we ask questions. The more we learn to live with not having the answers, the more curious we become and the more we can respect and welcome the struggles that groups face.

==========

When we can face the fire of people challenging our competence and expertise with a spirit of receptivity and inquiry, we change the spirit of the whole room. When we can stand with curiosity and optimism in a room filled with self-righteousness and cynicism, we are doing the transformational work of fire tending.

==========

In what kinds of circumstances do you tend to feel a sense of self-righteousness, defensiveness, or superiority? When were you able to tap in to your own curiosity in the face of disturbing or confusing contributions from participants? Do you find it easy to hold possibility in a room filled with people who are expressing cynicism, fear, despair, or resignation? What helps you to be the steward of possibility in such moments?

==========

Tune in to your most despised radio or television political commentator, the person whose views really get under your skin. Sit down and listen for thirty minutes and notice what you feel. Listen to your judgments. Feel the emotions and physical sensations that well up. Now get curious about what this person thinks and why. What if you didn’t try to prove those opinions right or wrong? If you really wanted to understand what makes this commentator tick, what questions would you ask?

==========

When we are leading, comfort and convenience can’t be our compass points. We need a way of orienting ourselves that is connected to something more compelling than self-protection and more inspiring than self-ambition.

==========

Your guiding intention for any meeting consists of your answers to the following questions: What am I here to contribute in the world? What principles guide my work? Who am I here for? What does the group want to achieve? What is and is not my job in this meeting?

==========

Our principles are our highest, most firmly held beliefs about how we want to work in, and walk through, the world.

==========

Here is a partial list of the principles that ground my work and that help me when I begin to feel anxious or lost. These are not ideas I invented. They have been given to me by many teachers over many years. Surprises are a given. If I could predict them, they wouldn’t be surprises. The specifics of any plan I go in to the meeting with are likely to become obsolete. The wisdom is already in the system—I simply help to create conditions through which the group’s wisdom might be revealed. Hearing all the voices, including those with fewer numbers and less power, is essential to a creative and inclusive process. When people act out toward me in anger or fear, it’s almost never about me. It’s not personal. To the extent that I can embody peace and receptivity, I can be a catalyst for transformation in the room and in the larger world.

==========

In advance of any meeting, I ask myself, Who am I here to serve?

==========

We have to keep in mind that who we are here to serve is not always the same as who hired us. Sometimes who we are here to serve is not even in the room.

==========

you need to be firmly rooted in what the group says it wants to achieve. In the midst of confusion and conflict, your ability to connect quickly with the group’s purpose is essential to knowing what you stand for.

==========

“Venezuela was on the brink of a bloody civil war, and I was told I would have fifteen minutes with Chavez and members of his Cabinet,” Ury recalls. Just before the meeting Ury went to the garden courtyard of his Caracas bed and breakfast to reflect on his guiding intention. “As I sat there in the garden, I decided that I would sacrifice my opportunity to give advice and instead just listen to Chavez. I also decided that my focus would be on the children of Venezuela—preserving their ability to grow up in a peaceful country.

==========

Our commitments not only guide us in what we say yes to but also inform us when we need to say no to others and to ourselves. As a result of the commitments I make to myself, I more often say no to my own defensive tendencies. I say no to leaders who want to hold meetings in order to create the illusion of inclusion rather than the real thing. I say no to my own desire to stick with the agenda when something else is emerging that the group wishes to address.

==========

In what situations have you maintained your integrity and authenticity despite the pressures to abandon yourself? In what kinds of situations do you tend to choose caution and comfort over making the right move? In these moments, is there a higher principle you let go of?

==========

What are you committed to that you would not compromise in your work? in your life?

==========

Find a quiet place to sit with a partner. Provide your partner with these three questions: (1) Who are you? (2) What have you chosen to stand for in your life? (3) What are you here to contribute in the world? Ask your partner to spend ten minutes asking you each question. During each ten-minute period your partner’s only role is to listen very carefully to your responses and then pose the same question again. He or she should make no commentary or attempt to probe deeper. After ten minutes your partner should move on to the second question, and then ten minutes later to the third. Take an additional thirty minutes to describe to your partner what you learned. What were the more superficial, ego-driven, or socially acceptable answers you had to break through to get to deeper, more authentic statements about yourself? What was empowering about this? What was scary? What did you learn about what your higher purpose is and is not?

==========

I have had to accept the law of the trickster. A creature in many shamanic traditions, the trickster serves as a rather sneaky teacher. Just when we think we are on the road to achieving our goals, the trickster throws us a curve ball, a snowball, or a fur ball—something completely unexpected that we have no idea how to catch, let alone hold on to. In the context of meetings, the trickster might appear in the form of a participant who acts in ways you label “illogical” or “inappropriate.” The trickster can also appear in the form of events or circumstances (perhaps a snowstorm or the illness of a key participant) that disrupt a well-honed plan. The trickster very often appears in the form of a key insight the group stumbles upon, an insight that needs more time— time you don’t have.

==========

When we get surprised, it’s easy for us to dig in and become rigid, self-protective, or positional in our thinking. Each response is an indicator that we are attached to something. That something is often a belief about what should be happening. We should be able to assure the outcome of this meeting and spare participants discomfort and distress. If a plan is good, we should not have to change it. People should be more logical and less emotional. They should communicate concisely and show up on time. We should be able to quickly put things back on track when they get messy.

==========

Here’s a useful exercise: During the course of your daily routine, notice when you become impatient or lose your sense of perspective.

==========

In order to stand and move with the flow, we need to examine our attachments—the beliefs that we want to hold on to and the things we feel entitled to. Whether or not we admit it, many of us are attached to being liked and being viewed as an expert. We want to be needed. As mentioned earlier, we also become attached to certain expectations of how people should act and how things should go in our meetings. When these attachments get in the way of our adapting, they hinder our effectiveness as leaders and facilitators.

==========

To let go is to hold these beliefs and expectations lightly and be willing to release them when it serves your guiding intention. Letting go involves first recognizing the things to which you feel attached, naming them, and then loosening your psychological grip. One facilitator we interviewed discovered he was once strongly attached to his agenda. “The more I tried to convince them of the rightness of my agenda,” he said, “the more they resisted. Finally, when I realized what I was doing and expressed openness to refining the agenda, people’s resistance dropped away.”3

==========

Building our capacity to play means learning to view chaos, confusion, and conflict as partners rather than foes. To be playful is to approach our role with lightheartedness. We can take the work seriously, but we don’t have to take ourselves too seriously.

==========

One belief that has helped me become much more playful in my work facilitating high-stakes meetings is the notion that there is no “one right move” in any given situation—that many options will work.

==========

Rather than become resentful, anxious, or distracted by surprises, we need to learn to dance with them—to invite these uninvited guests into our meeting and welcome the creative possibilities they offer.

==========

When has surrendering to the realities of difficult people, behaviors, or circumstances enabled you to adapt in ways that served the group? What strongly held beliefs and expectations about yourself tend to undermine your ability to be flexible? Who are the tricksters in your life—the people and events that have taught you about flexibility and have revealed your patterns of rigidity, judgment, and control?

==========

To what do you feel attached? To what part of your public image (say, neatness) do you feel strongly attached? To what material things (for example, books) do you feel strongly attached? To what comforts (maybe a hot shower each morning) do you feel strongly attached? To what daily or weekly routines (a morning bagel perhaps) do you feel strongly attached? Give up one of these for a week. If being neat is important, stop combing your hair before you go out. If you are attached to hot showers, turn up the cold water for a week. Notice what emotions and beliefs come to the surface. In the process, notice what other attachments you discover. For the weeks that follow this exercise, keep three lists: Things I need to believe about myself Things I need to do Things I think should happen

==========

As change agents working in emotionally volatile situations, our goal is not to extinguish or become impervious to unpleasant feelings. Our goal is to learn to feel human fear and heartbreak without defaulting into a fight-or-flight mode.

==========

We know our hearts are closing when: We feel superior to others We feel numb to what is occurring We feel judgmental, impatient, or irritated with ourselves or others We are unkind or even hurtful toward ourselves and others We dismiss or ignore certain people We silently label people with words like inappropriate, manipulative, or dumb We decide we know someone’s motives, character, or competency We are intimidated by or deferent to certain people These responses diminish the kind of safety and trust we hope to create in our meetings. Amanda’s note: lots to reflect on here.

==========

The repression and denial of emotions can become a form of learned apathy. The Greek word apatheia means “nonsuffering,” or the inability to experience pain. Though it sounds like an appealing state, cloaking our hearts has profoundly negative consequences. Anesthetizing ourselves to the world of emotions requires a huge amount of energy and disables us from understanding what is truly happening in the room.

==========

Our hearts close against others mainly because of our projections. We are projecting when we assign our qualities, moods, and motives to other people. What we reject in ourselves, we reject in others. What we admire in ourselves, we admire in others. We use projection to keep us blind to certain parts of ourselves we don’t want to see. We might think “That person is playing politics” as a way to deny the part of us that is politically motivated or manipulative. We might decide “This is a very angry and dysfunctional person” as we deny the anger in ourselves. If we are not aware that we are projecting, the stories we create about others can quickly carry us into negative stances like distrust and arrogance.

==========

The Hebrew word for compassion is rachamim, which shares the same linguistic root as the word rechem, meaning “womb.”1 In this light, “compassion” suggests the human connection and tenderness associated with motherhood. It is a connection that transcends physical separateness and that even in the most difficult times enables us to draw on our capacity for forgiveness and kindness.

==========

When I came back into the room, I watched my colleague inquire into the fears and doubts of those expressing skepticism. Soon others began to express similar worries. I remembered my own struggles speaking up to people in authority and was able to share some of those with the group. Within an hour, people seemed excited to get on with the training. They’d felt reassured that all of their fears, hopes, and concerns had been heard. I had acknowledged their humanity and in doing so, remembered my own.

==========

Learning to stand with compassion is a lifelong endeavor. Just when we think we are the embodiment of open-heartedness in our life and work, a new, challenging person walks into the room and reminds us of those aspects of ourselves with which we still struggle.

==========

Emotional openness means opening our hearts to difficult as well as pleasurable emotions and feeling them fully—observing and experiencing them—without allowing those emotions to carry us away. When we can open our heart up to joy, hope, and passion, we are more able to stoke the creative energy of group fire. When we allow our heart to feel pain, suffering, and despair, we unleash the cleansing and restorative potential of group fire. When we can feel the wide range of emotions without melting into fight or flight, gently cradling our own heart, we become a cradle for the heart of everyone in the room.

==========

Every label we assign, every judgment we make, every feeling we have, is an opportunity to look inside and ask, What part of me am I projecting in this moment? What part of me needs to be identified and accepted?

==========

We too quickly forget that every person who walks into the room has a larger life story.

==========

Seeing the whole person doesn’t mean learning the life story and motivations of every participant with whom we work. Instead, it involves an ongoing awareness that each person we encounter is much more than the person who is showing up in that moment, in that meeting, on that day. We strengthen our capacity for compassion when we can hold this question as a mantra: Who else is this person?

==========

The term unconditional positive regard originated with psychotherapy pioneer Carl Rogers. It refers to an unwavering support and acceptance of people as worthy of our respect, regardless of what they are doing in the moment. Extending this kind of positive regard means approaching difficult behaviors without ridicule or criticism. This doesn’t mean that we have to agree with or condone everything that people do.

==========

When I find my heart closing and patience and compassion fading away, I often say one of these statements to myself in order to reconnect with my regard for the person: I respect you as the unique individual I am coming to know. I respect that you have a different way of looking at things. I respect that you react differently than I might want you to. I respect that you came here to do this difficult work. I respect that this is a moment in which it’s normal to struggle.

==========

What enables you to maintain an open, compassionate heart in the presence of others who are acting in ways you find to be distasteful or who are undermining the goals of the meeting?

==========

What do people do that hooks you in meetings? What qualities and behaviors do you find difficult to accept in others? In what ways might they be connected to qualities within yourself that you have not yet accepted? Who in your life currently gives you unconditional positive regard? What do you feel when you are with them?

==========

The Deep Democracy practitioner Myrna Lewis suggested this activity.6 Think of the last meeting participant who really annoyed you in some way. This is a person in whose presence you felt a shortage of neutrality and compassion. Now pair up with a partner and play the role of this person. Really exaggerate the person’s words, tone, facial expressions, and physical gestures. Even if you become uncomfortable with the level of exaggeration, continue the role-play. If you carry on being this person, you will discover a part of yourself that this person represents. Take time to debrief with your partner and reflect on the aspects of this person with which you identify.

==========

For facilitators of high-heat meetings, meditation teaches us to get comfortable with restlessness, excitement, worry, judgment, and other disruptive inventions of the mind. Mindfulness meditation teaches us to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment and then to return to our focus on the breath. In high-heat situations, this can be an invaluable practice for avoiding being swept up in the emotion and intensity of the group.

==========

PEER MENTOR RELATIONSHIPS A peer mentor is a trusted colleague with whom you meet on a regular schedule, say every four to six weeks. If your goal is to work specifically on building your self-awareness of mental habits, emotional hot buttons, and ego, then that should be the agreed-upon focus of the inquiry. Among the questions you might ask each other are: When do you typically feel overwhelmed, insecure, resistant, or resentful in the meetings you facilitate? What beliefs or assumptions are operating when you experience these states? How true are these beliefs? In what ways do these beliefs support or undermine your ability to be in service to the group and to lead with integrity? What beliefs about yourself in your work tend to get you into

==========

Those sitting in the circle are forbidden from speaking to the focus person in any way except to ask an honest, open question aimed at helping the focus person deepen his or her understanding of the problem. No advice, reassurances, or problem fixing is permitted—just questions and silent reflection.

==========

The practice of compassion breathing involves identifying anything that feels distasteful, painful, or distressing. Instead of attempting to repress or deny it, we breathe it in and connect with it fully. As we breathe in the suffering and grief—our own and that of others—we let the heaviness of the in-breath pass through the nose, throat, lungs, and heart, not holding on to it but letting it flow through the body. We breathe in the suffering not only as our own specific experience but also as part of the larger human condition. In doing so, we feel a kinship with the larger web of life. On the out-breath we send out a wish for happiness, relaxation, or whatever will relieve the suffering that we breathed in. As we exhale, we do so with a sense of openness and relief.

==========

An affirmation is an authentic, heartfelt declaration of what you want to contribute in the world, the gifts you offer, or the future you want to bring into being. Peggy Holman, a convener of Open Space meetings, has had a daily affirmation practice since 1986. She chooses one or two affirmations to work on for a period of one year. Over the years, her affirmations have evolved into questions.

==========

An affirmation is more powerful if it is personal. You can write your own affirmation by following these steps: 1. Take some time to write three to four sentences answering these questions: What qualities, gifts, motives, and callings do you want to be reminded of each day? What are you here to contribute in the world? Think about the person in your life who is your most avid supporter and cheerleader. In your moment of greatest self-doubt, what would you want this person to whisper in your ear? 2. Now, craft these ideas into a three- to four-line affirmation— a statement that will fit on a piece of paper as big as a business card. Print out a pocket-size version to keep with you. 3. Commit to thirty days of reciting it out loud every day until you know it like you know your own name.

==========

The process consultant Chris Grant suggests that we all make a point of regularly participating in meetings as non-facilitator, non-leader members—as just part of the gang. This practice heightens our sensitivity to what it means to participate in a group process. As group members, we gain empathy and appreciation for what it is like to attempt to influence others, struggle with differences, and conform to a process someone else designed.

==========

Another heat-exposing practice is one I call stepping into your allergy zone. It involves seeking out ideas and people we might otherwise avoid. These are ideas and people we tend to experience as uncomfortable, distasteful, and even offensive. Attend public talks by people who hold viewpoints opposed to yours. Listen to radio programs with commentators who make you want to scream when you are alone in your car. Pay attention to encounters with friends and family members who express opinions you might label “stupid,” “outdated,” even “bigoted.” In all these cases, take time to inquire sincerely and openly into their beliefs and assumptions. Notice your internal judgments and reactions. How open are you to what is being said? What is your level of curiosity? What are the ways in which you can acknowledge a very different viewpoint without having to agree with it?

==========

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION What is the role of “practice” in your life? What practices do you do with intention and consistency, and how do they contribute to your health, effectiveness, and happiness? Which of your current ongoing practices prepare and support you in your work with high-stakes, high-heat groups? What purpose is served by each of these practices? What new ongoing practices are you considering? What benefits do you hope to gain from each of these practices?

==========

What are the practices and rituals for coming into a meeting space that support a grounded presence, clear purpose, and authentic way of leading? There are four categories of practices for preparing to lead, and to engage in them you must: Connect with the self Connect with the space Connect with the participants Connect with a larger world

==========

Before the meeting it’s easy to focus on logistics and the agenda. This is a mistake. Just prior to the meeting at least 50 percent of our focus should be on affirming who we need to be in order to help the group achieve its purpose. This is because who shows up as the meeting convener is as powerful an intervention as any technique or methodology.

==========

Over the years, the time I take for introspection just prior to a meeting has become so important that if there are no other options, I will take refuge in my car or a toilet stall for even five minutes of final centering.

==========

1. Choose two to four people (they can be dead, alive, heroes, teachers, friends, or whoever else you want) that you need in the room today. 2. Close your eyes and mentally position them around the edges of the room. 3. Take a moment and let each of these people speak and declare your gifts and abilities.

==========

Find a quiet place to stand, if possible outdoors or in front of a window so that you feel connected with the sky and the ground. Stand with your knees slightly bent, legs shoulder-width apart, and rest both hands on your belly just above your navel. Take a minute or two to feel the soles of your feet firmly in contact with the ground. This is the solid ground of your intention. Then silently review four questions: What am I here to contribute in the world? Who am I here to serve today? What is the purpose I am here to help them achieve? What principles and beliefs will enable me to lead with integrity and in the spirit of service?

==========

How do you place yourself and your work in the context of the larger world? In what ways does your work connect with a bigger view of the universe or a higher calling?

==========

This is a template for a personal meditation that can be used before a meeting or even during a break: I honor the shared intention that people have for today’s gathering, which is . . . As I prepare for this gathering, I am deeply grateful for . . . I recognize others who have or are currently engaged in similar efforts throughout the world . . . I acknowledge that . . . are beyond my influence and control today. As I let go of . . . I hold on to faith in the belief that . . . Whether through a practice of gratitude or prayer, connecting with a larger world helps place us into a larger context. As the leadership and spiritual teacher Robert Gass said, “We are but leaves blowing in the wind.”5 In other words, we must arrive at our meetings grounded in the belief that there is knowledge beyond our current knowing, there is influence beyond our current influence, there are possibilities beyond our current ability to see.

==========

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION What pre-meeting practices and rituals currently strengthen your ability to be an effective fire tender? What new practices for connecting with yourself just before the meeting starts might you consider? What new practices for connecting with the physical space might you consider? What new practices might assist you in establishing a more authentic and human connection with the people in the groups you facilitate? What new practices would assist you in connecting with the larger world or the spiritual dimension of your work?

==========

The goal of attending is simply to notice what we are experiencing from moment to moment. Too often in high-intensity situations we become disembodied: we function completely in our heads and become cut off from any physical sensation.

==========

Naming is shorthand for acknowledging that we have been triggered and for identifying the feelings and judgments we are having in the moment. For example, I might notice that my hands are clenched or my heart is racing. This enables me to name that I am feeling anxious.

==========

When we encounter an uncomfortable physical or emotional state, the most basic question is often the most helpful: What’s up with me?

==========

But just because we get hit with a strong emotion doesn’t necessarily mean we need to take action. Pausing involves experiencing and appreciating this energy—observing it but not acting on it. The pause is a conscious choice not to act on the voice of self-protection and impulsiveness.

==========

The moment of pausing is like standing at the crossroads of two responses. The first road leads to a defensive or ego-induced response. The motivation is psychological comfort. The second road leads to wise and deliberate choice.

==========

When you’re feeling confused or distracted by what is happening in a meeting, ask yourself these three questions: Who am I here for, and what is their purpose? What is my job and what is not my job in this setting? What has integrity for me right now?

==========

When you feel disconnected from your purpose, you can take a shoulder-wide stance, bend your knees slightly, and place a hand on your belly. Others will be unaware that you are inducing a state of heightened awareness and physically locating your internal gyroscope.

==========

During your next few meetings, experiment with your physical way of being and notice how your mindset and emotional state shift almost instantaneously. Feel the soles of your feet in contact with the ground. Pull your shoulders back and open your pelvis. Relax your jaw and lift your head. Straighten your back, extending the top of your head toward the sky. Smile. Let your in-breath go all the way down to your belly. Change the volume and tone of your voice. Stop talking.

==========

Another reframing I have found to be useful moves me out of a narrative of victimhood (“They are messing up my meeting, so I’m forced to crack the whip”) and into a narrative of choice (“I am choosing to hold stricter boundaries in service to the group’s purpose”).

==========

One of the most common distinctions people fail to make is between differing viewpoints versus conflicting ones. People waste immeasurable time in meetings because they get into debates about different perspectives, not realizing that those perspectives are not incompatible and can be easily combined. A fire tender alert to this distinction will be less susceptible to this unnecessarily divisive dynamic and can aid the group in finding common ground.

==========

Make a list of three to five of your most important and inspiring advisers. Next to each of their names write down one or two sentences of their wisdom. Try to capture their teaching using words they might have used if they were speaking with you. Let this be the start of a “wisdom journal,” which we will discuss in the next chapter.

==========

In the context of recovering during a meeting, an affirmation should not focus on the outcome of the meeting but, rather, on the state we want to be in to be of service to the group. So, we might say to ourselves, “I am the wide-open heart” if we want to shift our state toward more compassion.

==========

For example, “Yes, I misused my authority. And if there were more trust in my being, what would it feel like?” Here is the two-step process: 1. Acknowledge the negative message with a yes, taking in the true parts of the message in without resistance. 2. Affirm the quality or capacity you want to cultivate by adding and plus the question: “If there were more [of this quality] in my being, what would it feel like?”

==========

I suggest you begin by using everyday interactions with family members, friends, colleagues, and clients to practice these approaches to in-the-moment state shifting. The more you look for them, the more you’ll find the opportunities to practice recovering when you are grabbed by everyday events.

==========

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION What are the specific physical and behavioral warning signals that your hot buttons are being pushed? What are the more subtle signals that precede the ones you just identified? Can you think of a time when you named the hot button that had just been pushed, or when you consciously noticed that you were having some kind of emotional reaction, and you made a conscious choice to say and do nothing? What came out of the space you created in that moment? What practices do you currently use to shift your state from a reactive one to a clear and more deliberate way of being?

Walk Out Walk On

Walk Out Walk On: A Learning Journey into Communities Daring to Live the Future Now by Margaret Wheatley and Deborah Frieze

Here are a few of my notes…

The whole globe is shook up, so what are you going to do when things are falling apart? You’re either

going to become more fundamentalist and try to hold things together, or you’re going to forsake the old ambitions and goals and live life as an experiment, making it up as you go along. —Pema Chödrön

==========

We’ll see that lasting change doesn’t start from the top of a system, but from deep inside it, when people step forward to solve a problem, then move on to the next issue that needs addressing. We’ll see how much becomes possible when we abandon hope of being saved by the perfect leader or the perfect program, and instead look inside our community to notice that the resources and wisdom we need are already here.

==========

Are you willing to risk being changed by this journey?

==========

Confusing moments are wonderful opportunities to observe our minds more closely. If something’s provoked or startled me, it’s because I assumed something different was true. I thought things worked like this, but now I’m not so sure. …

==========

Because when we seek to scale things up, we move vertically, we presume linear time, we build on what has come before. But constant forward progress is an illusion. In reality, life is cyclical, undulating in loops and waves, two steps forward, one step back—and a whole lot of steps sideways.

==========

RASA is not only about inventing technologies for urban agriculture. It’s about weaving together people who wish to reunite Oaxaqueños with their food sovereignty, which means their right to decide for themselves what they eat and their ability to produce it. They do this by inviting people to share their skills, to garden together, and to have a good time. In the language of Unitierra, what RASA is up to is co-motion rather than promotion: spreading ideas through contagion rather than pushing people in a particular direction.

==========

Suppose that there are no universal solutions to global problems—like poverty, hunger, or environmental destruction. Suppose that the kind of large-scale systems change that many of us have been yearning for emerges when local actions get connected globally—while preserving their deeply local culture, flavor, and form. What if people working at the local level were able to learn from one another, practice together, and share their knowledge—freely and fluidly—with communities anywhere? This is the nature of trans-local learning, and it happens when separate, local efforts connect with each other, then grow and transform as people exchange ideas that together give rise to new systems with greater impact and influence.

==========

But we believed that for an idea or innovation to be meaningful and lasting, it needed to arise from the unique conditions of people and place. As Meg Wheatley often reminded us at our gatherings, people only support what they create.

==========

French winemakers use the term terroir to describe the unique characteristics that place bestows on each varietal. It is what makes us desire champagne from France, coffee from Kenya, cigars from Cuba, and sourdough from San Francisco. The word itself means something like “a sense of place,” which emerges from the unique qualities of soil, climate, and topography.

==========

Modern winemakers have learned to embrace the notion of scaling across: the movement around the world of winemaking practices and techniques that have preserved deep reverence for the uniqueness of place, for the gift of terroir that today has generated bountiful flavors, styles, and vintages on five continents.

==========

In other words, conventional wisdom tells us to use the same irrigation, measure out the same slant of hillside, and plonk down our grapes. And then somehow we’re surprised when the wine tastes bad.

==========

In fact, it only takes a little bit of digging to discover that even in corporations, exchanging best practices often doesn’t work. What does work is when teams from one organization travel to another and, through that experience, see themselves more clearly, strengthen their relationships, and renew their creativity.

==========

When I was in business school, “scaling up” was how most of us thought about growth. We understood it to mean adding more parts where the parts all look the same. And we assumed that most systems were ripe for replication, that one size could fit all. It hadn’t occurred to me at the time that this approach was problematic—especially in the context of communities.

==========

But a single model cannot account for the differences between urban and rural communities or between Mexicans and Americans. In the context of community change, our work is to foster networks of relationships through which ideas and beliefs can travel, adapt, evolve, and grow. We’re not ignoring scaling up; we’re resisting it because we’ve found that for most communities, it doesn’t work. Scaling across invites communities to learn from one another and solve their own problems in their own particular way.

==========

What these many success stories reveal is that change happens differently than many of us imagine. It doesn’t happen from top-down support, or elaborate plans, or from the best-practice or franchise model. It happens as small local efforts create and develop solutions that then travel freely through networks of relationship.

==========

Scaling up relies on another assumption, one that is fervently believed, but rarely true in experience. The assumption is that people do what they’re told. So instructions get issued, policies get pronounced. When we don’t follow them, bosses just create more. When we still fail to obey, we’re labeled as resistant or lazy. Consider your own experience. How do you feel when someone presents you with a finished plan or outline, when the steps, the curriculum, the process are set down in great detail? Do you gratefully accept it, excited to implement it to the letter of the law? Or do you poke holes in it, noticing where it needs changing, where you disagree?

==========

If you’ve done any of these things, you’re just like the rest of us. People don’t support things that are forced on them. We don’t act responsibly on behalf of plans and programs created without us. We resist being changed, not change itself.

==========

People often say, “We don’t want to waste time reinventing the wheel.” But we do need to reinvent the wheel. And it’s never a waste of time. What we learn from others’ successful innovations is that wheels are possible. What others invent can inspire us to become inventive, can show us what’s achievable. Then we have to take it from there.

==========

People eagerly support those things we’ve had a hand in creating; we’re motivated to keep going by discovering for ourselves what works (and what doesn’t). Engaged with others in problem solving, inventing, and learning, we discover that we’re creative, caring, intelligent. When we have the chance to meet with other wheel inventors, our energy, confidence, and boldness grow and grow.

==========

Like Brazil’s fruit, nobody knows exactly how many favelas there are, or how many people live in them. What we do know is that their growth is also relentless, and that there are enough of them to assume that when it comes to transforming life in a favela, no one is coming to help. Instead, the residents of Brazil’s tenements must rely on their own fertile imaginations, their own capacity to generate the possibility of a different world. Which is why Edgard, Rodrigo, and Mariana are inviting the residents of Paquetá, its children, parents and grandparents—those who have been branded illiterate, apathetic, and in need—to attend a two-day urban planning conference.

==========

Of course, every game has rules, and Edgard offers these four: 1. Whatever we build has to be simple, accessible, and easy. 2. It can’t cost anything—whatever tools and materials we might need, we’ll have to find a way to obtain without paying for them. 3. The product has to be something that we create collectively and with our hands. (It can’t be an idea.) 4. It has to meet a real need in the community—as defined by the community.

==========

In the words of Brazilian educator Paulo Freire: I am convinced that in order for us to create something, we need to start creating. We cannot wait to create tomorrow, but we have to start creating. I am sure that in trying to create something inside of history we have to begin to have some dreams. If you don’t have any kind of dream I am sure it’s impossible to create something.

==========

Everything is a constant process of discovery and creation. Messes happen. Sometimes one person builds half a wall and then someone else comes along and tears it down to start another. Redundancy happens. There is chaos and confusion—and there is also laughter and joy and pride.

==========

We have expertise. But instead of relying on our expertise, we all pitch in wherever we can, and a community is rediscovered. Together, we become garbage collectors and ditch diggers and bricklayers—side-by-side with the eight-year-olds and eighty-year-olds who will be visiting this garden every day.

==========

Gently, he explained to me how his approach would stabilize the stairway and make it last longer. How with a few more hands, we’d be able to get it done quickly. And that without the hard work I had already put in, he would not have seen what he could create. Yes, play creates chaos and redundancy and confusion. But it also creates the space in which we invent together, we inspire each other, and we talk through our differences. I continue to be grateful today for the messes we made in the children’s garden.

==========

When the old recipe is used, you may be surprised to discover what’s happened to your creation twelve months down the road or so. No one is using the community center or someone has ripped the planks off the benches in the public square. This is to be expected—no one bothered to ask the community members what they thought their needs might be. No one invited them to talk about their own dreams and experiment with bringing them to fruition.

==========

Play returns us to a state in which we can see what’s possible—not what’s so. When we look through the eyes of play, we see a children’s garden; when we look through the eyes of power, we see only trash.

==========

The Oasis Game disrupts the power differential between the urban poor and the professional problem solvers by putting them side-by-side and handing them a basket of crayons and rubber cement. Edgard, Rodrigo, Mariana and the rest of the Elos team have walked out of the notion that we need to leverage power to produce results. They have walked on to the belief that creativity is in everyone, play unleashes that creativity, and if we want to create a healthy and resilient community, we need to invite the members of that community to play together. When we play, everything once again becomes possible.

==========

Yet many leaders assume that people are machines, that we can be programmed, motivated, and supervised through external force and authority. This “command-and-control” leadership smothers basic human capacities such as intelligence, creativity, caring, dreaming. Yet it is the most common form of leadership worldwide. When it doesn’t work, those in power simply apply more force. They threaten, cajole, reward, punish, police, legislate.

==========

Power of this kind has a predictable outcome: it breeds powerlessness. People accept the message they’ve heard so consistently, that they’re helpless without a strong leader. They become dependent and passive, waiting for a leader to rescue them, and their growing dependency leaves leaders with no choice. They must take control if anything is going to get done.

==========

Why do we place more value on struggle than on ease? Joseph Campbell, a wise mystic and scholar, said that we can identify our gifts by noticing what is easiest for us to do. He advised you to “follow your bliss.” Few people understand what he was talking about.

==========

But all living things resist whatever threatens their very life, and so the spark grew brighter, and fought against the cold and the darkness. And since that time there is also the eternal battle of Fire and Ice, of light and of darkness, throughout this universe. The Wise Ones know that this is a battle that must always be fought but never won. Only the Great Spirit, Unkulunkulu, may watch over such a titanic struggle and remain calm, for the battle goes this way and that, and all life struggles in its embrace.

==========

For blacks, it is a crime to sit on a Whites Only bench. As Nelson Mandela recalls in his autobiography, Long Walk to Freedom,

==========

What Dorah learned living in a rural community she’s now applying to life in the city. “We start from a place of abundance—knowing that we’ve got what we need—and we operate from that,” she says. “We’re not looking to other people to solve our problems; we work to maximize our own potential.”

==========

“We just cannot come and say, ‘Oh, my responsibility is health, and I’m just going to come here and only look at health. I’m just going to give these people drugs and help them survive AIDS.’ You need to look at what it is they are eating and where they are living. What kind of houses are they living in? What kind of energy are they using? It’s not only about one thing. Once you start addressing this, it’s going to lead you to that. Once you own that one, it’s going to lead to another.” She’s interested in how we can look at people’s lives holistically—the whole system—rather than just one problem at a time.

==========

Start anywhere, follow it everywhere. It started with the small act of photographers figuring out how to secure their livelihood. As the park became more secure, people’s attention turned toward the children; with day care established, people could focus on the parents; as the parents learned to read and obtain employment, attention shifted to the youth. And so on.

==========

But because of the nature of the relationships and the kind of people that have been involved, you can’t duplicate what happened in Joubert Park in any other place.” She invited them instead to join her in Joubert Park to listen to their stories, share resources and ideas, and create learning relationships. But she was emphatic that the local community would have to discover its own path. “The people have to do it by themselves,” she says. “It can’t come from those who don’t live what’s happening day to day in the area.”

==========

When I was first introduced to the phrase “Start anywhere, follow it everywhere” in 2002, it had an immediate impact on me. I had recently quit my job as a consultant, where I was often hired to design a road map for clients to travel from their current state to some desired future. One reason I had quit was because I realized that the journey never unfolds the way we say it will.

==========

They aren’t trying to solve the problem of homelessness; they’re figuring out how to support homeless people in Joubert Park. They’re not trying to eliminate illiteracy; they’re teaching their neighbors to read. In Joubert Park, solving problems always begins with knowing where we are.

==========

We live in a world of never-ending complexity, but complexity isn’t the problem. Complex systems are filled with challenges and conflicts that are unavoidable, but these aren’t the problem, either. The central problem is how we work with complexity.

==========

We recognize that we don’t solve problems one by one. And we relax because we don’t have to solve them all at once. We start, anywhere, and see where the work takes us next.

==========

Once we start anywhere, we have to stay alert to where we are, what we’re learning and what’s next. It’s not about how well our plan is working, but whether we notice the signals swirling around us. What are presentmoment opportunities, who’s shown up willing to work with us?

==========

Go inside. Start anywhere. Follow it everywhere.

==========

History plays a critical role in how we shape the future. What we tell ourselves about the past gives us ground (even though these stories change). People who persevere know where they come from. They stand on the firm shoulders of their ancestors and draw sustenance from the old stories. We humans need to know that we participate in something bigger, that traditions will outlast us, that history will continue to unfold beyond this moment.

==========

A bell rings, piercing the heavy air and reverberating off the massive granite boulders that perch inexplicably on the land, like gods and guardians protecting the circle. It is a call for silence, which the Kufundees say is also part of the conversation. There is no need for action now; you are not meant to do anything. You are invited to bear witness to another’s suffering, to listen deeply with your heart wide open—without leaping up to fix, heal, soothe, or respond. This, perhaps, is the essence of what it means to be in Zimbabwe in these times: to engage in the excruciatingly difficult practice of simply bearing witness.

==========

“I asked them what they used to do before they got handouts of fertilizer and seeds,” Marianne continues. “They said they didn’t remember! So we agreed to ask the elders.” Marianne and several of the villagers called a circle with the elders and asked them to describe their agricultural practices prior to the 1980s, when the Green Revolution arrived in their home.

==========

Marianne listened thoughtfully to their proposal. Then she said, “The only way I could accept your gracious offering is if you were willing to purchase an irrigation system for all villages in Zimbabwe. For we are a demonstration center, and how could we demonstrate ways of cultivating resilient food systems if we relied on a technology to which others had no access?”

==========

Zimbabwe is hardly the first country in recent history to endure a sudden, sweeping food system collapse. Cuba had been touted as another miracle of the Green Revolution—until the Soviet Union fell apart. Almost overnight, Cuba lost its supply of oil, the essential resource that fuels industrial agriculture. Within a year, over 80 percent of Cuba’s foreign trade disappeared. Suddenly, there were no chemical fertilizers, no seeds, no fuel for tractors and irrigation systems, no way to obtain spare parts. Between 1989 and 1993, the average Cuban lost twenty pounds.51

==========

In 1989, Cuba did not have a resilient food system. When oil was withdrawn from the structure, the entire system collapsed like a Jenga tower. That is because the Cuban food system wasn’t designed for resilience; rather, it was designed to be maximally efficient.

==========

In his book Resilience Thinking, co-authored with David Salt, Walker reflects on the risks of our efficiency addiction. “The more you optimize elements of a complex system of humans and nature for some specific goal,” he writes, “the more you diminish that system’s resilience. A drive for an efficient optimal state outcome has the effect of making the total system more vulnerable to shocks and disturbances.”

==========

It is time to walk out of the illusion of stability, to walk out of the addiction to the efficient optimal state. Life always bursts through the door—why not expect it? A resilience approach knows that uncertainty and surprise are inevitable. Writes Walker, “Resilience thinking is about understanding and engaging with a changing world. By understanding how and why the system as a whole is changing, we are better placed to build a capacity to work with change, as opposed to being a victim of it.”

==========

No one would deny the need for those who have resources to help support Zimbabwe in climbing out of its current morass. The trouble begins when we commit ourselves to a narrow set of beliefs about the optimal path. The Sachs approach would have Zimbabweans waiting on foreign aid to jump-start the economy—just like the villagers who were once found waiting on donated fertilizer and seeds to jump start their crops. Kufundees have walked out of the limiting beliefs that result from kowtowing to efficiency. They have walked on to declare that we have what we need—now let’s get our hands in the dirt.

==========

But then the long-term consequences clamor for attention. If we would look at, for example, the Green Revolution, we’d see that hunger didn’t end. That now, in addition to hunger, there are polluted streams and fields, toxic factory farms, and dislocated rural people who’ve lost their cultures, who are crowded into cities, homeless and hungry. We’d see we’re in more trouble now than when we began, that an efficient solution spawned many more problems more difficult to solve than just hunger.

==========

As more people experience hardships and loss, resilience has become a popular word. It’s often described as a personal capacity, something we need to develop on our own. But like any of life’s strengths, resilience grows in relationships, in community. This is what the Kufundees so clearly teach us.

==========

Sad to say, dependency is an unintended consequence of helpfulness. Whenever we receive help, it’s easy to let that person or group take over. The more they offer, the more we can just sit idly by and wait for rescue. Yet over time, this backfires. We can lose confidence in our abilities, forget what we once knew, and think of ourselves as poor and needy.

==========

Manish talked repeatedly about swaraj, Gandhi’s invitation to take responsibility for ourselves. He would patiently explain how Shikshantar’s work was to experiment with creating our own learning, weaning ourselves from the ready-made world where all that’s expected of us is to be good consumers.

==========

Homo giftus offers goods and services freely, without any expectation of return. Its value is measured by the quality of our relationships rather than the quantity of our profit. Our capacity to give is infinite, unconstrained by shortages and fear of scarcity. Perhaps what’s most incredible about the culture of Homo giftus is that it shows up every time our transactional culture breaks down—in times of human-made and natural disasters, grief and illness, celebration and joy.

==========

one of the programs of The Berkana Institute that supports younger leaders in discovering right livelihood (Amanda’s note: great question to explore)

==========

Mukesh is now cultivating a network of relationships among local farmers, many of whom are starting similar projects of their own. He is gifting his knowledge, his time, his assistance—while still selling his fertilizer. This is the path of right livelihood, a mindful way of living that balances service with self-interest, community vitality with economic security. This is what it might look like to transact in the market as little as necessary to sustain our health and well-being—while giving as much of ourselves as we can to our community.

==========

Growth promises some illusion of greater freedom and security—if I accumulate more stuff, I don’t have to depend on others, I don’t have to negotiate with others, I have a new kind of power. The accumulation of stuff becomes our primary spiritual and psychological purpose and dominant social identity—rather than the quality of our relationships, our creativity, or our consciousness.”

==========

But as Manish points out, as a consequence of believing in unlimited growth, we’re now living in a culture of destruction. “In transactional culture, we use and throw away people, resources and ideas,” he says. “Everything can be converted into a commodity until there’s nothing sacred left. Land, water, air, seeds, even grandmother’s cookies—our most intimate and profound aspects of life—are subject to this commodification.

==========

Gandhi talked about the notion of trusteeship: We are not really owners of anything. Nature doesn’t work with ownership. We are guardians or trustees, stewarding resources that are part of a commons of human beings and life on the planet. We don’t have a right to hoard things—or to mindlessly throw them away.”

==========

It’s like a game of financial musical chairs where there just aren’t enough seats to go around, and someone’s got to get kicked out of the game.72 We are stuck in a positive feedback loop, Greco says, where debt begets interest, and interest begets more debt. After a point, none of this has anything to do with the actual production of goods and services. We just need to keep growing fast enough to stay ahead of ourselves—and everyone else. So we run around in a frenzy, hoping we won’t be the one left standing without a chair.

==========

Gift culture is about trusteeship, about stewarding the commons rather than ourselves. It’s about taking care of the whole so that everyone has enough. We offer what we can, and we value gifts on our own terms—rather than those dictated by the marketplace. We turn to one another for our needs—to local businesses, teachers, artists, gardeners, craftspeople—rather than to the anonymity of the global marketplace. We walk out of our identity as Homo economicus, and we walk on to discover the patterns and practices of Homo giftus.

==========

Krishnamurti: Does life have a meaning, a purpose? Is not living in itself its own purpose, its own meaning? Why do we want more?

==========

Gandhi: Whenever you are in doubt, or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test. Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man whom you may have seen, and ask yourself, if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him. Will he gain anything by it? Will it restore him to a control over his own life and destiny? In other words, will it lead to swaraj [freedom or self-rule] for the hungry and spiritually starving millions? Then you will find your doubts and your self melt away. Krishnamurti: In oneself lies the whole world and if you know how to look and learn, the door is there and the key is in your hand. Nobody on earth can give you either the key or the door to open, except yourself. Tagore: I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.

==========

These messages are so powerful in modern global culture that it takes a great deal of awareness and discipline to silence their seductive lures. If we don’t like what’s happening to ourselves, our children, our colleagues, and our communities as we continue down the path of endless accumulation, then we need to reclaim the life we want. As at Shikshantar, we can practice swaraj, self-rule. We can practice swaraj by turning off the insistent cries of consumerism. We can think about what we really need, when enough’s enough. We can consider how we want to feel at the end of our lives, what achievements will have enduring value.

==========

Most of us already know this, even as we’re struggling with transactional culture. We’ve had experiences of working together without thought of personal gain; we’ve shared moments of hard yet purposeful work that gave us more satisfaction than any object or paycheck ever could. These experiences, wherever they’ve occurred, give us a glimpse of how humans are meant to live together. What creates lasting happiness in life? What few things become most important as we approach the end of life? Isn’t it about family and relationships? Isn’t it that we’ve contributed, that in some small way we’ve made life better for our children, for others, for the future?

==========

When we speak of offering work as a gift, it doesn’t mean that we stop charging money for our services. We have to be realistic about the world we live in. But we can change how we offer our work at more subtle levels. We can notice all the strings we attach to our efforts—our need for approval, recognition, status, appreciation—and think about whether we want to cut them.

==========

If you’d like to experiment with exploring your work as gift, here are some things to consider about gifts and gifting. A gift is a gift when: I offer it freely. There are no conditions. I give it because I want people to have it. I do not need to gain from it personally. I let go of needing the gift to be appreciated. I don’t call attention to how hard I’ve worked, what it’s taken me to get here, how dedicated and committed I am, what a good generous person I am. I don’t look for approval, recognition, or thanks. I offer my work, then turn away. I don’t stand and wait for compliments. I don’t expect any kind of gratitude. I don’t resent the people who didn’t thank me. I let go of what I just offered. I move on, looking for the next place I might contribute.

==========

More than 2,500 years ago, the Athenians decided it would be a good idea if every adult citizen (excluding women and slaves, of course) had the right to have his say and vote on legislation. All that was required to speak or propose a law was Ho boulomenos, “he who wishes”—someone willing to take the initiative and stand in front of his fellow citizenry to speak on behalf of what matters.

==========

I’m learning how to control my heroic urges. When I’m in meetings or with a group, sometimes I literally sit on my hands, reminding myself to refrain from offering a solution. I’ve learned that when I listen rather than tell, when I wait for the community’s wisdom to surface rather than impulsively offer my own, then so much more is possible. We are smarter together than we are apart—an assumption that lies at the root of democracy.

==========

However well intentioned the intervention might be, it is always rooted in the belief that people need help, they can’t help themselves, and it is our duty to “interrupt” their experience on their behalf.

==========

Stories of intervention gone awry abound with laughable absurdity—were it not for the deadly serious suffering they inflict on people’s lives and livelihoods. Yemen is on the brink of a water crisis after replacing its centuries-old practice of harvesting rainwater for crops with a World Bank-driven approach to irrigated agriculture that has tapped out underground aquifers.

==========

Intervention is not fundamentally flawed. In fact, it is essential for protecting people who are being victimized by brutality greater than they can withstand—from domestic violence to genocide. But it’s a short-term strategy for the immediate situation; any longer-term change requires the engagement of the person or people.

==========

It is time to walk out of the interventionist mindset of outside experts. Now more than ever as humanity’s challenges converge, we need to learn from one another.

==========

The convivial society built on friendship is messy but enduring. It listens to each and every voice, it receives all contributions. It values as equal the wisdom of people who live differently. The empty-vessel paradigm of learning is fundamentally founded on the inequality between the professional and the amateur, the expert and the ignoramus, the so-called developed and underdeveloped. It’s like the nutritionist who prescribes a perfectly balanced diet. But nourishment that satisfies the body and soul requires far more than the right blend of vitamins and minerals. True nourishment arises from the intimate connection between human beings, the precious moments of mutuality and trust that emerge when we turn to one another. True nourishment is about the joy of sharing a meal, including the messiness of preparation and the hard labor of cleaning up, the botched brownies and the victorious soufflé, the stories, laughter, and tears that show up whenever people open their hearts to one another, whenever we offer our friendship.

==========

Grameen Bank trusted this unconventional approach to poverty because it knew that poor people have all the skills, creativity, and ingenuity they need; it is the economic and societal barriers embedded in our cultures that are inhibiting their success. “Government decision-makers, international consultants, and many NGOs usually start from the opposite assumption—that people are poor because they lack skills,” Yunus writes in his book,

==========

Friendship creates a container in which we can co-create, support one another, and bounce back from the conflicts that arise. Conflict is an inevitable consequence of interdependence; the more interdependent we are, the more conflict there’s likely to be. But when friendship is present, so, too, is our commitment to stay together and work things out. We open our hearts to each other, knowing that we need kindred spirits—especially when the going gets tough. We can walk out alone, but we can only walk on in friendship.

==========

When friendship fades and we no longer feel responsible for taking care of each other, what also disappears is our own sense of personal competence. Where do we turn when we need advice? Do we consult our own experience or immediately ask an expert? When there’s a problem at work, do we come together as colleagues to try and figure things out, or do we import a solution from elsewhere? If a friend comes to us in crisis, do we offer our companionship, or do we refer him or her to a book or DVD? Experts are important, absolutely. But it’s our dependence on them as the first or only choice that bears watching.

==========

Friendship takes time. The easiest way to discover its strong threads is to work together. This company of friends, who traveled from afar to labor on a Greek hillside, knew this from their own experience. They’d learned, as we’ve seen in every visit, that the most reliable way to develop good relationships is to engage together in hard work that has a tangible outcome. Working side-by-side, we learn things about each other, we notice skills and talents, we focus less on interpersonal dramas than on figuring out how to get work done. We often become friends even with people we at first had no interest in.

==========

I meet many people who are tired of command-and-control tactics. They want to find new ways of leading, but they don’t know how. They often say, “I just need to get out of the way.” This statement scares me. Leaders have critical work to do to engage people and redistribute power. The leaders we’ll meet in Columbus didn’t get out of the way; instead, they’ve used their power to create the means to engage people and communities in solving their own problems.

==========

the Art of Hosting. She’s going to explain it to you, but be patient. It’s more than one thing; it may not fit any familiar categories. People come to Art of Hosting events to learn how to host a variety of conversational processes. These conversational processes are used with diverse groups to resolve conflicts, develop strategy, analyze issues and develop action plans. But it’s more than a collection of problem-solving tools. At its core, and what allows it to flower in so many different forms and places, the Art of Hosting is a philosophy, a set of beliefs and values that are embodied in every process and in every person who learns how to host.

==========

Tuesday’s personal description is that Art of Hosting “is a practice, like yoga or meditation. There are tools in it, for sure—social technologies like circle, Open Space, and World Café that surface a group’s collective intelligence through conversation. But there are deeper patterns present in the Art of Hosting that invite us to be authentic, to stay in inquiry, to build community.”

==========

These twenty-six people sitting in circle are all experimenters; they’re learning what it means to lead as a host. They come together every three months as a community of practice to encourage, support, and learn from one another.

==========

Similar stories surface from others at OSU, although outside the community of practice, they’re often kept below the radar. “We call it stealth hosting,” Deb explains. “The department chairs want to bring it in, but they know they can’t call it ‘World Café’ with their faculty. Faculty can be pretty mean to each other. And they don’t want to be laughed at. You put your reputation on the line when you try something new.” So Tuesday and Deb find other ways to bring it in, knowing that good things will emerge. “Particularly in faculty culture, people are desperate for connection,” Deb adds. “At the end of a program, people will come up to us and say, ‘This is the first time I’ve felt part of something—part of human connection and part of community.’ That is what we’re all thirsty for.”

==========

The reason it can be difficult to see is because the Art of Hosting is an operating system, like Windows, Mac OS, or Linux. So far, all you’ve seen are two different applications, the Foodbank and OSU.

==========

The reason it can be difficult to see is because the Art of Hosting is an operating system, like Windows, Mac OS, or Linux.

==========

The Art of Hosting is like Linux, freely offering its source code for leaders to achieve order without control. Its code is a set of principles and practices for how to host conversations that matter: setting intention, creating hospitable space, asking powerful questions, surfacing collective intelligence, trusting emergence, finding mates, harvesting learning, and moving into wise action. Like Linux, the Art of Hosting operating system encourages experimentation and sharing worldwide. What’s emerged is a vibrant global community of people discovering that the wisdom we need exists not in any one of us, but in all of us.

==========

Several beliefs feed our trust in heroic leadership: Leaders have the answers. People do what they’re told. High risk requires high control. When we believe this, we willingly give away our power. We wait for leaders to direct us, assuming they know what they’re doing. Many leaders enthusiastically accept the power we hand over. But we’re all caught in a terrible illusion. When problems are complex, there are no simple answers; no one person, no matter how brilliant, can make things better. And even though some surrender personal freedoms in exchange for pledges of security, how can any leader these days guarantee that we’ll be secure?

==========

If we want to find solutions to our most challenging problems, we need to transform our ideas about effective leadership. We need to walk out of our reliance on the leader-as-hero and invite in the leader-as-host.

==========

Leaders learn to trust that everyone has gifts to offer, and that most people want to work on behalf of something greater than themselves. In some cases, these leaders serve as mirrors, so that people can see their skills and potential, those that have been buried under years of disregard. Over time, as conversational processes become the normal way of meeting, communities discover they have new skills. They can examine problems in depth, make use of each other’s diverse insights, and create robust solutions. Leaders, and those they happily host, take on large-scale, intractable problems and discover they’re capable of solving them.

==========

The citizens of Columbus, Ohio, are slowly but steadily walking out of a model of heroic leadership that most Americans assume is the only way to lead.

==========

It’s a huge countercultural act to do something as simple as dropping a talking piece into the conversation. People like the solutions that come out of a more collective way of operating. I believe hosting taps into a basic human need to be connected and to be connected in as unconditional a way as possible.”

==========

For Tuesday Ryan-Hart, when we practice hosting, we are learning how to be together better.

==========

Well, “it is time for all the heroes to go home,” as the poet William Stafford wrote.

==========

You’re acting as a hero when you believe that if you just work harder and put in more hours, you’ll fix things; that if you just become smarter or learn a new technique, you’ll be able to solve problems for others. You’re acting as a hero if you take on more and more projects and causes, no matter how worthy, and have less time for the people you love and the activities that nourish you. You’re playing the hero if you still hold the belief that it’s up to you to save the situation, the person, the world.

==========

They used their positional power to convene people, not to tell them what to do. They learned that their city—any city—is rich in resources, and that the easiest way to discover these is to bring diverse people together in good conversations.

==========

Hosting meaningful conversations isn’t about getting people to like each other or feel good. It’s about creating the means for problems to get solved, for teams to function well, for people to become energetic activists.

==========

When you see a pile of trash, do you think of Edgard and a children’s garden? When you pass a fruit tree, are you reminded of Ticha and his arborloos? When you walk through a dirty city park, do you imagine how the local community might get engaged? When you see your child struggling or being bored in school, do you think of the learners at Unitierra who create their own education? When you sit in a meeting, do you wonder how it might be different if Tuesday or Phil were hosting?

==========

In their actions, they aspire to follow eight principles. Woven together as a whole, these are a powerful and coherent theory for how to foster systemic change and create healthy and resilient communities.

==========

Start anywhere, follow it everywhere.

==========

We make our path by walking it.

==========

If the road looks familiar, if we’ve walked it before, if we feel comfortable knowing where we’re going, then we aren’t walking on, we aren’t pioneering something new. Walk Ons make their path by walking.

==========

We have what we need.

==========

The leaders we need are already here.

==========

The pattern here is simple: People see something in their world that needs to change, and they step forward to take that first action. They don’t declare themselves “a leader”; they just start acting to change things. A leader is anyone willing to help, anyone willing to take those first steps to remedy a situation or create a new possibility.

==========

We are living the worlds we want today.

==========

We walk at the pace of the slowest. The Zapatistas say we walk to make the road better, we must listen as we walk, and we must walk at the pace of the slowest. If we wish to build healthy and resilient communities, we can’t leave anyone behind. So we take the journey as slowly as we need to.

==========

Speed is not our goal. Growth is not our purpose. Winning is not evidence of our success. What gifts do we discover as we slow down, look around, invite more people in, and enjoy our well-companioned journey?

==========

We listen, even to the whispers.

==========

We hear these voices only if we create the spaces to listen.

==========

We turn to one another.

==========

In company with our friends worldwide, we’ve developed simple practices for sustaining ourselves as Walk Ons and for resisting the strong gravity of familiar ways. These practices are: Name, Connect, Nourish, Illuminate.

==========

Naming is being able to claim publicly who we are and what we’re walking on to. Whenever we give ourselves a new name, it’s a way of making visible our intentions. What are you walking out of, and why? By walking on, who are you choosing to be? However you name yourself, choose a name that encourages you to move forward, that challenges you to be fearless. I am a Zapatista. I am a Walk Out. I am an edge-walker. I am a leader. I am daring to live the future now. How will you name yourself?

==========

Connecting is finding others who share our purpose, who hear our new name and say, “Me, too!” None of us can do this work alone—we need each other to support, encourage, and console one another. We need companions to think with, celebrate with, cry with, dance with. We need companions to lessen the loneliness, to keep us going when the work gets hard, when the world tells us we’re lunatics. Skilled pioneers never venture forth alone, and neither can you. Whom will you connect with?

==========

Nourishing is turning to one another for ideas, knowledge, practices, and dreams. Among us, we already have a great deal of experience and expertise. When we affiliate with other Walk Ons, we inspire, provoke, and support each other. Ideas and inventions flow among us, like the bicimáquinas, the Oasis Game, the arborloos. When we gather together, we learn quickly from one another, discovering new ideas and solutions, like at the Art of Learning Centering, as in the Art of Hosting communities of practice. Together we discover that we have what we need. Where will you turn for nourishment?

==========

Illuminating is sharing our stories so many more people can know we’re out there and join in. Walking out is never easy, and walking on is often invisible. Our work comes from the future and is difficult to see through current lenses. By shining a light on our pioneering efforts, we bring the future into focus. Little by little, our work becomes recognizable as evidence of what’s possible, of what a new world could be. This book has been an experience of illuminating that future. What stories will you illuminate?

==========

There are no easy answers, only a long string of unanswerable questions that slam into us once we return home from our journeys and discover that we’re no longer comfortable where we are. Questions like: How do I hold what I now know? How do I live in integrity with my beliefs? How can I hold my own hypocrisy with compassion? When do I engage and stay—and when do I walk out? What am I willing to walk on to?